 Speed
Racer
With Nicole
Ritchie perpetually facing jail time, the producers wisely selected the
sexually confused lollipop-head Christina Ricci for Speed’s incestuous
love interest. The movie even hints that Speed is involved with his
pre-pubescent brother, “Straddle...”
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Iron Man
We've
basically got ourselves a mild-mannered-man who overdoses on Viagra.
Iron Man is named for his enormously taught and giant tally whacker
which is used to knock out villains with a quick gyration of his hips.....
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The Golden Compass
We now live
in a world where we have to constantly worry about our children being
presented with abhorrent, new ideas that are slightly different than the
stuff our parents forced us to believe. Since, according to the soon to
be drummed out of town nitwits at the local court, we can't ban The
Golden Compass...
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Spiderman 3
Spiderman
is promoting the glorification of woman on arachnid intercourse. They
use the same perverted temptation that has been used for hundreds of
years through the fairy tale false promise of the princess and the
frog....
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Fantastic
4
Hollywood is
always trying to steal ideas from the Holy Bible, but they never quite
get it right! Download a free educational flyer and hand it out to
unsaved pop-corn munchers attending the new Fantastic 4 movie....
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Superman
Returns
Friends, the whole premise
of this movie will rankle any person of faith. As True Christians™, we
only believe in one flying superhero. And He doesn't wear a skimpy
bikini -- Superman's is so tight you can see if his genital herpes is in
remission...
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Rated
X-Men 3
If only
American children would get their feet hot for Jesus and put their
allowance in the offering plates on Sunday, instead of saving it up to
sneak out and see movies that display obscenely attractive men and
OK-looking women in tight leotards...
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The
DaVinci Code
Sister Betty Bowers
Reviews: "The Da Vinci Code
is a wildly contrived story about how the forbidden love between Jesus
and Mary Magdalene, the Brad and Angelina of Judea!"
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King
Kong
Some of you present here
today are old enough to remember when Pastor Deacon Brooks was standing
in this same pulpit nearly 71 years ago talking about a movie called
"King Kong," and how it rhymed with "Dong," which
was a buzzword in the homosexual community for "male
genitalia," back in the 1930's...
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Chicken
Little
I'm going to get to the
bottom of this Chicken Little nonsense. Do you know that I saw a
poster outside the theater advertising the film and it looked like there
was a stalk of corn protruding from an animated hiney on it?
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The
Corpse Bride
Visiting a graveyard,
finding a tombstone with a name on it that makes your willy tingle,
unearthing the rotting corpse thereunder and engaging in unmentionable
acts of carnality once you have the body above ground...
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The
Incredibles
I took my grandson, Willy,
to see the new film, The Incredibles, thinking there was no way the
homosexual animators in Hollywood were going to ruin a super hero movie
with their lewd smut. Brothers in Christ Jesus, was I ever wrong...
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The
Village
A community of True
Christians™ surrounded by a dense forest filled to the brim with bloodthirsty
Wiccans. Sound familiar? It could be the Landover Baptist
Church – or any Christian community throughout the land.
But in this case...
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Passion
of the Christ:
I want you to print out
these flyers and nail them to the doors of unsaved family homes with the
same authentic replica gold-plated 9-Inch-Nails that the mean old
hairy Jews drove through Jesus' innocent snow-white limbs...
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Return
of the King:
“The special effects made us
think we were really witnessing the Second Coming,” observed Brother
Harry Hardwick, who sat near the front of the theater and continuously
compared the action to the passages of Revelation in his pocket KJV...
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More>
Elf:
When that big queer elf's head
popped up on my TV screen, I thought the homos had taken over the world!
It made my blood boil! We can't turn our heads for one...
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More>
Matrix
Revolutions:
An innocent young Baptist boy
tries to plug himself into the Matrix by inserting his penis into a lamp
socket...
Read
More>
Finding
Nemo:
Instead of running around looking for a little fish named Nemo,
why don't you try finding Jesus? You unsaved morons!
Read
More>
Bruce
Almighty:
Universal
Studios Pays Jim Carrey $20 Million to Squat Down and Poop on the Holy Bible.
Creating a film that purposely spits a runny phlegm ball of blasphemy...
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More>
The
Matrix Reloaded:
If we need any reminder of the threat that the Polish
Catholics who made this movie pose to our American values, we need look no
further than...
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More>
Daredevil:
Daredevil is unambiguously clear
from the title and posters intended to mock every Christian with the
fact that Satan is a flashier dresser than Jesus.
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More>
Scooby Doo:
The term, "Scooby Doo," was adopted by
homosexuals in the late 1970's. "Scooby Doo" is Sodomite slang for
"feces roll." There is no easy way of saying this, but...
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More>
Ice Age:
The Bible doesn't mention any ice age, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
Read
More>
The Two Towers:
Christian Moviegoers beware!
"The Two Towers" is homo slang for "erect Hobbit penises!"
Read More>
Harry
Potter:
All True Christians™ believe
that Harry Potter books challenge both saved and unsaved children to create
demonically inspired worlds in their innocent little heads...
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Monsters Inc.:
Jewish actor, Billy Crystal,
stars as a talking green testicle in the new Disney film, Monster's
Inc...
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Jurassic Park III:
Being a True Christian®, I
have devoted my life to things that don’t necessarily make a lot of
sense. As such, I wistfully continue to hope that Hollywood will one day...
Read
More>
Planet of the Apes:
If you place a group of apes
together in a room with a Steady Cam for what seems like an eternity, will they
eventually create a movie? Apparently not...
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Tomb
Raider:
Everyone knows that angels
are the only ones who have the authority to raid a tomb and help
themselves to jewelry. Satan knows that too, and when he cast this movie...
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Hannibal:
Whoso eateth my
flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the
lst day. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. John
6:54-55
Read
More>
The
Grinch:
But make no
mistake, friends. This so-called “Grinch” is the very same
beast that tempted our Lord. And now he is back, tempting your
children to...
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More>
Castaway:
If you want
to spend 2 1/2 hours watching a dirty naked man with an unkempt beard walking
around a deserted island, then this movie is for you...
Read
More>
Blair
Witch 2:
Blair Witch 2 is truly
a moral breakthrough for Hollywood. The hidden theme of the movie is that
physical and mental disaster befalls those who defy God's word...
Read
More>
The
Patriot:
Yes, 1776 was a
glorious and Godly time in our now secular and pornographic land!
Everyone memorized their Bible and knew their place. Nevertheless, there
are...
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More>
Dinosaur:
No
one alive today has ever seen a dinosaur, since God killed them all the
Flood. But this doesn’t stop Hollywood from making most of them
look like big male sex organs...
Read
More>
Gladiator:
A film that manages to
be crafty without craft, is littered with offensive antifamily propaganda and a
level of vulgarity not commonly seen outside of Nevada...
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More>
American
Psycho:
Alfred
Hitchcock’s “American Psycho” is nothing more than a perverted
sequel to his pornographic love letter to cross-dressing from almost
forty years ago...
Read
More>
Man
on the Moon:
This movie provides no
evidence of people living on other planets. Instead, this is merely
another liberal movie glorifying the lives of people possessed by demons...
Read More>
Toy
Story 2:
Buzz Lightyear
is no longer a battery powered spaceman, but is a turbo-activated
hand-held rectal-stimulator with two rotating heads worthy of Black
& Decker...
Read
More> |
