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Brother Harry Hardwick - The Bible Answer Man!

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Our Church's Ongoing Series to Answer the Toughest Questions Asked by True Christian™ Children.  Click Here to Read More Questions From Christian Kids! 

BIBLE TRUTH NEWS WIRE- Egyptian Protesters Prove Ezekiel 23:19-20:  Modern Egyptian men demonstrate Biblical legacy of having balls as big as a donkey's

Did Men in Bible Times Really Have Balls as Big as a Donkey's?

Pastor,

Please forgive me to uses the words, "Balls." Just hoping you answer my letter of the thousand you receives ever month.

I is very sincere about my questian.  I just turn 17 and allow to read Bibles by myselfs. So there is a verse I is curiousity about. The verse say:

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses - Ezekiel 23:20

I look up the word genitals in the dictarionary and it say, Balls! OMG! LOLS!!!Sorry!!!

So Pastor, did mens in Bible times has donkey balls? Thats is VERY BIG!   

Stacey-Lynn
Landover Baptist Academy for the Saved
Age 17

 

Stacey-Lynn,

The Bible is certainly full of wonderful amazing facts, but accepting the fact that most folks lived to be over 800 years old is a whole lot easier to swallow than believing that every man in the Bible walked around town with giant donkey-sized tallywhackers and balls the size of grapefruits! Good Heavens! That would explain why they wore robes!  And they still do to this day!  I can't expect a young lady like yourself to understand how difficult it would be to stuff a donkey dong into a pair of Wrangler jeans. A-men?

Stacey-Lynn, what you need to understand up front, before you attempt to swallow this whole thing is the "context" of the verse you are quoting.  Ezekiel 23:19 teaches us that a woman "played the harlot in the land of Egypt." So, the Bible says that this whole donkey dong situation was localized to Egypt-land. 

Now, it gives me great joy in these modern times to tell you that God's Word never changes!   Stacey-Lynn, if you've turned on Fox News lately, you will see that Egypt-land is the top story across the world!   Why?  Its because everyone in the world is amazed at how big Egyptian men's balls are!  As tens of thousands of them take to the street to overthrow their government.  That takes some mighty big balls, I'd say.  And God says it too! Praise His Holy Name!

If everyone in the whole world would just stop for a minute and open their Bibles to Ezekiel 23:19-20, they'd find out what we True Christians™ have known all along! Egyptian men have tallywhackers and dingy-sacks the size of a donkey's!  Praise God for giving us evidence His Word is true, even in these modern times!

And Stacey-Lynn, for the benefit of anyone in internet land or any member of the Landover Baptist Church who happens to be reading my answer to your question, I'd like to make one thing clear.  I don't condone quoting the 2011 New International version of the Bible! unless the Lord calls me to do so for the sake of blessed convenience.

The King James 1611 version of the Bible, or as I like to call it, the Real Bible™, doesn't use the word, genitals in Ezekiel 23:20. The KJV 1611 uses the word, flesh:  

"...she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."

So, according to Real Bible™, Egyptian men had some mighty hairy hineys in their day!  And they pranced around like horses, neighing whenever any issue came up!  

Miss Stacey-Lynn - The more I think about it, I believe the Bible based fact that every man in Egypt is doing a might bit of prancing around nowadays, because they are dealing with all sorts of issues is a more important thing for a girl your age to focus on than the size of their genitals or even how many hairs they have on their hineys. 

After praying over your E-mail, I decided to forward it to Dr. Edwards and request he schedule a gynecology appointment with you and a counseling session with your mother and father.  Until then, please refrain from reading the 2011 New International Version of the Bible without a Baptist Pastor's supervision.  

Sincerely,

 

Pastor Deacon Fred
CEO
Head Pastor
Landover Baptist Church

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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