Tips on How to Punish and Beat Your Christian Child
Use a heavy object, a ruler is
too light, a belt-buckle may cause bleeding and suspicion from liberal
democrat schoolteachers if
you are careless enough to allow your child to attend a public school.
We suggest a heavy King James...
Pack Your Guns. It's Time For Vacation Bible Camp!
Please do not send food
to camp with your child. Each child will be given a satchel of dried
locusts to serve as a Bible trail mix. Other than that, understand that
your child is attending Bible camp to learn post-apocalyptic techniques
on how to...
Boy Caught Playing With Dolls
In accordance with Landover's
Biblical school guidelines, Geoffrey's schoolmates will be commanded to
continue to taunt, trip, slap and spit upon him to encourage him to see
the error of his evil lifestyle choice. The child's image will also be
Kids Want to Know: Did the Lord Jesus Get Zits?
"Yet Jimmy, you should
know that later in life, Jesus turned His dermatological affliction into
a strength - using His cystic pustules as a mighty shield with which He
repelled the cheap, open-legged Jewesses who stalked Him tirelessly...
Children Are Trying to Masturbate With Electronic Abdominal Exercise
"What really disturbs us
most," said Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, "is that
at the very beginning of the instruction booklet it states, 'Read this
manual thoroughly before you begin.' There is no question that that
statement is both malicious and deliberate."...
to Rear a Child
Heather Hardwick's Heart and
Head Healthy Habits Part III. Assuming the child isn’t too demonic,
and only occasionally misbehaves, you are nonetheless allowed and
obliged to beat the stuffing out of it with a rod. No less than three
My Christian Child in Trouble?
Is your child wearing his hat
sideways? Is he or she wearing loose or baggy fitting pants and
referring to his bedroom as a crib...
Television For Pedophiles
Everything about this show
appeals to the most prurient of interests. The surname of most of the
show’s characters is “Pickles,” which is a euphemism for the male
genitalia (along with “Sprout,” the nickname given to the...
Hates Jesus, Wishes Everyone Was Dead
The boy was immediately rushed
to the Landover Baptist "Christian Crisis Center" where he was
prayed over and slapped about the face for nearly 12 hours. Concerned
pastors were appalled when the child refused to...
God Send Bears to Kill Little Children?
The Lord sending bears to maul
young children to death is nothing new to True Christians who have
memorized their Bible! Saved folks know...
Are Children Project
Mrs. Billy (Tammy-Jo) Jenkins,
Christain Homemaker and Proud Homeschooler, has initiated a project by
which students will be 'Homeschooled' in an environment free of the
Devil's influences. The "Homeschooling...
Like to Purchase Your Child
This is a tough economy.
We understand that people are suffering because of what Bill Clinton
did, and sadly, American families will continue to suffer for many years
until President Bush can fix the mess...
Boy Chrissy, The Bed Wetting Sissy
This beautifully illustrated
book tells the story of Christopher Pansy, a 12-year old boy who is
gayer than a May Pole. He is a constant humiliation to his normal,
Christian parents. While other boys...
Are Recruiting Innocent Christian Children Into the Negro Lifestyle!
"Modern colored folks have
developed a language all their own," one religious report
concludes. "To the educated person it sounds like a combination of
grunts and screeches," the report continues, "but they seem to
be able to understand each other." To make...
Jesus Sling Little Children Into Hell For Celebrating Halloween?
Quite frankly, the answer is, absolutely
yes! The Bible teaches us that Jesus Christ is very choosy when it
comes to picking people to live with Him for eternity. Why else would He
refer to His...
Make Believe World of Harry Potter is Driving Children to the Edge of
The entire premise of each book
rests in the anti-Christian notion that the sissified lifestyle is to be
glorified and accepted by all. They make sissies out to be heroes, and
encourage children to escape into their own private make-believe worlds...
Exposes Perverted Little Cartoon Character
“I found out about this
disgusting little yellow cartoon character, quite by accident,” said
Pastor Deacon Fred. “I
was laying on the couch with my grandson, and must have fallen asleep,
so he was unmonitored...
Burning Safety Tips
A graphical chart from the
Landover Baptist Center for Christian Child Safety...