CHRISTIAN PATRIOTISM: Don't Let
America's True Christian™ History be Rewritten by Fat, Ugly,
Disgusting, Hateful Atheists
THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE IS
A PRAYER TO JESUS CHRIST!
PRAY THE PLEDGE: 11 STEP PUBLIC SHOOL CHECKLIST!
DC - The Pledge of Allegiance is a mandatory morning prayer recited
in our nation's public and private school systems. It gives Christian
students the freedom to deliver the plan of salvation during class time
and effectively shepherd little practitioners of false religions into
the loving arms of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The Landover
Baptist Department of Christian Education believes that the Pledge of
Allegiance presents a wonderful opportunity for poor Christian students
who are forced to attend secular public schools to stand up and testify!
Our pastors were so excited about this opportunity, that they insisted
that we immediately share it with the millions of Christian viewers who
visit our website each month for news, inspiration
and information about where to send their checks.
Landover Baptist Christian Academy teacher,
Mrs. Rebecca Weaver was the first to suggest that since public school
students who recite the Pledge of Allegiance, are already acknowledging
that America is, "one nation, under God." it flings open a door of
opportunity for Godly students to speak with their unsaved classmates
about the Christian God whom this nation is under. Mrs. Weaver, and the
Landover Baptist "Pray the Pledge" Committee worked diligently for
nearly a whole day create an easy to use Pray the Pledge checklist for
Christian public school children. The following eleven tips are designed
to assist Christian children in utilizing the Pledge of Allegiance as a
tool for rescuing their hellbound classmates from false religions. If
you are a Christian parent of a Christian child who unfortunately
attends a non-Christian school, please go over this list carefully with
your child. Make sure they memorize it so they won't
interrupt themselves while sharing the message of Christ.
Pray the Pledge
1. If you are not
assigned seats in your class, follow the scent of garlic and find a
place to sit near some foreign looking student who has swarthy skin that
reminds you of anything from either a chunk of coal or a little stray
pooty left behind in the whirlpool of toilet water.
It is safe to assume that the
parents of these students have already wasted a good part of their lives
indoctrinating them with a dangerous, made-up, false religion.
Before the Pledge begins, if your little
classmates haven't noticed that you have your hands folded in prayer,
not over your heart, bring it to their attention.
you are bold enough, right before the class gets ready to say the Pledge
of Allegiance - shout, "Dear Lord Jesus. . ." and then continue with the
rest of the class in unison, "I pledge of allegiance to the flag. . ."
This will serve as a testimony to your teacher and the other students,
that you are acknowledging that the Pledge of Allegiance is a prayer -
right from the start. If the teacher pauses for any reason in the
Pledge, look at one of your unsaved classmates and yell, "I feel a
victory coming on! Yes,
Jesus!" And be sure to end
the Pledge with "A-men" as well. You will be surprised how fast it
3. After the pledge is
over, we suggest thanking one or more of your odd looking classmates for
joining you in public prayer. This should raise their curiosity.
4. Begin to ask them
what it feels like to be a Christian. They may, at first, resist your
entreaties, claiming to know what you are so-called "up to."
Wear them down any way you can.
Finally, when they openly admit that they are not Christians, but
actually embrace a false religion, like Hindu, Buddhist, or Muslim -
this is your opportunity to feign the look of surprise. Try to look as
puzzled as you can. Ask them directly why they just falsely stated
during the Pledge of Allegiance that they are under your Christian God,
but just now admitted that they are not. Tell them you don't appreciate
liars and neither will the principal when he gets your note.
5. More often than
not, they will probably respond by saying something about "God" being
universal, and it can mean whatever they want it to mean. If you can
avoid the natural Christian impulse of laughing right out loud in their
freshly-slapped faces, take the opportunity to sternly correct them and
give them a short history lesson about how there were no Muslims,
Hindus, Atheists, or Jews among the Pilgrims or Founding Fathers.
Indeed, the Pilgrims were forced to turn on each other until they
met the heathen, naked, alcoholic Injuns.
6. Take it a step
further and begin to raise your voice slightly. Make it absolutely clear
to them that there were no Muslims, Jews or Hindus who gave their lives
to create the country that they are sitting in right now. And if their
foreign parents want to raise them under a false God, then keep it at
home - because Jesus runs THIS classroom!
7. At this point,
understand that you have planted a seed of faith, and it should be
harvested immediately! Be careful though! Avoid getting too excited.
Don't spill the beans and tell
them all they're going straight to Hell. Although this is true, we
suggest you break it to them gently by reaching into your desk and
slowly pulling out your Bible. Do not break eye contact with your
potential converts even if you have to grab a tuft of their filthy,
unwashed hair to hold them in place!
8. Refer to your Bible
as "The Holy Book" and open it slowly like you are expecting the Lord to
come out from between the pages and pounce on your soon-to-be-Christian
friends. Most foreign trash is very superstitious and will probably
become bug-eyed, and possibly soil their drawers, in the face of your
new, mysterious powers.. Tell them that this Holy Book
says that every single religion
in the whole wide world is a false religion. Except for yours.
9. At this point, tell
the students that you will be highly offended and consider it a hate
crime against your religion if they do not do you the courtesy of bowing
their heads and shutting their eyes and repeating after you.
10. Here is your
window of opportunity - before anyone has a chance to open their mouth,
start to pray this prayer and refuse to be interrupted: Poppa God, My
Father in Heaven, we've just finished praying the Pledge of Allegiance
to You. Everyone here openly acknowledges that we are not members of one
nation under Allah or Buddha, or some other false god but we are one
nation under YOU! You are God, the Father and through your Son, Jesus
Christ, we acknowledge the sovereignty and ultimate authority of our
Christian Nation above all other nations on earth. If any of us here are
unsaved, we ask Jesus Christ to come into our hearts and stomp out the
demons of Hindu, the demons of Allah, the fat little demons of Buda, and
if we are Jewish, we ask you to forgive us for killing your Son and for
Barbra Streisand. A-men.
11. If your classmates
just prayed that prayer, it means they're saved. Take down their names
and addresses and phone numbers immediately. Ask to be dismissed from
class. Find a pay phone and call your pastor* with the information so
that he can call their parents and tell them the good news - that
someone just paid a ransom for their little children and they have been
delivered forever into the unbreakable clutches of the Living God. If
your pastor knows what he is doing, he will also want to use this
opportunity to lead some confused parents to Christ. Before you know it,
you will have assisted in securing a hoard of eager, tithing church
members to your local church roster.
Do not call your pastor
collect. It is appropriate in cases like this to ask your teacher or a
classmate for some change to make a phone call. Tell them you have an
emergency and Jesus wants you to call your pastor right away.