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Personal Testimony Improvement Center

Ever feel like you don't have a personal testimony that 'matches up'?  Ever feel that other Christians have been through the grinder and you've been through nothing?  Did you dedicate your life to Christ at an early age? - -  Perhaps before you turned ten years old?  Are you angry with folks when you try to witness to them? Do they say things like - - "how would you know what I've been through?  you grew up in a good home! you never did drugs.. never had sex before you were married.. never robbed a liquor store, or beat anyone up!" Well... if you see yourself in any of these scenarios.. the Personal Testimony Improvement Center is just for you! It is headed by one of the baddest, roughest, toughest Christians in the world, Pastor Vince De'Angelo.  Let's explain it you:    Upon entering the Personal Testimony Improvement Center, you will be greeted by ex-catholic priest, Rev. John Clunas.  He retains the ancient right of Papal authority to revoke your salvation.  This very act gives you the opportunity to experience a whole new life before you become a Christian again.. well in fact.. your personal relationship with Christ becomes annulled so to speak by Rev. Clunas.. so you will be starting from scratch.  The best thing is..  you will be starting over in a controlled environment.. our center allows you to experiment with just about every narcotic on the market. in a safe place. You can experience sex.. with some of  Freehold's most desirable prostitutes.. we even have controlled outings where you can join together with your comrades and rob some of the local convenience stores.. just think about it.. the testimony that you always wish you had... the past you always dreamed of!  Don't let unbelievers bully you around anymore.. don't feel five inches tall at a Nicky Cruz crusade.. ever again!  Personal Testimony Improvement Center can do it all for you!  Upon exiting the center, we  will provide you with two options.. restoration of salvation granted by Rev. Clunas' Papal authority.. or your own confession of faith! Hope to see you there! Young and old alike are welcome! Why not start out your kids at an early age and get all that worrying over with?   

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