Deacon Fred Leads 3,000 Atheists to Christ at Godless March on Washington!
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GREETINGS! My name is Pastor Deacon Fred, from Landover Baptist Church in Freehold, Iowa. Home to the largest Harry Potter Book Burning Festival in North America!
know . . . The last time I saw so many unsaved folks in one place was when I
was a young man watching secular television.
The king of the Mary Worshipers, Pope John Paul & Ringo was
speaking to a crowd in some gobbledygook language he calls Latin, but Southern
Baptists recognize it as "tongues."
You don't have to know Latin to know what Catholics are yappin’ on
about – if it ain’t the CUTE NEW ALTAR BOY, it's bound to be about
their GODESS MARY. I
remember the Pope wearing a hat and skirt
---- it looked like he picked up at ROSE KENNEDY’S ESTATE SALE!
He was on some balcony in Rome, waving to a crowd of unsaved Eye-talians
like some palsied drunk hailing a cab.
was many years ago my friends, so MOST OF THAT CROWD OF UNSAVED
RING-KISSERS IS BEING SODOMIZED BY DEMONS ON THE DESOLATE SHORES OF THE LAKE
OF FIRE BY NOW.
is with their fate in mind that I'm gonna be as quick as I can here folks,
because whenever I see such a large crowd of godless so called
"people" gathered together, IT ALWAYS MAKES ME A LITTLE NERVOUS!
are End Times, my friends. It’s
a sick world we live where Disney cartoons like Monster’s Inc make a movie
star out of talking green testicle!
I would pray that God protect
our children, but when He gets a bee in His bonnet about something, he turns
into a killing machine. We know
from the Great Flood, THAT GOD JUST WIPED OUT EVERYTHING! – he even
drowned small children and unborn babies in their mother's womb just cause
some old people in town said something that rubbed Him the wrong way.
And why? Well, when it
comes to killing the Lord in Heaven is not like that sniper you all had
running around here carefully picking targets.
No, the Lord is more like them commie Russians gassing a Theater – He
don't care who makes it to see the curtain call.
how do we know this? You see,
they say that everyone has one book in them.
And the Lord SHOT HIS CREATIVE WAD WITH A BOOK CALLED THE BIBLE!
the Old Testament, we learn that GOD finds human beings to be very annoying.
He offers us a virtual cornocopia of advice on how to torture and kill
just about everything that rubs him the wrong way. And then in the NEW TESTAMENT, God’s Son shows up and
tells us to ignore everything His Daddy told us!
Jesus TELLS US to do a bunch of new things - like give away our worldly
possessions - but frankly – AND
MOST OF MY AMERICAN CHRISTIAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS WILL AGREE that sort of
thing is just way too inconvenient for us to bother with.
anyone really familiar with His wonderful book, the BIBLE-
will know that IF THERE IS ONE THING THE LORD ENJOYS MORE THAN MAKING
FREE BOOZE AT WEDDING PARTIES - it is killing – preferably employing the
economies of scale by slaughtering or drowning a whole mess of folks at once.
Why, Jesus even has a great big furnace of fire where,
come Judgment Day, sinners will be gathered together and pitched inside like
CHUNKS OF COAL.
because of the God-appointed Bush administration, the best business to be in
is the Oil industry – cause you know that if your balance sheet starts
looking gloomy because of crude oil prices, our Christian-government will kill
some soldiers to help your bottom line. Glory!
But back in Bible days, I think the best business to own would have
been a quarry. Because the Lord's
answer to everything seems to be a nice, sharp piece of granite through the
eyeballs. Cute little children
disobey you? Stone the brats to
death my friends! Beautiful young
bride turns out to know her way around a penis? Stone the harlot into paste, my Christian brothers and
It isn’t my job to question how the LORD GETS HIS KICKS! – but my guess is
that a crowd like this has him SALIVATING AT THE MOUTH! For you folks have unwisely chosen to deny Him.
Not a smart move. You see, THE LORD IS VERY INSECURE – AND HE DON’T COTTON
TO FOLKS WHO DON’T -- “OOH
AND AAH” OVER HIM and tell Him how great He is – or how they love the
luster of His blond, slightly permed hair or the twinkle in His mischievous
blue eyes. And He responds to
folks who deny Him as any loving God would do – He kills and tortures them. And this includes folks in the Burmese jungle who denied Him
just because He never got around to telling them about Himself! I want to
share some scripture with you to give you a flavor OF WHAT THE LOVING LORD has
in store for FOLKS LIKE YOU WHO GO AROUND THINKING FOR THEMSELVES!
ASK YOU TO PULL OUT YOUR BIBLES, BUT WITH THIS CROWD
I bet you TOOK ALL THE Gideon Bibles out of your hotel rooms like good little
atheists and threw them down the laundry chute!
ANY CASE - Hosea 13:16 says;
people of Samaria must bear their guilt,
they have rebelled against their God.
will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground,
pregnant women ripped open.”
that's right. The Lord Jesus wants us to constitutionally ban abortion, but
He is not above using it to get back at folks who TICK HIM OFF!
