Baptist Sexuality

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Please click on each link below to read unique articles that will assist you with your daily Baptist temptations.

Claim Victory in Christ Over Your Daily Southern Baptist Daily TemptationsIs Breastfeeding a Gateway Sin?
"What needs to happen here, is to just do away with breastfeeding altogether," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Poor young Christian boys are being weaned into oral gratification from infancy and the whole thing just stinks like the devil's hiney...
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Sex-Free Bible Spurs Controversy
“It is beyond question that the Holy Bible, in unedited form, is simply not appropriate for children,” observed Montrose in testimony to the Board. The unabridged Bible is loaded with passages describing in detail such disgusting...
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The Bible Sex Quiz: Part I
What sex acts are most offensive to God? Does God have any particular sexual requirements for women? Take the Bible Sex Quiz and view the Scripture verses that provide Bible-based answers to these questions...
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TAMPONS: Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd...
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YOGA: A Religion for Sex Addicts
Creation Science teaches us that "Yoga" is a religion that sprang forth from the corrupt roots of sexual depravity in the 1960's. A time when godless long-haired liberals were running around our country trying to get people to turn their backs on Christ and...
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Pastor Orders Christian Men to Think Only About Jesus While Masturbating
"While the Bible does not outlaw masturbation, it severely restricts the circumstances under which it may occur," noted Pastor Deacon Fred.  The first restriction is that no Landover gentleman will be permitted to...
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Bibles to be Published With Parental Advisory Labels
Liberals are screaming bloody murder again over the accidental death of a Landover Baptist child whose sweet innocent faith in Scripture sent him home to Jesus with third-degree burns after attempting to re-enact a scene from the Bible...
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How to be Ladylike and Christian - At the Same Time!
Now it is time to talk about perhaps the most difficult aspect of being Christian and female – how to manage to be a lady as well.  Let’s face it, gals.  The Bible doesn’t give us much wiggle room...
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Don't Get Caught on the Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!
Jesus is not going to accept any silly excuses. He is not a liberal, nor is He a scientist or modern doctor! He is the Son of God, and his favorite remedy for curing everything is to burn everyone who doesn't do exactly what He...
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Take Back Valentine's Day: Get a Heart on For Jesus!
Valentine's Day has always been nothing more than a shameless celebration of promiscuity. In grade schools throughout the land, six-year-olds are encouraged to fill their classmates' shoeboxes with sexually predatory demands like...
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Role of Women Bible Quiz
What is a woman's role in church? Is a wife permitted to follow her own conscience? Crack open your Bible to find the answers to...
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Hackers for Jesus Crash 300 Porno Sites!
Satan got cyber-slammed this week when Landover Baptist hackers raided over 300 of America's most explicit "special interest" pornography websites. 81-year-old Helen Floribunda, group leader for the 17 hackers recruited for the "Scat and...
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Landover Baptist's New Concentration Campus for Divorcees
"If we expect the unsaved to live by the Bible, it seemed like a good idea for Christians to finally start doing that, too. And the Bible is clear -- no divorce."...
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Age of Allowatory Masturbation Lowered to 65
"Therefore now let your hands be strengthened." (II Samuel 2: 7a) In this verse, King David is talking to Saul (aged 65) giving him advice on how to go on about his life after the loss of his beloved bride. This is the key verse in determining...
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