Godly Costume Recommendation

Freehold, Iowa - When little Nathan De'Angelo puts on his Halloween costume this year, it won't be used for ungodly trick or treating. It will however, be used to put the fear of the Living God into any unsaved child that might pass his way. Mrs. Larry Rice, owner of the Biblical Costume Shop next to the Firearms Gallery and Food Court in the Landover Baptist Christian Shopping Mall, says that the Holy Ghost Halloween costume is on back order every year for the last 20-years. "We sell 200 a day and that is the maximum the factory can deliver in a week," she said. "It is the most frightening costume I have ever seen, and when you add the blood, severed demon head and the giant axe, it enough to send a shiver down your spine!"

"As every True Christian™ knows, Halloween is a Catholic High Holy Day (called such for the use of opiates in most Catholic rituals) when priests and nuns throughout the land light candles and incense to bring the relics of their so-called saints back to life," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Once these buried bones, shrunken heads and vials of the false goddess, Mary's breast milk are summoned to life by the hoofed master, Lucifer, they are sent out into Godly communities to try to scare Bible-believing Christians and take their wallets and purses." It is for this reason, in 1994, the Landover community passed a law banning Halloween and Mary Worshippers (Catholics). Unfortunately, after the arrest and imprisonment of over 350 so-called trick or treaters under the age of 10 and the shutdown of two Roman Catholic parishes, the liberal Iowa Supreme Court sided with Lucifer (as usual) and made this ungodly Catholic celebration of Satan's birthday once again legal. But True Christians™ are fighting back and making Halloween a victory for the Lord Jesus.

Little Nathan De'Angelo told his teachers at Landover Christian Academy: "Me and a bunch of other kids plan to win a bunch of stupid people to Jesus with our Halloween costumes this year." He went on to say, "we are going to find some unsaved liberal kids with scary devil costumes and present them with the gospel. If they refuse to accept Jesus, we'll rip apart their costumes and burn them right there in the street! Oh, man! I just want to shout, Glory! I can't wait! If we can't get their costumes, we are going to beat the devil right out of them sissies. Then we're gonna take their secular candies as a love offering for the glory of God! It's gonna be totally awesome!"

"What an exciting night this is going to be!" Pastor Deacon Fred told the congregation last Sunday. "I am behind our children 100%. The Holy Ghost is going to attack Satan on his own birthday by using our annointed Baptist children as Godly vessels of destruction. We, as adults, should admire angelic children like Nathan who have the guts to stand up for their faith. These sweet kids are living out the words of Jesus when he said, 'I came not to bring peace, but a sword!' (Matthew 10:34). I think a fist works just as well as a sword when it comes to doing battle with real live demons! If a little six-year-old girl thinks it is cute to dress up like a witch, then she needs to find out what happens to real witches. Maybe she'll change her corrupt little mind when she ends up in the bottom of a well or under 150 pounds of rocks. Children need to understand that when you embrace Satan, you are invoking the fury of Almighty God. And anyone who reads the Old Testament knows that God loves to kill children -- even without a reason, and Jesus has an even worse fate in store for kids who refuse to accept Him as their Savior! It is a fate far too grisly to go on about here, let's just say that Jesus is a little more diabolical than his Daddy when it comes to thinking of ways to punish folks who don't like Him. Just understand that these crafty children who thumb their noses at God by dressing up to please Satan are playing a very dangerous game."

The Holy Ghost Halloween costume was designed by Mrs. Satin Macy over 20-years ago. "I was visiting my son at the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota years back when the idea came to me," she said. "I designed the costume that very night, and used it on some of the demon possessed kids the next day. You should have seen the looks on their faces when the Holy Ghost came into the room with a giant axe! I said 'Boo!' and one of the little devils nearly jumped out the window," she noted. Several children soiled themselves and were subsequently deprived of food to avoid such a disgrace from reoccurring. "If the Holy Ghost Costume can scare demon-possessed kids, I thought... just think how much it will creep out young unsaved liberals, Nancy boys, Tom girls, and fancy footed, curly haired, little Jewish theater gals. We're doing the Lord's work!"

"True Christians know that the Devil's Birthday is no joke," Pastor Deacon Fred said. "We have had it with Satan! We have had it with his army of demons trying to ruin the world with their favorite weapon, "the liberal media!" I gotta tell you folks, Halloween will never be the same! Our kids are not playing games anymore! This October 31st, Freehold Iowa better prepare to get spooked by the Holy Ghost!"