I just pray he has the Christian decency to restrain himself until
I’m finished here. I have a
feeling that if he is inclined to blow up the world about now, this might be a
good place to strike the match.
know, it brings a tear of joy to my eyes when I hear stories about the True
Christians who run this Nation. We
have people placed in the government who are trying to get you fools to give
up your silly superstitions about science and so called “logic.”
Get schools to throw out that nonsense about so-called EVOLUTION and
replace it with the "TALKING SNAKE THEORY!"
Why, we even have a TOUNGE-TALKIN’ PEW-JUMPIN’ – CHANDELIER
SWINGIN’ PENTECOSTAL FOR A United States Attorney General. Did
you folks know that Mr. Ashcroft
was anointed by Supreme Court Judge, Clarence Thomas with a few drops of
Crisco oil, shortly after he took office.
That oil gives him special Holy Ghost powers!
Your science books don’t teach you about true facts like that!
your lucky stars that you have Christian Americans in office who make most of
their decisions based on Holy Scripture.
These are the End Times, where we find that ----- the Lord so loved
the world, He is about to blow it up into a billion burning pieces.----
And this godly Republican administration in Washington is going to get
Him a head start! Praise!
see, we have Godly Christians in power now, who know that the World is going
to be destroyed real soon anyway, so it is foolish to put off the inevitable
by listening to liberal nonsense about so-called greenhouse gases and the reputed
DOWN SIDE OF WARS.
only thing keeping this country afloat today is that we have an invisible
friend on our side who is more powerful and diabolical than this Mohammed
fellow. To put it into plain
English here folks, it’s the year 2002 –
THE ENTIRE WORLD IS STILL AT WAR OVER WHO HAS THE MOST POWERFUL INVISIBLE
Mr. Allah – my invisible friend’s name is Jesus and he’s gonna TURN HIS
OTHER CHEEK SO HARD HE BITCH-SLAPS YOU FLAT
ON YOUR BUTT!
It’s all too clear that this nation was founded on the Bible and God – I
am pleased to say that Thomas Jefferson is now in Hell for calling the Bible a
"dunghill." And John Adams is right there with him squatting on a
pitchfork for signing the Treaty of Tripoli that provides in Article 11
"The Government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the
anti-Christian prejudices of those sinners hold no sway against the power of
modern Christians who have gotten together and decided we were founded as a
Christian nation. Because you don't need so-called facts when you have Jesus, my
friends! You can’t deny that
when you understand that even the tax dollars of Atheists like you is helping
the 700 Club stay on the air! Praise!
one thing I don’t understand is why you people are so afraid of Jesus
putting the 10 Commandments into public buildings? That won’t affect
atheists like you. The 10 Commandments are mostly concerned with punishing
people who picked the wrong God. So
if you haven’t picked a God yet, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
The first commandment teaches us that we
are not supposed to have any other gods besides the God in the Holy Bible.
a lot of folks don't believe there are other gods, but OUR GOD OBVIOUSLY DOES
– OR HE WOULDN’T FEEL SO THREATENED BY THEM!
I DON’T KNOW WHY WE ARE JUST STUCK ON THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!
I can’t stand THESE SISSY Christians who pick and choose what
sort of laws they think that God wants them to follow.
Why not just take WHOLE BIBLE IN CONTEXT? – that way we could be
stoning disobedient children in the public square, and burning witches like
the True Christians who founded this country did!
do you know that some
ignorant folks often ask me why I feel the need to undermine other people's
faith or lack thereof?? Well, in
the words of Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, "As True
Christians, we are called upon to marginalize other faiths or people with no
faith and to scream "PERSECUTION!" when they rudely return the
THIS TIME I WANT ALL YOU GODLESS TRASH TO TAKE A MOMENT TO JOIN ME IN PRAYER.
While you bow your arrogant liberal heads and contemplate my imaginary
friend who lives in the sky be sure to keep your eyes closed – CAUSE JESUS
CAN SEE YOU PEEKIN’!
Lord, I am know that I am worthless and a constant source of irritation to
you. Thank you for not killing me
today and flinging my limp corpse into the flames of the sadistic Hell you
created. As a True Christian, I love you with all my heart, convenience
permitting, and am only glad your nasty temper was not turned on me today.
Jesus, I know that your love is unconditional.
All you ask is that I do everything you demand – and flatter you
regularly and without shame or regard to the mess you make of everything you
try to create.
though you made some noise about giving away all our possessions to the poor,
please guide your Republican party to effect that which you most desire –
tax cuts for folks rich enough to tithe.
this I pray,
and while I have you, Jesus, I really want me one of them new Lexus two door
automobiles. So please call on me
to withdraw sufficient funds from the tax-free coffers of Landover Baptist
Church's offshore accounts so that you may bless me with the leather upgrade
and onboard navigation.
remember - Salvation is nothing to be joked about!
God's free gift to those who accept it, is eternal life AND – this
month only -- a free Digital phone, compliments of AT & T if you convert
before the year 2003. Please be
sure to visit our church website at landoverbaptist.com for more details and
wonderful holiday gift ideas for unsaved trash.