Landover Baptist Mail Received June 2002  (unedited and in original form)

To Whom It May Concern:

Okay, I am literally a life-long Scooby Doo fan. Both my parents especially my father, a devout born again Christian, are devout fans as well. I would like to inform you that this IS a children's cartoon you are talking about. Your out look on the entire thing is A) too ignorant for words and B) utterly depressing. Reading the sickening and brainwashed, not to mention paranoid, words is almost enough to make me want to go back to my old pagan ways. Fortunately I am in an actual Christian Church environment and not some bull-honkey church that's nothing short of set up to make money for the leaders. Getting back to the point, I strongly urge you to rethink what you are saying, as well as educate yourselves on the creator of the series, and the time period the cartoon is set in and NOT the rumors that present day teenagers decide to make up in their heads. It would also be something of mine in mind to inform you that even if it is about drugs and gay men and "bull-dykes" as you so "christianly" put it, it completely contradicts your beliefs as Christians. "Do not judge least ye be judged" Matthew 7:1. Thank you for your time in reading this.

Tavia Lynn Wilson - 

How does it feel to lead a cult? After reading what your page says, that is obviously what you are doing, and isn't that wrong? Your site says that anyone who doesn't believe what you do is going to hell to burn forever. My Bibles says that if we confess with our lips and believe in our hearts we will be saved. Do be sure that you are in no way better than the Bible. Writing anything contradictory towards it is a sin, mind you, and sinners go to hell.

Brittany Thies 

To whom it may concern,

I just recently discovered your website and viewed the article about "lisping" that was on today's homepage. Apparently whoever wrote this article is not taking the physical and emotional welfare of children into any sort of consideration.

The presence of a neurological speech impediment (which comes in so many varying forms that it could often be confused for what was described as "lisping" in that article) in a child is by no means a direct indicator of homosexuality. Consult any speech pathologist and they will inform you that many forms of lisps dissapear by the time a child reaches the start of puberty, before the stage in human development that sexual development and feelings START. I suggest you go to the library, find a college textbook on Infant and Child Development, and research the progression of sexual development throughout childhood and adolescence. Whoever wrote that article is clearly uneducated in the subject and has no place posting such garbage for public viewing. Speech impediments such as the "lisping" your site describes dissapear before sexual hormones begin their main stage of development, therefore there is evidently no correlation between the two. I suggest you go to the phone book, look up "SPEECH PATHOLOGIST," call one, and ask them if they've ever found a direct correlation between lisps and homosexual children. If he/she even remotely educated in the field then he/she will certainly tell you NO.

Aside from the fact that the articles on your site are evidently posted and promoted by extremely ignorant and devastatingly brainwashed people, it's apparent that you've all mistaken the fundamentals of Christianity and have proven yourselves as religious hypocrites. IN this day and age when child abuse is such a major problem, posting such an article in a place for vast public viewing will only motivate child abusers to continue their violent acts.

Whoever is in charge of this website is not realizing what kind of effect it has on its viewers. The site is causing more harm than good. I suggest you take that lisping article down from the home page and put up an apology for its author's ignorance in its place. If that is not done within the next 24 hours then I will personally contact Congressman Sam Gilman, officials in the Federal Communications Commision, and the head of the National Child Abuse Prevention Committee to get rid of your internet site.

Elizabeth Kennedy - 

"This information is provided solely to members of Landover Baptist Church pursuant to clause 8(D)(iii) of the Landover Baptist Secured Tithing Contract. All adjustments made through the Direct-Withdrawal Tithing ® program are noted. If you are not a member of Landover Baptist Church, you are unauthorized to view this page, your ISP number will be traced and you will be served with a lawsuit for invasion of privacy within 30 days of viewing this page. " Click Here For More Information

I would suggest that the next time your "Christian" website has a secure page that you openly threaten people about. You should make is password protected. You cannot have a publicly displayed page, trace an ISP and fine someone and expect that they will pay....that is ridiculous.

Darren Terry 

To whom it may concern,

Your theory that Scooby Doo means "feces roll" and is somehow a secret message for the gay community is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard.

