Stacey-Lynn,
The Bible is certainly full of wonderful amazing facts, but accepting
the fact that most folks lived to be over 800 years old is a whole lot easier
to swallow than believing that every man in the Bible walked around town
with giant donkey-sized tallywhackers and balls the
size of grapefruits! Good Heavens! That would explain why they
wore robes! And they still do to this day! I can't expect a
young lady like yourself to understand how difficult it would be to
stuff a donkey dong into a pair of Wrangler jeans. A-men?
Stacey-Lynn, what you need to understand up front, before you attempt
to swallow this whole thing is the "context" of the verse
you are quoting. Ezekiel 23:19 teaches us that a woman
"played the harlot in the land of Egypt." So,
the Bible says that this whole donkey dong situation was localized to Egypt-land.
Now, it gives me great joy in these modern times to tell you that God's
Word never changes! Stacey-Lynn, if you've turned
on Fox News lately, you will see that Egypt-land is the top story across
the world! Why? Its because everyone in the
world is amazed at how big Egyptian men's balls are! As tens of
thousands of them take to the street to overthrow their government.
That takes some mighty big balls, I'd say. And God says it too!
Praise His Holy Name!
If everyone in the whole world would just stop for a minute and open
their Bibles to
Ezekiel
23:19-20, they'd find out what we True Christians™ have
known all along! Egyptian men have tallywhackers and dingy-sacks the
size of a donkey's! Praise God for giving us evidence His Word is
true, even in these modern times!
And Stacey-Lynn, for the benefit of anyone in internet land or any
member of the Landover Baptist Church who happens to be reading my
answer to your question, I'd like to make one thing clear. I don't
condone quoting the
2011 New International version of the Bible!
unless the Lord calls me to do so for the sake of blessed
convenience.
The King James 1611 version of the Bible, or as I like
to call it, the Real Bible™, doesn't use the word, genitals
in Ezekiel 23:20.
The KJV 1611 uses the word,
flesh:
"...she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the
flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."
So, according to Real Bible™, Egyptian men had
some mighty hairy hineys in their day! And they pranced around
like horses, neighing whenever any issue came up!
Miss Stacey-Lynn - The more I think about it, I believe the Bible
based fact that every man in Egypt is doing a might bit of prancing
around nowadays, because they are dealing with all sorts of issues is a
more important thing for a girl your age to focus on than the size of
their genitals or even how many hairs they have on their hineys.
After praying over your E-mail, I decided to forward it to Dr.
Edwards and request he schedule a gynecology appointment with you and a
counseling session with your mother and father. Until then, please
refrain from reading the 2011 New International Version of the Bible
without a Baptist Pastor's supervision.
Sincerely,
Pastor Deacon Fred
CEO
Head Pastor
Landover Baptist Church
