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Aborted Human Fetuses Needed to Make Local Church Halloween Hell House More Fun Than Ever!

UPDATE: USA CHRISTIAN PERSECUTION ALERT!
OUR HELL HOUSE HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN BY THE FEDS
[Click Here: Mandatory PUBLIC LEGAL NOTICE!]

CLICK HERE To Learn More About Baptist Hell Houses!Freehold, Iowa - Landover Baptist Church is going green this Halloween! Unwed mothers, harlots, and even Christian college students across America can help by recycling human fetuses!  Look inside trash containers in government housing projects like the one pictured to the right, or check dumpsters behind your local "Planned Parenthood" baby killing factory!  Send us as many human fetuses as you possibly can by October 24th!  We need your help to make this year's Halloween Hell House Ministry a success and more fun than ever!   

"We will NOT open Hell House this year unless we get at least 5,000 aborted human fetuses delivered to us by October 24th," says College Republican and Hell House coordinator, Billy Houston.  "We only have a half dozen from the Landover Baptist University Creation Science Lab so far, so we are praying for a miracle!

Before You Judge and Persecute Us, Read About Why Human Fetuses Are So Important to Our Ministry!

"Aborted human fetuses will cover the floor of the Grand Exit Room of Hell House," says Sr. Ministry Coordinator, Sister Tammy Meadows. "After visitors feel the crunching little bones and skulls of lost souls under their feet, the lights will be turned on to reveal the macabre scene!  The fetuses will then be doused in gasoline and set ablaze to the Glory of Jesus Christ!  May His Holy Name ever be praised"

Sister Meadows says Hell House visitors this year will experience a high impact Gospel unlike anything they've ever seen or heard.  "God asked us to make every person visiting Hell House understand that that the souls of little babies they ignored and stepped on are burning in Hell because they never had a chance to grow up  and accept Jesus Christ their Lord and Personal Savior!" 

Ms. Meadows says that visitors to Hell House will be moved to the point of tears, and be overjoyed after leaving the Grand Exit Room with the scent of burning baby flesh in their sinful nostrils.  "The room must be cleaned and refilled with fresh fetuses unto the scrupulous demands of of our nightly schedule every two hours!" she says. "We've done the numbers and if we don't at least 5,000 aborted human fetuses up here to the old farmhouse on Route 15 by October 24th, we're not going to be able to open Hell House this year!  Souls will be lost. Satan will cackle with delight on his own birthday (Halloween) knowing that our church spent thousands of dollars and he prevented hundreds of people from paying the price of admission to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I'm Ready to Help!  Where Do I Find Human Fetuses and How Do I Send Them to You?

Look in dumpsters behind Planned Parenthood or each and every trash container in any government housing project!  Put as many fetuses as you can into a strong plastic bag, then put them into a cooler and pack it with ice to keep the fetuses fresh. Remember, your packages must arrive before October 24th!  Simply send whatever you can via US Postal Service to:

Landover Baptist University Hell House Ministry
425 Soulwinner's Blvd.
Freehold, Iowa 85442

Please note that fetuses the Lord Jesus has aborted (AKA "miscarriages") will not be accepted.  We trust your word on this because we really can't tell the diffference between the babies God aborts and the ones that Satan's doctors abort.

God Is Calling Me! What Else Can I Do To Help Your Anointed Halloween Ministry?

CLICK HERE To Learn More About Baptist Hell Houses!Church families in Freehold, Iowa are taking precious time out of their Christian schedules to donate human feces and urine which will also be used in this year's Hell House.  As part of a week long "Poop Drive," each tithing member of Landover Baptist Church in good standing picked up a large tin trash bucket at the end of church services last week.  This whole week, church families will poop and pee every single day into the same trash can! On Friday, families will drop their topped off cans at the old abandoned farm house on route 15 between 2PM and 7PM.  Families with special needs can call the University to have a Hell House representative student come by and pick up the topped off can at no charge.

This year, our goal is to get 2 tons of human feces and 825 gallons of human urine by October 24th.  If you'd like to help, please send up to 5lbs of your own feces and/or 1 gallon of your own urine to the same address above.  Please ensure that your package is sealed and stamped or the US Postal Service will not deliver it in a timely manner!

Those of you who can also provide vomit, we ask that you separate the liquid from any chunks and seal them both in separate bags marked accordingly.  Hell House coordinators say that they should have no problem meeting their volume goal for vomit this year, as that form of human excrement is provided daily by Landover Baptist University volunteers currently working on Hell House construction.  

 


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