"Scooby Doo" was named by Fred Silverman after he heard the song "Strangers in the Night" by Frank Sinatra. As you may know there is a section in the song where Mr. Sinatra scats "scooby dooby doo".

I do however, commend you on your furtive imagination. Aren't creative people supposed to be gay? Yeah, I heard that somewhere. HMMM??? Is your editorial staff trying to hide something with it's overt homophobia?

Yours truly
d.w. - Doc 

Your website is probably the most amusing full of shit thing I've ever seen. People like you don't deserve to live. You stupid fucks. I would spit in your face if I saw you.

"Please join us in stopping Dr. Seuss from swindling salvation from children by giving a love offering of only $200.00 today and each day until the end of the year. Jesus will thank you with salvation. Your donation will aid us in purchasing every ticket in every single theater across the country so that the young of those less fortunate will not have access to the latest Damnation through Animation. An empty theater will show HELLywood that they may get our money but they can't get our children. "

Are you insane fraud is illegal dumb fucks. Like I said your full of shit. IF I had a green penis I would be satan you fucks.

josh chapman 

To the Pastor of Landover Baptist Church,

I'm a Christian and I find your website degrading to all Christians across the land. You are absolute Morons. How can you take a Christian Cartoon and turn it into something sexual. You have the corrupt mind. I as a Christian would have never thought of that, but I guess you think just because some Pastor with a Sick Perverted mind says something, that God Himself has said it. I am ashamed to call myself a Baptist after seeing your rediculous website. My father is a Baptist Pastor and you just wait till he sees how rediculous your site is. Maybe your the reason people don't become Christians, because you try to find Satan in everything instead of showing Christ in Yourself. If you only knew how mad your website makes me.

Randall Townsend - 

Umm .. the picture you claim that is from Madonnas wedding is actually a clip from the Stanley Kubrik movie "Eyes Wide Shut". Before you slander someone, you should at least provide facts.



i am a traditional athesist and i have went over your website, and i did nothing but laugh on your article about scooby doo, and even at the end of the article i repeat the phrase you said "We urge you to protest vocally, and protest in silence by putting the $7 you would have paid to see the film, "Scooby Doo," into the offering plate at your local Bible-believing Baptist Church on Sunday morning. Thank you." Ohh they put money in your collection plate so you guys can spend it on YOUR drug use, YOUR prostitutes, YOUR family, ohh but i thought they were giving to this made up person named jesus. I quote you again in that article "Hollywood is preparing to unleash this terror from Hell on an already suffering Christian Nation" Hollywood is prepairing better movies for children and youngsters alike. Its called entertainment, and if you dont believe in entertainment, then you dont believe in life, in turn you dont believe in your "god." Another thing inside that quote i just said i would also like to point out that this is NOT i repeat NOT a christian nation, we are a country of Freedom of Religion, christianity is not the one and only religion and will NEVER be one of the most popular. In recent days we have a christian teacher molest a 17 year old student of her's, and oddly enough she owned the Christian book nook, how odd, i guess they were having sex on the bible and rubbing thier croches with it..hmm odd, i would just use a bible as toliet paper, cause it means nothing to me, and its all full of bull shit. "Thelma, the little bull-dyke, represents the feminist movement. Hollywood makes everyone's job easier here because they never try to hide the fact that feminists are nothing more than ugly-looking women with glasses" ohh so this passage sounds like you hate women, and you actually in fact like little thats what pastors do..ohh come here kiddie so i can feel your gentials and then molest you when i get guys are sick, your religion is sick, look at yourselves and look how you are rotting away in your OWN personal hell.

pack 99  

Dear sir,

It is with Great Sadness that I look over your website. I expected a Christian (GOD LIKE) environment but what I found was a Blasphemous exoneration of God's word without scriptural basis only gross generalization of things that you expect your congregation and the world to accept without any verses or Godly backup to what you say... I know I won't changed what you do in advocating Satan under the disguise of Baptist and Christian; however, I do rebuke you and your church in the name of Jesus Christ for your blasphemy, and Pray that you will read and find the LOVE of God and put this HATERED in you from Satan were it belongs, the hell you speak so fondly of. For GOD so loved the world, not For God hated sinners, in fact Jesus spent most of his life on earth with the sinners you so freely condemn for condemnation is due only BY God not us in fact if one accepts Christ then "THERE IS THEREFORE NO CONDEMNATION" for his sins for the condemnation has been paid for by the martyr of Christ not the "suicide" as you refer to it. It was our sins that put our lord on the cross not his for even suicide is a sin so you just condemned Christ for sinning. Please as people who claim to be Christians try to put forth the Love of God, for God is capable of putting forth his wrath himself.

