January 2000

The last month of the year is always a busy time at Landover Baptist. The arrival of December not only signifies that there are only 24 frantic shopping days until Baby Jesus' birthday, it also means there are only 30 more days to find tax deductions. As all saved people know, the Lord God wants the Godly to give their money to His church and not send it to Washington, D.C., where it would be used to pay for minority abortions and gay marriages. So it behooves all Landovians to get themselves a good Jew accountant who can teach them how to squirrel away as much of their assets from Uncle Sam as possible. As Mrs. Betty Bowers, president of Christians Having A Righteously Itemized Tax Year, said, "If government is going to keep God's Word out of schools, we are going to keep God's money out of government! Praise the Lord!"

Those extremely familiar with the more obscure passages of scripture know that Jesus made some passing reference to giving away possessions to the poor. Of course, as true Christians know, people need not be too hasty doing this since God told us He is only going to help "he who helps himself." Therefore, the best way to help the poor usually is to hire Catholics to clean your toilets and illegal Mexicans to weed your gardens.  Jesus' comment to help the poor was merely a suggestion.  On the other hand, when your accountant tells you to help the poor, this is something that must be done without qualification.  And before the close of the tax year. 

By donating old household junk to the less-blessed, Landover Baptist church members have saved over $2.7 million annually in charitable tax write offs. Continuing the tradition for tax year 99, the Ladies of Landover hosted the 28th Annual Household Junk Round Up on December 31, 1999.  What a success this past event was! Landover Baptist Church collected and distributed over 300 broken appliances to the needy. Local colored children were overjoyed to find broken refrigerators, stoves, and cupboards lying on their front lawns in the morning. "Poor Negroes are always looking for a place to hide," Ladies of Landover Chairwoman, Mrs. Taffy Crockett noted, "it was such fun to see the looks in their big white eyes when they saw those old refrigerators." Pastor Deacon Fred remembers an incident last year when a young colored boy stood on top of his new 'stove playhouse.' "He stood up there and beat his chest like a little monkey and shouted, 'This be my new home!' I remember a bunch of us deacons got to laughing so hard, we fell over!"

For those church members still needing deductions, there are plenty of receipts left with the '99 date on them. The deadline for collections has been extended to January 31, 2000. There will be no limit as to what you can place curbside this year. Since the secular fascists at the Environmental Protection Agency have made it harder and harder for decent common folks to dispose of things like lead paints, asbestos, and other toxic waste, poor people's homes provide the idea place for such items! Ladies of Landover Co-Chairwoman, Mrs. Judy O'Christian notes, "It would be a waste to throw away all that old paint that's been sitting in your basement for the last 15 years, knowing that some migrant workers could use it to paint some of the refrigerator boxes they live in. Besides, white trash can use the empty cans as flower vases or mixing bowls. And you know that old Negress who cleans for the Hardwicks? You should have seen the look on her face when the Landover truck rolled up to her shack and dropped off 43 used car batteries for her to line her flower beds with! It just warms my heart."

Broken glass, old razors, old newspapers, glass jars, tin cans, cinder blocks, scratch paper, household debris, aerosol cans and tires will be donated to rural elementary schools and centers for the mentally retarded for use in their art classes. Pastor Deacon Fred remarks, "Those poor people are so clever picking through the trash looking for 'do-dads' we thought we'd do the right thing and save them the trouble of having to look through our garbage like they always do, and just dump it all right on their lawns! Praise Jesus!" 

Please be a good Samaritan and have all of your Household Junk curb side by 10:00 AM each Tuesday and Thursday for pick up. As always, tax forms for deductions are readily available in any church vestibule.

For More information on how easy it is to serve the poor in God's Country, visit the Heritage Foundation.



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