Other children describe young Geoffrey Barnes, 10, as a "scardey cat," a "nancy," a "sissy" and a "pansy." The child has no friends, for obvious reasons.
"His momma molly-coddled him at an early age, he was raised without a daddy." church counselor, Butch Strongman observed, "He is still being milksopped by that woman to this day. It's a textbook example."
The mother, widow Barnes, refused to comment for this article and will be fined accordingly.
The child's 5th grade Sunday school teacher Emma Gatlin expressed concern when Geoffrey insisted on playing with dolls. "He sat there on the floor and held a tea party for the Barbies and Pilla Babies and even the Christmas Nativity figures. He talked in a high pitched voice and exhibited distinctively feminine behavior. It was disgusting." Mrs. Gatlin let the behavior continue for 10 minutes, then she scolded Geoffrey by smacking him on his behind with a wooden ruler and warned him to stop acting that way.When he would not let up playing the devil's girlish role, she picked him up by the hair and brought him to the Sunday School Superintendant's office.
"I smacked that boy so hard, it dented my wedding ring," Superintendent Richards said, "few things make my temper rise like a sissified boy. That child makes my skin crawl."
"I've seen this sort of nonsense too many times before, and each time it just breaks my heart," said Mrs. Betty Bowers, director of Christians Are Saving Homosexuals, an Ex-"Gay" Ministry (C.A.S.H.), which advertises a high rate of success. "I'll tell you what, we can make these little pre-sodomites into good Christians through our patented Christian therapies. We'll get the devil out of that child, even if we have to beat it out of him."
To begin his C.A.S.H. treatment, Geoffrey will be asked to make a formal apology to the congregations at all 14 Church Services on Sunday morning. As punishment, he will be forced to wear a large sandwich-board sign reading "I Am A Sissy." He will not be allowed to walk on church grounds, he will only be allowed to skip. If he is caught misbehaving again, his momma will be fined $1,000.00 for each offense.
In accordance with Landover's Biblical school guidelines, Geoffrey's schoolmates will be commanded to continue to taunt, trip, slap and spit upon him to encourage him to see the error of his evil lifestyle choice. The child's image will also be placed around the schools, framed in mock "wanted" posters explaining in easy-to-understand terms why God hates sodomites. "We believe this will be a most effective deterrent," said Landover Psychologist Dr. Michael Tolliver. "The child will eventually come to his senses. I'm sure of it."
Church officials issued a warning to all parents who believe that the Devil might be targeting their child for sissification. Young boys who engage in the following behaviors will be subject to de-sissification:
Hop-scotch, doll playing, the wearing of wigs, the wearing of low socks, coordinated clothing or any pink or purple article of clothing, untrimmed fingernails, curious artistic or musical tendencies, a wild imagination, hair over the ears or collar or 'bowl cuts,' swaying or skipping, reading too much, insisting on keeping their bedroom door shut, a bouncing walk, lisping, crying or pouting, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear of the dark, disinterest in sports, refusing to disrobe in the locker room or shower after gym class, asking too many questions about David & Jonathan, extending fingers during a yawn or while eating or drinking, winking, whispering, giggling, bowing, and being the last one picked for a team of any sort.
To learn more about, or to contribute to Mrs. Betty Bowers' C.A.S.H.
Ministries, including C.A.S.H. Kids, please visit: Betty
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