Clint Louton  
A concerned and disgusted CHRISTIAN

you stupid judgmental mother fuckers. i hope there is a hell, and i hope there is a god. and i hope that he/she/it is a just one. for if he/she/it is, then all you fucks will burn in hell. why? because of your blatant stupidity for one. for your righteous indignation for another, and for your self righteous judgmental slandering of those who don't adhere to the same radical off the wall bull shit that you do. to wit: I was deeply offended by your article on scooby doo. not because it hurt my feelings or challenged what i believe is right or true in this world but because it made me cringe at the thought that if there is a god he/she/it doesn't strike down such ignorant bigots like yourself, and that you fucking freaks don't kill yourself. i wish to all things holy that i see all of your faces on the six o'clock news saying that you all burned yourselves alive in some over dramatic religious shin-dig.... and i hope you take all of your children with you to save them from a life of enduring you oppressive brain washing. feel free to email me back and justify your ignorance, sexism, homo-phobia, and religious extremism that borders on full blown insanity. i'd love to say god bless... but in the case that such a entity/deity exists, then i say god damn. god damn you, and all you stand for.

(the opinions expressed here in are those of the author and do not represent those of the u.s. government, or any other associated agency.)

Keith I. Wagner - 

i have read many of your articles. and have decided that your church and beliefs are TRULY the work of the devil, i pray for you and your church daily, god be with you!

Stacey Miller  

Hello fellow Christians from England,

I myself am not a baptist but follow the Church of England's teachings. When will you stupid Americans get it into your head that the whold world is laughing at you, you portray the image of Christianity that Jesus wouldn't want ~ a stupid unhuman money making scheme! i remind you stupid fucking american "Jesus FREAKS" of the passage "I have not come to call the righteous but the sinners!" as for that Harry Potter crap just get a real fucking job you have no right to call youselves ministers ~ which stupid Archbishop accepted you into the church!

from the far better christian in england
Mr M T E Robinson Esq - Michael Robinson  

You are an narrow minded idiot how dare you call all femainsts ugly ladys with big glasses. my wife is a femanist and she is certainly not ugly you are as bad your so called devil himself if you belive that scoobydoo (a harmless childrens televisoin show) is luring people into the occult. you need to get your facts sorted out if you want to talk to me conntact me at


Dear Sirs, I am writing this to you just to ask if you are kidding about the tongue surgery to "fix" lisps. If you are, then I guess that is ok, but not very funny. If you are not, you are seriously ill people. Children with lisps do not need their tongues cut off with scissors. What is wrong with you that you think that would help them? If I have a limp should I get a hacksaw and remove my leg with it? You are some really sadistic freaks and I hope that you have never actually performed this mutilation on anyone. Oh, and Devil's tongue is a bacterial infection that occurs when you have an open wound. Try antibiotics. They will work much better than 'christian conseling'.

Christopher Matthew Reinsel  

Hello. I am writing in response to the article on your web site about Scooby-Doo being evil. I hope that it was a huge joke, because the whole article is unbelievable propaganda that only a simpleton would believe. I will now paste the article with counterpoints of mine placed throughout with ">>" to mark my comments. Some of it may be harsh, but I am trying to show you how ignorant this article makes your organization look.

As Hollywood prepares to release the new film, "Scooby Doo," we think it's important for Christians to understand some of the hidden messages in the cartoon series that Landover Baptist Creation Scientists and Youth Directors have spent the last 30 years of their lives uncovering.

