Action Alerts!

Subject Archive:  ACTION ALERTS!

Landover Baptist Comic Book Burning, Circa 1972, Freehold, IowaPastor Exposes Perverted Little Cartoon Character 
Complete shock filled the Landover Baptist main sanctuary last Sunday as Pastor Deacon Fred revealed in graphic detail, decadent hidden sexual messages in the popular cartoon series, Sponge Bob, Square Pants™.  
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Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves as Masturbation Toy for America's Youth!
Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon...
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TAMPONS: Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!
A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to...
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The Make Believe World of Harry Potter is Driving Children to the Edge of Insanity!
All True Christians™ believe that Harry Potter books challenge both saved and unsaved children to create demonically inspired worlds in their innocent little heads. We also believe that...
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Mind-Altering Energy Drink Turns Senior High Bible Study into Godless Sex Orgy!
Mrs. Huxton came home and found empty cans of Red Bull scattered across the living room and her son, Timmy, trousers dropped to the ankles, humpin' away at the cushion arm of their Lay-Z-Boy sectional couch like a demon-possessed jungle monkey...
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Aquapests: Penis-Shaped Toy Marketed to Pre-Teen Girls!
Shortly after overcoming the initial shock of seeing an actual Aquapet for himself, Pastor Deacon Fred ordered the Creation Science Research Center to begin investigating the penis-shaped toy immediately...
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N'Sync Lyrics Found in Suicide Note!
13-year-old Penny Hestridge, feeling rejected by a member of the acid-rock group N'Sync, wished the cruel world a good "bye, bye, bye, bye" in a suicide note found at her bedside...
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Rugrats: Television for Pedophiles
Nickelodeon’s Rugrats, made to look like a children’s cartoon to divert the attention of mainstream society, is nothing more than an obscene skin flick created to satisfy the most vulgar and depraved cravings of society’s most deviant sex addicts...
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Pokemon? "Poke Yourself, Satan!"
Earlier this week at Landover's Wednesday evening service, children's pastor Marty Richards told 714 kids ages 2 through 10 that Pokemon is evil and was sent to this planet under direct orders from Satan himself...
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11 Year Old Girl Learns to Have Sex by Watching Brittney Spears Video!
Martha Evans, an 11 year old strumpet, had her little harlot hiney dragged before court last week for luring filthy foreign men to her "Little Mermaid" decorated bedroom....
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Tiny Penis Found on Grinch Doll!
A quiet family dinner at the Gillman home turned into a nightmare from Hell on Sunday evening when little Matthew Gillman, innocently playing between the legs of his new Grinch toy, peeled back the green hairs....
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Ricky Martin's Music is Getting Christian Girls Pregnant
Ricky Martin's latest song, 'Living La Vida Loca' (Landover linguists translate this as 'Livin' for the Devil' in God's English), is causing young girls to have sex and get...
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Jewish Actor, Billy Crystal, Stars as Talking Green Testicle in New Disney Film
You may be able to get a roomful of unsaved drunk Jews in the Catskills to laugh at your scrotum, Mr. Crystal, but Jesus isn't slapping His knee over this one!....
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George Lucas Commissions Jar Jar Candy Sex Tongues
His latest Jar Jar Binks toy contains a 10 inch push-up tongue made of strawberry flavored candy. The tongue is shaped like a male sex organ. It is hard, and...
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American Idol(atry)
While most Americans pick who to worship each Wednesday evening from a list of 97 pound teenage sluts and high school dropouts on their TV screen, Christians instead are still picking Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, as their favorite deity...
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Are Christian Rock Stars Too Sexy for the Lord?
Creation Scientists at the Landover Baptist Center for Youth Studies have been kind enough to provide a quick reference guide in case your unsaved schoolmates ever question you about so-called Christian rock music...
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Veggie Tales Releases Product in Poor Taste
With the release of "Larry, The Singing and Dancing Cucumber" toy just a few weeks ago, it's become quite clear that the Veggie Tales Corporation is involved in a more sinister agenda....
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Rap Music is to Blame for Everything!
Innocent American Christian children are being recruited into the Negro lifestyle faster than Jesse Jackson can make up a new word.  Christian experts say...
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Freakylinks: A Sissy's Version of God's Menacing Horrors!
Instead of turning to the Holy Bible to find out how the ever resourceful Lord dismembers and hacks to pieces His beloved children that rub Him the wrong way, kids are turning to cheap imitations...
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Are the Vengeful Japanese Using Pokemon to Launch War on America?
Only an unsaved idiot would believe the Japs forgot about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. As Godly Baptist Christians, we recognize that the Japs have been planning to invade America since the day we humiliated them...
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