Landover Baptist is America's Favorite Church!
 CHURCH SEARCH™ | NEWS ARCHIVES | SUBSCRIBE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | YOUTUBE | SHARE/BOOKMARK | HOME PAGE GIFT SHOP OUR BELIEFS
HOME PAGE
WHAT'S NEW?
SERMONS
CHURCH STAFF
MINISTRIES
FORUMS
ACTION ALERTS
BIBLE QUIZZES
FILM REVIEWS
BOOK REVIEWS
LADIES CLUB
KIDS KORNER
OUR HISTORY
CHURCH STORE
AUDIO FILES
BIBLE STUDY
GETTING SAVED
FREE GIFTS
AUDIO FILES
READER MAIL
NEWS ARCHIVE 
CULTS
POLITICS 
HOMOSEXUALS
WICCANS
CATHOLICS
CHILD-REARING
GODLY HEALTH
GODLY SEX
DEMONOLOGY
READER MAIL
E-MAIL US

60 Second Sermons

Brother Harry Hardwick - The Bible Answer Man!

Expert Christian Advice

NATIONWIDE ACTION ALERT!

Life Sized Satanic Dolls Serve As Masturbation Toys For America's Youth!

NATIONWIDE ACTION ALERT!

The Satanic Na'vi Doll: The Most Popular Masturbation Toy for America's YouthWhen Mr. Timothy Huxton* opened his son Timmy Jr's bedroom door, he was shocked to see his little boy's innocent white hiney nestled into the 9ft Na'vi doll he bought himself for his son's birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the characters of James Cameron's latest movie, "Avatar."  The soothing voices of the Na'vi and their timid, childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase a popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by their child as a masturbation toy. 

Under the guise of family entertainment, Cameron's  "Avatar" movie has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo." Pastor Deacon Fred of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The liberal media tried to trick us by coloring the devils blue instead of red and giving them pointy ears instead of horns, but we've caught on! Praise Jesus!"

"The demonic characteristics of the Na'vi become obvious when one pays close attention. Their thick lips, suspicious hair styles, tight hind-sides and seductive tails, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man," says Pastor Deacon Fred.

Experts who have examined the giant dolls that have since become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The dolls were created for the sole purpose of masturbation. They have four openings, and five or six extrusions, making them compatible for male or female pleasure and the innocent curiosity of young teens. 

Members of the Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which James Cameron's marketing geniuses have moved these horrific abominations into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted. "She asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know has dark skin and a nice tail, so what use are they to me?' Her mother was horrified!"  

Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Avatar dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll.

Any child that has seen the movie, "Avatar," is finding that their normal attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to 9-10ft dark devils with with feet the size of elephants, thickened lips, flattened snouts, and a lubricated phallic tail that juts out like a hard erotic poker! For the Love of God! If you've got one of these devils in your house, remove it as soon as possible! 

 

*A Special thanks to Mr. Timothy Huxton for his long-suffering personal testimony.  After years of recovery, Mr. Huxton has been re-admitted to the Landover Baptist Hospital for the Saved and remains in stable condition after undergoing treatment for traumatic shock

 

 

 

 

 



Souvenir Magic Mormon Underwear from Salt Lake City!  Click Here to Grab Your Pair Today!


Click Here to Visit The Landover Baptist Store - Or Browse Our Sponsors Below!
Crazy Bible Verse Swag
BIBLE WISOM GEAR
See Custom Designed Menstra Shacks!
CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS
Like the Site?  Buy the Book from the Writers of Landover Baptist!
OUR INCREDIBLE BOOK
Click Here to Learn More About Sissy Kits!  75% Money Back Guarantee!
CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS 
Click Here for Gear: Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers Shirts and Stickers
Abstinence Makes...