National Call For True Christian™
Support & Aid!
Aborted Human Fetuses Needed to Make Local Church
Halloween Hell House More Fun Than Ever!
Freehold, Iowa -
Landover Baptist Church is going green this Halloween! Unwed
mothers, harlots, and even Christian college students across America can
help by recycling human fetuses! Look inside trash
containers in government housing projects like the one pictured to the
right, or check dumpsters behind your local "Planned Parenthood" baby
killing factory! Send us as many human fetuses as you possibly can
by October 24th! We need your help to make this year's
Halloween Hell House Ministry
a success and more fun than ever!
NOT open Hell House this year unless we get at least 5,000 aborted
human fetuses delivered to us by October 24th," says College Republican
and Hell House coordinator, Billy Houston. "We only have a half dozen
from the Landover Baptist University Creation Science
Lab so far, so we are praying for a miracle!
Before You Judge and Persecute Us, Read
About Why Human Fetuses Are So Important to Our Ministry!
"Aborted human fetuses will cover the floor of the
Grand Exit Room of
says Sr. Ministry Coordinator,
Meadows. "After visitors feel the crunching little bones and skulls
of lost souls under their feet, the lights will be turned on to reveal the macabre
scene! The fetuses will then be doused in gasoline and set
ablaze to the Glory of Jesus Christ! May His Holy Name ever be
Sister Meadows says Hell House visitors this year will
experience a high impact Gospel unlike anything they've ever
seen or heard. "God asked us to make every person visiting Hell House
understand that that the souls of little
babies they ignored and stepped on are burning in Hell because they
never had a chance to grow up and accept Jesus Christ their Lord and
Ms. Meadows says that visitors to Hell House will be
moved to the point of tears, and be overjoyed after leaving the
Grand Exit Room with the scent
of burning baby flesh in their sinful nostrils. "The room must be cleaned and refilled with fresh fetuses unto the
scrupulous demands of of our nightly schedule every two hours!" she
says. "We've done the
numbers and if we don't at least 5,000 aborted human fetuses up
here to the old farmhouse on Route 15 by October 24th, we're not going to be able to open Hell House this
year! Souls will be lost. Satan will cackle with delight on
his own birthday (Halloween) knowing that our church spent thousands
of dollars and he prevented hundreds of people from paying the price of
admission to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I'm Ready to Help! Where Do I Find Human Fetuses and How Do I Send
Them to You?
Look in dumpsters behind Planned Parenthood or each
and every trash container in any government housing project! Put as many
fetuses as you can into a strong plastic bag, then put them into a
cooler and pack it with ice to keep the fetuses fresh. Remember, your
packages must arrive before October 24th! Simply send whatever you
can via US Postal Service to:
Landover Baptist University Hell House Ministry
425 Soulwinner's Blvd.
Freehold, Iowa 85442
Please note that fetuses the Lord Jesus has aborted
(AKA "miscarriages") will not be accepted. We trust your word on
this because we really can't tell the diffference between the babies God
aborts and the ones that Satan's doctors abort.
God Is Calling Me! What Else Can I Do To
Help Your Anointed Halloween Ministry?
Church families in Freehold, Iowa are
taking precious time out of their Christian schedules to
feces and urine which will also be used in this year's Hell House. As
part of a week long "Poop Drive," each tithing member
of Landover Baptist Church in good standing picked
up a large tin trash bucket at the end of church services last week. This
church families will poop and pee every single day into the same
trash can! On Friday, families will drop their topped off cans at
the old abandoned farm house on route 15 between 2PM and 7PM.
Families with special needs can call the University to have a Hell House
representative student come by and pick up the topped off can at no
This year, our goal is to get
2 tons of human feces
and 825 gallons of human urine by October 24th. If you'd like
to help, please send up to 5lbs of your own feces and/or 1 gallon of
your own urine to the same address above. Please ensure that your
package is sealed and stamped or the US Postal Service will not deliver
it in a timely manner!
Those of you who can also provide vomit, we ask that
you separate the liquid from any chunks and seal them both in separate
bags marked accordingly. Hell House coordinators say that
they should have no problem meeting their volume goal for vomit this
year, as that form of human excrement is provided daily by Landover Baptist University volunteers
currently working on Hell House construction.