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Click Each Link to Read Full Reviews and See Graphic Photos and Proof that Satan is Running Hollywood!  Movies are Listed in Order of Satan's Most Recent Releases:


AVATAR
The demonic characteristics of the Na'vi become obvious when one pays close attention. Their thick lips, suspicious hair styles, tight hind-sides and seductive tails, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man...
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Where the Wild Things Are
Years ago, a father entered his son's room to find him sitting in bed wearing a bunny outfit. The boy was naked below the waist, his back supported by several pillows. When daddy came closer, he could see his son had a copy of the book, Where the Wild Things Are, cinched between his naked knees...
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The Twilight Series
When I learned that Cindy Reynolds lied to her parents in order to attend a Picture House where this vampire movie, Twilight, was showing, I called the theater owner and had him shut down the show...
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UP
It goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway: If the sight of an old man with balloons in a confined space, alone with a little boy doesn't raise every anointed hair on your Godly neck, then you need to check yourself into a Baptist Mental Hospital!...
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Beverly Hills Chihuahuas
We really want to make this film mandatory viewing for our church members who have hired Mexican help over the years," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Sure, we all have a pretty good hunch about where steaming pile of poop on our new living room carpet came from, but this movie is about more than assuaging our suspicions...
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Religulous
Help Jesus reach the Unsaved! Stop them from seeing the movie, Religulous. Download this important flyer! Post it in every video rental store across our nation where churchgoers can see it!
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Speed Racer
With Nicole Ritchie perpetually facing jail time, the producers wisely selected the sexually confused lollipop-head Christina Ricci for Speed’s incestuous love interest. The movie even hints that Speed is involved with his pre-pubescent brother, “Straddle...”
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Iron Man
We've basically got ourselves a mild-mannered-man who overdoses on Viagra. Iron Man is named for his enormously taught and giant tally whacker which is used to knock out villains with a quick gyration of his hips.....
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The Golden Compass
We now live in a world where we have to constantly worry about our children being presented with abhorrent, new ideas that are slightly different than the stuff our parents forced us to believe. Since, according to the soon to be drummed out of town nitwits at the local court, we can't ban The Golden Compass...
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Spiderman 3
Spiderman is promoting the glorification of woman on arachnid intercourse. They use the same perverted temptation that has been used for hundreds of years through the fairy tale false promise of the princess and the frog....
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Fantastic 4
Hollywood is always trying to steal ideas from the Holy Bible, but they never quite get it right! Download a free educational flyer and hand it out to unsaved pop-corn munchers attending the new Fantastic 4 movie....
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Superman Returns
Friends, the whole premise of this movie will rankle any person of faith. As True Christians™, we only believe in one flying superhero. And He doesn't wear a skimpy bikini -- Superman's is so tight you can see if his genital herpes is in remission...
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Rated X-Men 3
If only American children would get their feet hot for Jesus and put their allowance in the offering plates on Sunday, instead of saving it up to sneak out and see movies that display obscenely attractive men and OK-looking women in tight leotards...
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The DaVinci Code
Sister Betty Bowers Reviews: "The Da Vinci Code is a wildly contrived story about how the forbidden love between Jesus and Mary Magdalene, the Brad and Angelina of Judea!"
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King Kong
Some of you present here today are old enough to remember when Pastor Deacon Brooks was standing in this same pulpit nearly 71 years ago talking about a movie called "King Kong," and how it rhymed with "Dong," which was a buzzword in the homosexual community for "male genitalia," back in the 1930's...
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Chicken Little
I'm going to get to the bottom of this Chicken Little nonsense. Do you know that I saw a poster outside the theater advertising the film and it looked like there was a stalk of corn protruding from an animated hiney on it?
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The Corpse Bride
Visiting a graveyard, finding a tombstone with a name on it that makes your willy tingle, unearthing the rotting corpse thereunder and engaging in unmentionable acts of carnality once you have the body above ground...
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The Incredibles
I took my grandson, Willy, to see the new film, The Incredibles, thinking there was no way the homosexual animators in Hollywood were going to ruin a super hero movie with their lewd smut. Brothers in Christ Jesus, was I ever wrong...
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The Village
A community of True Christians™ surrounded by a dense forest filled to the brim with bloodthirsty Wiccans. Sound familiar? It could be the Landover Baptist Church – or any Christian community throughout the land.  But in this case...
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Passion of the Christ:
I want you to print out these flyers and nail them to the doors of unsaved family homes with the same authentic replica gold-plated 9-Inch-Nails that the mean old hairy Jews drove through Jesus' innocent snow-white limbs...
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Return of the King:
“The special effects made us think we were really witnessing the Second Coming,” observed Brother Harry Hardwick, who sat near the front of the theater and continuously compared the action to the passages of Revelation in his pocket KJV...
