Easter Bunny Stew

Recipe by Mrs. Billy Ray ("Suzanna Beth") Simpkins

I mean to tell you, this is one tasty stew worth rising from the dead for!  You can fix this crowd-pleaser in a snap, a snap that starts when you snap the neck of a cute little fuzzy bunny rabbit.  Don't waste your time at the grocery store trying to find fresh bunny!  With a stack of carrots, you can turn killing rabbits into a fun game for your children.  Don't let your kids use buckshot -- or you will be picking pellets out of your gums where you used to have teeth.  Instead, give each of your youngins a Louisville Slugger baseball bat and teach them to club them "seal style."  Not only will this avoid cracking a crown on buckshot, your children will be tenderizing the bunnies with each deadly blow.   

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 large Easter Bunnies (or five little baby bunnies), clubbed and skinned   
• 3 cups Campbell 's Fiesta Nacho Cheese Soup
• 1 can Red Bull
• 4 cans of Budweiser or other premium beer. Don't let Pastor see you buy this! And don't worry - the booze evaporates in the heat.  
• 1/2 to 3/4 cup Kraft Mac & Cheese
• 1/2 cup Hellmann's mayonnaise 
• Carrots left over from luring bunnies to their death (cut off any little bunny teeth marks -- no one wants to see that)
• 2 to 3 cans of store-brand potatoes
• 1 medium Tombstone "Supreme" pizza, chopped  
• 1/2 cup frozen corn kernels
• 1/2 cup frozen lima beans
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup of Heinz ketchup
• 1/2 teaspoon MSG  
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 4 tablespoons flour mixed with an equal amount of root beer

Have your children peel off all the cute, fuzzy-wuzzy pelts of the bunnies (reserve them to make holiday-themed, furry napkin rings) and rip the flesh from the dead rabbit's brittle little bones.  You Martha Stewarts out there will want to reserve the bloody bunny skeletons to make stock, but if you ask me, instant soup is a whole lot easier!  In a General Electric crock-pot, combine the hunks of bunny your children have ripped off the freshly-clubbed animal and all the other ingredients. Bring to a simmer and simmer uncovered for 10 minutes. Cover and cook over low heat for no less than four days. 

Before serving, ladle a holiday glaze over the stew (you make this by heating a brick of Velveeta cheese-product with mini-marshmallows, 2 cups of brown sugar, a Three Musketeers bar, and a can of Diet Pepsi until they are all gooey, but not boiling).  Embed two handfuls of General Mill's Trix breakfast cereal into the glaze.  Voila, Easter dinner is served!

NOTICE:
If you really love the Lord, and want to take Easter back for Jesus, Please also try:

"He Has Risen!" The Passion Fruit of the Christ Soufflé 

- by Jean-Georges Vongerichten, personal chef to Mrs. Betty Bowers