From the Landover Baptist 10 Year
Internet Anniversary Series
Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth
Action Alert: Dated July 1999:
ONGOING ACTION ALERT
| ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED - JULY 1999!
Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked
to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks
doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have
suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the
character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing
voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a
world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular
life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the
child as a masturbation toy.
Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars"
prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual
innuendo. Pastor Deacon Fred of the Landover Baptist Church commented,
"The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become
obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping,
his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered
man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the
favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is
overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation.
It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for
male or female pleasure.
Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic
subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific
abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned
that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted,
"she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at
school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than
Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."
Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this
problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American
homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this
movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the
opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with
elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two
phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God!
If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!