>>It takes adults 30 years to figure out a cartoon? I mean, if children all over the world are smarter than you, why would anyone even consider listening to you.

It goes without saying that most Christians already know that the term, "Scooby Doo," was adopted by the homosexual community in the late 1970's. "Scooby Doo" is Sodomite slang for "feces roll." There is no easy way of saying this, but a "feces roll" is when a group of naked homosexual “men” get together in a public park, lay out a large plastic mat, poop all over it, and roll around in it until they have orgasms or are busted by the police. Some homosexuals save their feces in plastic bags and keep them in the refrigerator for weeks to prepare for such an event.

>>I have never heard of that before. I have not talked to a single person who has. Even if this is true, should a cartoon be shunned for something people use its name for? The name came from skat music, but I'm sure with your weird imagination, you could link that, as well as anything, to Satan.

One doesn't have to look too far to see why the homosexual community was so quick in adopting "Scooby Doo." The cartoon is chock full of decadence. It really doesn't take a theologian to see that each character in the cartoon series represents a perverse member of society.

>>A theologian would not be any more qualified than the average person to identify societal norms. You are thinking of a sociologist. Of course cartoon members represent society. Otherwise, people would not like the cartoon because characters would be unidentifiable as real people.

There is "Shaggy," a skinny junkie who is always sleepy, hungry, and paranoid. If you look closely enough, you can actually see the needle marks on his arms where he would inject a liquefied form of "scooby snacks" which were really nothing more than a mixture of cocaine and heroin.

>>I guess you were ignorant enough to write an article about the show without ever watching it. Scooby snacks were doggy treats. Cocaine and heroin mixes are called speedball and were not even prevalent in society until the 1980s. Do research before you state things as "facts" to the impressionable simpletons who listen to you.

Shaggy would even feed the dog (which is G-o-d spelled backwards and an occult way of referring to Satan) these cocktails as well. At times, Shaggy would be so high, he would even think the dog was talking to him.

>>Dog is God backwards and a way to refer to Satan? Yes, but Scooby was a dog. I won't touch that one with a 20 foot pole, because, I am sorry to say, the stupidest thing I have read in a while, and I read some pretty stupid stuff. Everyone in the show was able to speak to Scooby, not just Shaggy. Again, why are you people so ignorant to write an article about something you obviously know nothing about.

Another character in the series, Thelma, the little bull-dyke, represents the feminist movement. Hollywood makes everyone's job easier here because they never try to hide the fact that feminists are nothing more than ugly looking women with glasses who are always reading books and bossing people around. Our lone Christian mole in Hollywood tells us that executives were even considering talk show host and human hippo, Rosie O'Donnell, for the role of Thelma.

>>You claim to be so high and mighty and holier than thou, but you spout off so much hate. I do not understand you people. I happen to know many attractive feminists. What would make you say they are all ugly? Do you have something against women? You obviously have a problem with homosexuals, and it has been shown that 80% of people who speak out against homosexuality in a hateful way are actually closet homosexuals, so maybe that is why you find no feminist attractive. Rosie O'Donnell, by the way, was never considered for the role of Velma (yes, Velma. Again, the author's ignorance is blazoned for all to see). They only considered young actresses who could be perceived as teens.

In the character of Fred, we are subjected to a cartoon depiction of the typical homosexual male. His choice in clothing alone is enough to raise the eyebrows of any concerned Christian parent. Further evidence exists in his lack of interest in the character of Daphney, a female prostitute along for the ride who never has anything signficant to offer the group other than a harlot's smile and, sadly, unclothed cartoon legs that Landover Baptist Youth Director, Richard N. Moff, reports, "cause arousal in young boys even before they reach puberty."

>>Fred was the stereotypical "jock" of the time. He was not homosexual. Maybe he did not show interest in Daphne (notice the ignorant author misspelled the name). If Fred had showed interest in Daphne, the article would oust him as a pervert. As for the arousal comment, maybe you are aroused by cartoon legs, but most of us aren't creepy perverts.

The characters of "Scooby Doo" travel in a van (an enclosed vehichle suggesting deviant activity occuring within) from town to town looking for ghosts and witches and consulting with people who are familair with spirits.

