Landover Baptist Mail Received April 2002  (unedited and in original form)

Why have you chosen to live outside of God's love, mercy and guidance? He has given you all you need, for you are clearly not stupid, and yet this is how you repay His greatest gift - Life in His love and light.

Well, I'm not perfect by any means but I try every day to understand His message. I can't speak for Him, but I think you deserve to die slowly and painfully. Maybe a long spell in an apparent coma where you're fully conscious but you are totally paralysed and you actually get to hear your mother say "I'm doing this because I love you" as she turns off the life support machine.

Charlie Partanna  

To whom it may concern:

Wow. I just got finished reading much of the material that you have posted on your church website, and I really was shocked. I want to tell you what I think of your website, and of your theology, and I challenge you to "save" me, as obviously I am not. First of all, I don't know who told you that you were righteous, but they were lying to you. I know for a fact that you don't follow every single rule of the Bible, and because you're NOT Jesus, you couldn't possibly be righteous. Christians do not charge people to enter into their place of worship. Christians do not turn away people who are lost or who are confused. Christians love their neighbors as themselves, and they do not judge, as only Jesus can judge the mortals. I don't know who died and made you God, but no one ever informed me of the switch. Charging people for going against the dress code? You people should be put in jail. You say that "We will go into further detail here by stating that all authority is granted to Pastor Deacon Fred Smith." Sorry kids, but all authority is granted to God, you moron! Pastor Deacon Fred Smith must be a liar and a blaspheme and an idolator. The use of tampons is prohibited? Where do you get off, and where in the world does the Bible speak against them? Then you say that Muslims worship the moon and don't even know it? That's really ignorant of you. If Pastor Smith had actually studied the Muslim religion, he would understand that Allah is symbolic of God. Pastor Smith says they "smell as bad as Injuns". I would like to meet this Pastor Smith and tell him how ignorant he really is. Obviously he was no understanding of the nature of God. Then you call Catholocism and Lutheranism and Methodists occults? How absolutely retarded are you, and what makes Baptists good at all? Nothing. You people are messed up. But I would like to argue with you at any point in time. I would love the opportunity to prove you wrong.

Laura College

You people disgust me, you really do.

Christians are not all high and mighty, trust me, there are some pretty dumb examples of them (i.e.: members who listen to the blasphemy of Landover Baptist Church). Your bible says to respect people of all faiths and walks of life, not just the holy to thou that calls thyself god. You all are really brave to say that “if you do not share our beliefs, then you will burn in hell.” Wow, that in itself is a declaration of stupidity on your part on stating such outrageous and unfounded claims. How do you even sleep at night, oh no, you read the bible 24/7, my bad. Just know one thing, when it comes to the cleansing of the impure, Baptists are second on the list underneath Mormons for those to be exterminated.

A Pissed off Atheist

I have always been appalled at the audacity of Baptists insofar as they preach to others with complete ignorance of one of Christ's central teachings: Namely, that all men are fallible and capable of sin, and it is not the place of man, but rather God alone, to judge others. Your website contains a list of "unsaved" persons whom Christians should not allow to sit beside them in church. By proclaiming such persons as "unsaved" (the most amazing was the unclean immigrant...!), you are acting as God alone is capable. Remember the treatment Jesus rendered upon Mary Magdeline? What would YOU do if she came up to you? I doubt--based on the content of your website and listening to your inane preachings on TV shows--that you would show her the same compassion and love that Jesus did and expects all humans to. Have you ever read sociological statistics on the demographics of some of the various Christian religions in our country? Among other things, you would note that Baptists in general are at the low end of the educated among us. (Of course, you probably think education is sinful in many respects as well, despite the fact God gave all men incredible intellect and the ability to build that intellect and pass it on to others through empirical evidence and logistical theories and conclusions....) Your beliefs are as evil as racism, bigotry, and capable of engendering the desire in certain persons the ability to carry out hate crimes.