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Elf:
When that big queer elf's head popped up on my TV screen, I thought the homos had taken over the world! It made my blood boil! We can't turn our heads for one...
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Matrix Revolutions:
An innocent young Baptist boy tries to plug himself into the Matrix by inserting his penis into a lamp socket...
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Finding Nemo:
Instead of running around looking for a little fish named Nemo, why don't you try finding Jesus?  You unsaved morons! 
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Bruce Almighty:
Universal Studios Pays Jim Carrey $20 Million to Squat Down and Poop on the Holy Bible.  Creating a film that purposely spits a runny phlegm ball of blasphemy...
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The Matrix Reloaded:
If we need any reminder of the threat that the Polish Catholics who made this movie pose to our American values, we need look no further than...
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Daredevil:
Daredevil is unambiguously clear from the title and posters intended to mock every Christian with the fact that Satan is a flashier dresser than Jesus.
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Scooby Doo:
The term, "Scooby Doo," was adopted by homosexuals in the late 1970's. "Scooby Doo" is Sodomite slang for "feces roll." There is no easy way of saying this, but...
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Ice Age:
The Bible doesn't mention any ice age, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
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The Two Towers:  
Christian Moviegoers beware!  "The Two Towers" is homo slang for "erect Hobbit penises!"
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Harry Potter:
All True Christians™ believe that Harry Potter books challenge both saved and unsaved children to create demonically inspired worlds in their innocent little heads...
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Monsters Inc.: 
Jewish actor, Billy Crystal, stars as a talking green testicle in the new Disney film, Monster's Inc...
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Jurassic Park III:
Being a True Christian®, I have devoted my life to things that don’t necessarily make a lot of sense. As such, I wistfully continue to hope that Hollywood will one day...
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Planet of the Apes:
If you place a group of apes together in a room with a Steady Cam for what seems like an eternity, will they eventually create a movie? Apparently not...
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Tomb Raider:
Everyone knows that angels are the only ones who have the authority to raid a tomb and help themselves to jewelry. Satan knows that too, and when he cast this movie...
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Hannibal:
Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the lst day. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. John 6:54-55
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The Grinch:
But make no mistake, friends.  This so-called “Grinch” is the very same beast that tempted our Lord.  And now he is back, tempting your children to...
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Castaway:
If you want to spend 2 1/2 hours watching a dirty naked man with an unkempt beard walking around a deserted island, then this movie is for you...
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Blair Witch 2:
Blair Witch 2 is truly a moral breakthrough for Hollywood.  The hidden theme of the movie is that physical and mental disaster befalls those who defy God's word...
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The Patriot:
Yes, 1776 was a glorious and Godly time in our now secular and pornographic land! Everyone memorized their Bible and knew their place. Nevertheless, there are...
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Dinosaur:
No one alive today has ever seen a dinosaur, since God killed them all the Flood.  But this doesn’t stop Hollywood from making most of them look like big male sex organs...
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Gladiator:
A film that manages to be crafty without craft, is littered with offensive antifamily propaganda and a level of vulgarity not commonly seen outside of Nevada...
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American Psycho:
Alfred Hitchcock’s “American Psycho” is nothing more than a perverted sequel to his pornographic love letter to cross-dressing from almost forty years ago...
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Man on the Moon:
This movie provides no evidence of people living on other planets.  Instead, this is merely another liberal movie glorifying the lives of people possessed by demons...
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Toy Story 2:
Buzz Lightyear is no longer a battery powered spaceman, but is a turbo-activated hand-held rectal-stimulator with two rotating heads worthy of Black & Decker...
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The Green Mile:

Hollywood's favorite homo Tom Hank's new movie "The Green Mile" is a shamelessly smutty adaptation of Satanist Stephen King's pornographic novel, "The Black Penis."
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Blair Witch Project:
If I ruin the story for you, I don't care.  You shouldn't go see it anyway, and if by the grace of God you are a Landover member, you are commanded to stay away...
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Boys Don't Cry:
There is one praiseworthy part to this film – the ending.  Fortunately, by the end of the movie, God has had enough of the debauchery and takes care of everyone in a...
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American Beauty:
"American Beauty" is anything but. Sure, it takes place in America, but that's certainly not a "beautiful" thing anymore, not since the liberals took over...
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The Talented Mr. Ripley:
The characters in this drama all grew up in a time when prayer was still allowed and there were, hence, no societal problems. Naturally, Hollywood wishes to distort...
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NOTE: Our film reviews are in no way associated with the comical and oftentimes extremely offensive Christian movie review parody site, CapAlert.

 


 


 




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