|Satan's Favorite Film: Toy Story 2
From Freehold Iowa, November 1999 - Toy Story II isn't polluting theaters yet, but Landover Baptist has already
seen an early script for this disgusting little movie -- thanks to the lone
Born Again Christian that works at a major Hollywood studio. This fearless
Christian woman, who must remain anonymous until honored by name by God
on Judgment Day, tirelessly works over the stench of a Disney Studios Xerox
machine, watching Jews get rich off of poisoning Christians $7 at a time.
Christ's mole was able to secure an authentic copy of every even-numbered
page of the pusillanimous script. The dear Lord only knows what muck the
odd-numbered pages contain, because Satan has obviously been keeping some
late nights at his word processor from what we've seen!
The cute boy from the first movie has turned so queer and wears so much eye make-up he looks like he should be in the cast of "Rent." And his innocent, sweet toys of youth have now been turned into a mine-field of deviant adolescent sexual experimentation. Buzz Lightyear is no longer a battery powered spaceman, but is a turbo-activated hand-held rectal-stimulator with two rotating heads worthy of Black & Decker. And in another crass attempt to plug a Disney TV show, the lovable and classic Mr. Potato Head is now "Judge Judy the Anal Probe." Yes, these are disgusting words, but the truth must be told. Woody, living up to his smutty namesake, spends the entire movie spiking the other toys' batteries with powdered-Viagra, as all of the toys compete with each other to see who can be the first to mount the sweet little springer spaniel puppies that live in the basement. This filthy little story ends with a car chase leading up to all of the characters going next door to rape a little retarded girl. This kind of debauchery hasn't been seen since Elton John's last pool party.
Pastor Deacon Fred read the script 12 times. He warned Landover members not to go see Toy Story II. He is particularly adamant that they do not purchase the promotional tie-ins that will be carried by McDonalds. "Even if the sexual probe is pretty and free with a Happy Meal, it is not something any right thinking Christian should ever have in their Christian homes. Let's hit these Homo Jews out in Hollywood where they live -- in their wallets. Praise the Lord!"
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