Michael Rouse

To Whom This May Concern:

YOU are difinitely NOT a CHURCH!!! You are an occult. Plain and simple. No more, no less. Just another Jim Jones or Heavens Gate waiting to happen. I can't help but feel sorry for all the weak people that fall for your shit. Maybe one day they will wake up and realize they have all been brain washed and get the hell out of there and have nothing more to do with you or your type. You are a prime example of one of the reasons I am Atheist. Enough said.

Michelle Anglin

Do you really believe that about breast feeding or is that your version of some kind of sick humor? I read your site. I hope that it is just a humorous thing that you made up just to be funny because it is wrong. I see lots of people of different non-Christian religions who want to follow Christ but are turned off to Christianity because of the problems of PROTESTANTISM. I read last year on in a game review where someone said that they were glad to be pagan since they played a game that claimed to be packed with good Christian morals.

I see on your site where you people bribe unsuspecting people into accepting Christ to rereceive "free" phone. Now you are deceiving someone to joining your church just to get a phone. They would be accepting Christ for the wrong reasons. It should be because they really have a sense of belief and love for Him, not to be bribed to do so. How do you people sleep at night? With your matresses packed with cash is how.

Your teachings about breast feeding resemble teachings of Roman Catholicism. You are not Catholic are you? Then don't act like it. If you believe in disobedient children needing to be stoned, then God needs to stone you to death. If stoning is so necessary then why didn't Jesus stone people and tell the Apostles to stone people? I thought that you people believed that Jesus did away with the old law? Close down your church before God visits it with it's vengance for abusing the name and teaching of His Son.

Kristian Naugle

Pastor, I think the devil must have hacked into your web site. It is full of hate and lies. I am a Christian Catholic I can not believe the things I have read on this site. For one Menu do is intestines of pork it has nothing to do with a offer to the devil. I also want to know what "Gods English" is. N'SYNC is hip hop music,Acid rock as been gone since the late 1960s and punk rock is nothing like what N'SYNC is, infact punk rock is much worse than anything they play on the radio today. Napster was shut down do to copy right laws not because of "smut control." The girl that was "killed" by N'SYNC needed so mental help as well did her not so great mother. Infact I think that how story was made up as well as many of the "stories" I have read on your hate web site. I also don't know why the bible would tell anyone to kill anyone let alone your own children. "Thou shall not kill." I will tell you one pleasant thing I did or more didn't find on your hate site was Catholic bashing. Maybe this email will give you a reason to have some anti Catholic info. I like you understand that the devil is doing his work all around the world but it is best if we tell the truth about the devil. When you lie for ANY reason you are working for the devil.

Dustin Rhodes 

To Whom it may concern, I consider myself a religious man and try to live a life like Jesus. I attempt to sacrafice for others and in turn I know I have the gift of the Holy Spirit with me. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe strongly in the Book of Mormon and the Bible, and I believe without a doubt in my heart that Jesus was the son of God. I, however, think that you and your organization are the reason that those who practice religion in this country get a bad reputation. You're anti-Christian propaganda is exactly what causes hate in this world. It is people like yourselves who cause wars. You are no different than those in the Middle East who don't practice tolerance of other's beliefs. You, in fact, are no different than Osama bin Laden himself. You preach of a man who did exist, but you in no way are conveying what he meant. Jesus taught love, acceptance, and tolerance. You preach hatred, alienation of others and racism. Living on this Earth isn't about eliminating evil; it's about embracing beauty, and treating every one of your fellow man, woman and child, as if they were your brother, sister, or own offspring. If everyone treats everyone else as a brother, that is when the world will be in true harmony. That is when Jesus Christ's true message will have been enacted. I hope you read this and consider what I wrote. Remember, life isn't about hatred or boycotting goods. It's about living a life similar to that of Jesus. He who lives most like Jesus, will stand by Jesus in the Celestial Kingdom.