>>Maybe it is because people use vans to transport large numbers of people.

It's always been a carefully packaged television program that introduces innocent young children to the occult. We could go on about countless Christian horror stories where grown adults fall prostate on the altar of Jesus and plead His precious blood over addictions to homosexuality, witchcraft, beastiality, drugs, prostitution, cartoon pornography, and liberalism that can all be traced back to being seduced by the Scooby Doo cartoon series as a child, but entire books could be written on the subject.

>> hang around some weird people. And it;s fall prostrate, not prostate. Maybe you had a slip of the tongue, because of your obsession.

We place this message of Christian love and experience here only because we know that Hollywood is preparing to unleash this terror from Hell on an already suffering Christian Nation. We urge you to protest vocally, and protest in silence by putting the $7 you would have paid to see the film, "Scooby Doo," into the offering plate at your local Bible-believing Baptist Church on Sunday morning. Thank you.

>>Instead of paying for enjoyment of themselves, you want them to give you their $7? The problem with you is that you claim to be a man of God, but you get rich off of your parishioners. You should have to take a vow of poverty. By the way, how big is your house? Is it your only house? How many fancy cars do you drive? How many of your possessions were obtained in an honest way? I am willing to guess that you fleece your parishioners for their hard earned money, and you spend it on less than worthy causes. Thank you for your time, and I would appreciate a reply so I know that you read this.

you people are bunch of assholes. I Stumbled onto this stupid site, and will work hard to make sure it goes down.

How can you people do that to a child who are you to say what is right and what is not the only one that can do that is God and you will not know what is right until he comes you people need to look around you the women on your web looks like a man or have you not seen that.


I just have to tell you how narrow minded your article on scoobydoo. Do you think that the kids even think about what the real meaning of scooby doo means? they dont know and they dont care. I am a true christian, and this type of generalism is what gives us a "bible thumping" image. You should think harder before you write that crap. I'd rather my kid watch scooby doo then read the propeganda that your site obviously spews out.

What Would Jesus Do? i dont think he would accuse scooby doo of being associated with satan himself. If you think scooby doo is evil, you obviously have not seen real evil. Real evil is the collaberation of men to carry out horrible things. The Holocost, that was evil, Jeffery Dommer, he represents evil, not a great dane that likes to eat snacks and is scared of ghosts.

Try doing some real journalism for a change

Thank You

Chris Smith 

You people are the biggest fucking dumb asses I've ever seen. No explanation to you is worth the time I'll waste writing it out. I hope that your so called hell engulfs you, and while you're at it, QUIT GRABBING LITTLE KIDS YOU FUCKS

L. M.$nbsp; 

PLEASE NOTE: "If you send an e-mail submission to this site, you are certifying that you are 18 years or older and you are granting The Landover Baptist Parody Website a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part including your personal e-mail address) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed."

In this statement alone you are asking anyone who emails you to be ok with you taking their submissions out of context to make it fit your views rather than telling the truth. This is not why I'm emailing you though.

I read the entire article on Scooby doo being evil and worshiping satan. There are many flaws and judgemental statements in that article that a true christian would not agree with. To call another person a "human hippo" just because of their size is immoral and not christian. To attack people of different beliefs is definately not setting a good example for christain children to learn from. There are plenty of other flaws that I could mention but feel that I have gotten my point across. Good day to you and yours.

marc linton  

Dear Failures:

As a saved Christian who stumbled onto your website in the course of research on churches, I can say without a doubt that, far from serving your purpose of being offended, I found your parody to be the most boring website I have ever seen. I mean, really, what a snoozer - It wasn't even attention-holding enough to upset me. I would say that you all are pathetic, but you are not interesting enough to even be that. Please, if you are going to make fun of God and His followers, at least strive harder to make it funny for all of the unbelievers out there. You are just the most lame set of blasphemers that ever walked the set of the earth. I would say that you are losers, but losers don't try at anything. You guys have tried to be humurous and couldn't cut it. You're failures. Good luck continuing to put people to sleep.

A. Mattingly