Look Out Satan!

The Latest Product Line From Landover Baptist

Church Ministries

The White House Department of Faith
:
On January 20, 2001, President George W. Bush signed an executive order establishing the United States Department of Faith (DOF). Headed by Mr. Bush's and God's favorite church, Landover Baptist Church, the DOF is entrusted with overseeing disbursement of millions of taxpayer dollars...

Little Ears Ministry: In conjunction with the White House's Eagle Eyes Program for kids across America who want to be Patriots in Action, Landover Baptist's "Little Ears Ministry" is providing you with an important list of signs that your parents secretly hate, not only America, but Jesus Christ...

Playstation 2 Giveaway Ministry: Landover Baptist's PlayStation 2 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every single level...

Ex-Negro Ministry: God can change the behavior of homosexuals, He has shown the people of this church that He can change the behavior of Negroes as well. PDF page available here>

HELLHOUSE: Every Halloween, Unsaved and saved alike wait for hours in line to visit 12 horrific rooms in a Haunted Cathedral that once served as a demonic house of worship for Catholics in the latter part of this century. Visit our interactive Hell House by clicking on the link above!

Vacation Bible Gun Camp: Apocalyptic wilderness survival training, Bible reading, Scripture memory contests, marksmanship competitions, Old testament wild deer and boar sacrifices, gun care and cleaning, manly fellowship, Bible skits, and evening super surprise game competitions where children use tranquilizer guns to hunt...

Homosexual Reparative: Lisping Surgery Ministry: Creation Science teaches us that lisping is caused when Satan elongates the tongue.  It manifests itself by presenting a difficulty in speech associated with femininity...

Praying the Pledge of Allegiance Ministry : The Pledge of Allegiance is a mandatory morning prayer recited in our nation's public and private school systems. It gives Christian students the freedom to deliver the plan of salvation during class time and effectively shepherd...

B.A.S.H.: Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals. A Betty Bowers Ex-Gay Ministry

Child Purchasing Ministry: Each child we purchase starts working right away on building house cages and latrines for even more children that arrive by the trainload every single week!...

Brother Harry's Bible Study : Brother Hardwick is considered to be the, "Bible Answer Man," by Christian elite around the world...

The Golden Plate Christian Casino and Resort: “Nobody loses at The Golden Plate Casino,” remarks Pastor Deacon Fred. “Even Mrs. Ida Jenkins who just tithed away her entire life savings last Wednesday night at the blackjack table didn’t really lose. Jesus has her money now..

Puppet Ministry: Many of Landover's members were actually led to the Lord by puppets. This effective ministry is a model for any church wanting to start one of their own...

Win Free Tickets to Church Ministry: The Landover Baptist Church Main Sanctuary seats 52,187 (with standing room and side-pew fold out chairs). Every Sunday morning service:  (B.R. Lakin Chapel, Smith Center, Freehold Baptist Chapel, Enoch Coliseum, Bowers Towers, Servant Sanctuary, Chapel 2...

Get a Heart on For Jesus: Valentine's Day Ministry: The Heart on for Jesus campaign is sweeping the nation and cleaning up the subtle focus that Valentine's Day places on sex...

Self Circumcision Ministry: By using a small mirror (unless you are colored), you can verify that your personal member is a replica of the very penis Jesus took to Heaven with Him...

24-Hour Hotline for Abused Altar Boys: We have two Baptist Christian counselors standing by the phones 24 hours a day who are waiting to help you. Please be patient, one of them will be with you shortly...

Christian Only Bus Tours: Captain Jesus says, "If you are a Christian, you are welcome on my bus. If you are not, well then... you will have to find another means of transportation."  

Unreal Tournament Christian Gaming Map Ministry: "The first map is just kind of a fun map where you are back in Bible times in Jerusalem, only Jesus and his disciples are armed with modified shock rifles," he explained. "Those of you who are unfortunate enough to be randomly picked as an unarmed Pharisee...

Personal Testimony Improvement Center: A ministry that allows church members to intentionally backslide in order to gain high impact testimonies for the Lord...

B.I.T.C.H.: Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers. A Baptist Ladies service organization founded by Mrs. Bowers.

Post Communion Party Ministry: An outreach to the Cathylick community that uses the Lord's Supper and a natural love of alcohol, as a means to lure folks into settings  where a plan of salvation can be delivered...

Christian Crackwhore Ministry: Compassionate Conservatism for Crackwhores. A Betty Bowers Ministry.

Baby Jesus Comics : Baby Jesus Comics are a great way to get God's Bible message out to young people...

Homosexual Outreach Ministry Operation (HOMO): Landover extension church in San Francisco was started in 1995 by ex-sodomite, Brother Bobby.

Satanic Abduction Recovery Center: A necessary ministry that abducts, holds, and deprograms  youngsters caught up in the Satanic or Cathy'lick Church.

Bruisers Homosexual Deprogramming Ministry: Using any means necessary to turn men loving men, into men loving women, as scripture dictates.

Sex 4 Salvation: A temporary reward in exchange for an eternal one. Using the Devil's tools to a Godly purpose. Commercial site available.

Richardo Frezno, Christian Hypnotist: Delivering the plan of salvation while the subject is under hypnosis is an extremely effective means of securing one's place in eternity...

Horror In the Cathy'lick Church: An effective ministry to the Catholic Church. Created by Pastor John Clunas in 1996. A collection of stories circling around a young altar boy and a priest. Folks have often gotten saved after reading these shocking tales.

 



 

 






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