God Bless. Sincerely,
Brian Allaire 

Dear Webmaster/Pastor,

I stumbled on your website this past Sunday night while trying to find some information on Baptist churches in America....I was astonished when I read most of the articles. If this is some sort of joke are sick...God and Christianity should not be portrayed like this...People like myself use the computer for research and believe that Christian people should not be made fun of...or ridiculed...Please reconsider publishing this website..I am ashamed of organizations like yours.

Timothy Hill 
Austin, TX.

apparently you have to education in the word go to college or god and get educated - you are deceiving many people with your beliefs - women can be used of God he is opening many doors for me - i am preaching the pure word - my husband is by my side - i am anointed and i speak to you to submit to God...


Brother Harry, get on your knees, and pray to your lord and savior for the strength to abstain from cheeseburgers and pizza until the point where you head stops looking like a rump roast that's about to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!



Why don't you get your head out of your ass and focus in some real issues you dipshits. I'm not even a Star Wars fan and I know that it's not meant to be a masturbation toy. Is there anything outside the realm of Christianity that isn't considered to be evil to you people? I think we all know whose mind is truly in the gutter here. Freaks.


Good film reviews... you almost got the correct synopsis along with the correct pic/story. Perhaps if you took the time to watch the movie and take an editing course, you might have a basis as to what to print as "fact/opinion." Otherwise, you'll appear as the inbred, homo-phobic, wife-beating, racist, ruination of anything innocent and cherished, morons that you are. Perhaps Von Trier was correct about you. Dickens had it, and I think Poe even grasped it, but none said it any better than ol' Lars.

peyton mailer

Hi !


Could you kindly remove the above page from the net as soon as possible - the text is a disgusting example of intolerance and religous and "moral" fanatism that made 9.11 possible.

Only if we manage to accept and love people and especially children just the way they are - as long as they do not do any harm to others (like smashing a sissy boy etc.) - we will be able to create a world worth living in.

People, however, who want to dominate others and who try to force others to live a life according to some stubborn rules (like "boys must not wear skirts" or "Islam has to be abandoned") should be prosecuted by the full power of a law merely based on human rights and the idea of "live and let live".

E.Jo. Zimmermann 

Merry Meet, Pastors,

I am amazed. I am utterly in awe at your sense of God, women, Satan, beliefs, and the eternal war between the Holy and the Hellish that takes place on earth. I am in absolute awe that you could broadcast these beliefs on the internet.

I have looked through countless pages on your website and cannot believe the things I am seeing. Saying that tampons are the devil's fingers? That babies who breastfeed are evil? The subordinance of women? Calling other religions occult? Saying that if one does not believe the way you do, they will burn in hell? How strange that you can say that, and amazingly, every other religion says the same.

It is incredible that one cannot be forgiven for sins ever in your religon. I find it amazing that God is so forgiving and so loving but he will put your bum into Hell at your first sin, whether it be of your choice or not.

That's quite the religion you have going here...but you seem to have missed a few points. What of the earth?? The ever vibrant earth? The earth that, without it, would not sustain the life of your Jesus? You seem to have forgotten the greatness of the earth...Sorry, just a personal belief of mine. And what have you done with ethics? Morals? I would like to hear more about your special religon that seems to be the top dog of all religions...I'm just a young girl (or, child of satan you might call me by your standards...I'll stick with Lindsay, though.) who wishes to hear more about your ways for comparison. I'm always open to new opinons on religion. It's really a facinating field.

Merry Part,

why so much hate for the outside world?

i red some of the e-mails sent to you so many peolpe hate you and you don't care, you trun a blind eye and only see what you want to, i'm an atheist but im not a bad person im a logic person and can't understand why you do all this and i don't like what you do, but i will respect it because it is someones belifs as i respect anyones belifs. witch maybe you should to, if you respect some one thay will respect you. please reply i whould like to no what you think,

Simon and Tracie 

The worst parody I've ever seen.

Susan Wise Bauer