Browse and burn the Devil's
favorite Christmas toys this year!
IS SATAN IN DISGUISE!
Lucifer may be the wiliest of
all the deceitful demons that ever drew breath of fire in Hell, but he
was pretty sloppy when he decided to try to spoil our Savior's birthday
with this disguise...
Story 2: Satan's Favorite Movie!
Buzz Lightyear is no longer a
battery powered spaceman, but is a turbo-activated hand-held
rectal-stimulator with two rotating heads worthy of Black & Decker.
And in another crass attempt...
Unsaved People Be Allowed to Celebrate Christmas?
Jesus teaches us that people
who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to
spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash
Jesus Leaps From Nativity Manger, Hurling Wet Donkey Manure Into Faces
of Shocked Audience!
That cantankerous son-of-a-gun,
baby Jesus, turned anything but meek and mild, screaming like He'd
just crawled out of the filthy, burning anus of Lucifer's rump instead
of the pristine holiness of Mary's crotch...
on Jesus' Lap at Our Christian Mall!
Instead of having your child
ask that fat red demon, Santa to show them with undeserved gifts for
Christmas, have your child beg Jesus to forgive them of their filthy
Christmas Trees Pagan Idols That Glorify Lucifer?
Take this Bible quiz to
test your knowledge of what the scriptures say about holiday Christmas
traditions. Click here or below for answers...
Members Donate Useless Junk to the Needy as Tax Year Draws to a Close
The arrival of December not
only signifies that there are only 24 frantic shopping days until Baby
Jesus' birthday, it also means there are only 30 more days to find tax
Shoots Family Dog for Chewing Off Baby Jesus' Head!
Wonderful news on Christmas
morning at Pastor Deacon Fred's house as the Lord's birthday started off
on a glorious note this year with the family dog's demon-infested
carcass twisted under the Christmas tree in a heap of blood-spattered
The following Christmas toys
are banned from purchase. Be warned: If one of these items
is found in your home or on your person, then you'll have to find
yourself another place to worship, for you are no longer welcome at this
Horrifying Christian Hanukkah Experience
When we arrived at the house,
there were Hell-bound Jews everywhere. You must understand that
I'd never been in an unsaved person's car, much less home, so I...
Roast to be Held in Honor of Jews Who Converted to Christ During High
Many Baptists found that
Orthodox Jews were eager to abandon their faith, based solely on the
integrity and commitment of sincere Christian prayers. 215 Jews in East
Texas lined up in front of First Baptist Church in Dallas, literally
begging to get in...
Ghetto Slang for Murder!
The Ladies of Landover (after
getting permission from their husbands) disguised themselves as Negroes
earlier this week to attend a local Kwaanza party...
Landover Baptist Children's Christmas Poem
If you see Santa out on the
street, Curse him loudly and spit on his feet. Tell your mother
and tell your dad, "That nasty old pervert just touched me - that's
Baby Jesus Shocks White Church Goers
Pastor announced to the
frightened congregation: "Evil is afoot! During the 8:00pm service
this evening, Satan stole our precious baby Jesus right from under
Wishes "Happy Hanukkah" to Those Who "Killed My
Pastor Deacon Fred offered
holiday wishes to local Jews. "Shalom hackie licky hemlock to all
those who read from right to left," he stated, but then added,
"Wearing a Yamaha on your head won't get you...
Claus Beaten to Death by Angry Mob of Innocent Christian Children
When we had Santa down, I
called everyone I knew on my cell phone and told them all, 'Get down
here as fast as you can if you want to get a punch in on this pagan
troll before the ambulance shows up!
Naughty Little Children Really Deserve Anything For Christmas?
In their effort to remind all
Landover children that they are worthless, wretchedly sinful beings
worthy of death and lucky to have survived this long based solely on the
fickle grace of God, all Sunday school teachers announced...
Your Christmas Shopping Rush With An Impending Apocalyptic Blood Bath
Presentation of firearms must
accompany presentation of membership identification for entry into all
private Landover establishments, such as country clubs, Landover Day
Spa, Landover Christian Mall, Landover International Airport, and...
Birthday Baby Jesus. Please Don't Send Us to Hell!
Christmas gift cards and
accessories guaranteed to show ignorant unsaved people that Jesus is the
reason for the season, whether they like it or not ...
Tips and Party Plans From a Landover Lady
There are countless ways to
serve the Lord, those less fortunate, and your own agendas all at the
same time. It just takes perseverance, dedication, and the ability to
pull it off with style...
Christmas Gifts From Landover Baptist World Outreach Ministries
Once you have downloaded a FREE
gift, a nice way to say 'Thank You Jesus' is to send a tax-deductible
love offering. Don't know how much to give? It's easy!
Go to line 27 on your latest 1040...
Penis Found on Grinch Toy!
A quiet family dinner at the
Gillman home turned into a nightmare from Hell on Sunday evening when
little Matthew Gillman, innocently playing between the legs of his new
Grinch toy, peeled back the green hairs...
Taffy's Special Holiday Tips
Take turns roll playing the
birth of Christ using a small child or pet - - then eat unleavened bread
with lamb chunks marinated and broiled on toothpicks...
Claus Did Not Die For Your Sins!
Gift cards and Christmas
goodies for unsaved people who are trying to replace the Lord Jesus with
a fat old demon...