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How Come Injuns Don't Celebrate Thanksgiving?


I learned in my seclular skool Amercian Histroy class that the Injuns helped Pilgrins make popcorn so they could live in winter time when they were cold. My teatcher told us that the Pilgrims invitated the native amercan injuns to have the first Thanksgiving dinner and they did. Now in sunday shool class we are lerning about local histry and Mrs. Pepperdine said that the injuns don't celebrate thanksgiving no more and that they are dangreous and make lots of trouble. Why aren't the injuns happy? Why don't they want to celebrate Thanksgivinig with us?

Timothy Minkins
Age 8

Dear Timothy,

First of all, Native American Injuns (to be politically correct) are not welcome to join us in our celebration of holy thanks to God for giving us our new country because they are responsible for slaughtering countless Christians who wanted nothing more than to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them. Your secular school teacher had only one thing right - the Injuns gave us pop-corn. Since then, they have made no other contribution to society. They have been nothing but a tax burden and troublesome boil on the rump of decent, God-fearing Americans.

The Bible tells us that the sins of the fathers are handed down through the generations. This is very evident in the shameless hatred and jealousy that Native American Injuns have for us white folks. When Christians first came to this country, they found forests full of violent pagan savages. These savages worshipped false gods and Creation Science research suggests that they even practiced human sacrifice. They wanted nothing to do with Jesus or the civilized world and insisted on running around with their naked red hineys exposed.

To this day, Injuns are still jealous of God's True Americans™. They are constantly scheming to take back their "so-called" land. They make a living out of corrupting decent Americans with gambling, booze and the occult lure of their tribal drums. Since we here at Landover Baptist can trace our bloodlines directly back to the Pilgrims who civilized this country, we are the foremost authority on all things Injun. Don't believe a word you learn in your history class. Your Sunday school teacher will teach you everything you need to know about these godless heathens.

Timmy, as we approach the Christian holiday of Thanksgiving, you must always be on the lookout for naked red-skinned feather-heads. They hide under your bed and in your closet and want nothing more than to steal you away from your mother and father. I believe they make slaves and squaws out of little Christian children and force them into cheap casino labor camps where you will live out the rest of your life behind a Texas Holdum table dealing cards and destroying the lives of True Americans™. 

Please report any sighting of an Injun to the Landover Baptist Police Department. They are not welcome on our church campus. We can legally unload a round of buckshot into their red behinds and prosecute them for trespassing.

In Christ Jesus,

Pastor Deacon Fred




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