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FROM: Sister June Gordon
SPOKEN: 11:00 A.M June 2, 2008:
"I hope
that Pentecostal slut gets raped by a pack of Goddamn NIGGERS!"
OFFENSE:
Although Sister Gordon was distraught over having to wait for nearly
10-minutes in the grocery store checkout lane, it was no excuse for her to
take the Lord's name in vain.
FROM: Heaven4Me
SENT:
10:05:56 June 22, 2008:
"Mollie --- I couldn't have said it better myself! Just look at that
stupid jewface up there acting all better than everyone just cause Pastor is
letting that tin-ear hebe sing(?) the solo!
She may think shes a
Baptist but she'll always be just another GD KIKE to me!!!!!"
OFFENSE:
"GD"
Disguising blasphemy by using coy acronyms
doesn't follow the Lord's Protocol -- or Landover Communications Monitoring
for that matter!
FROM: Miss Patsy Alamo
SPOKEN: 3:30 P.M. June 12, 2008: "Jiminy
Cricket, the Pair-of-Dice Motel out by Rothschild farm is absolutely
crawling with wetbacks! It's like an ant farm for filthy spics!"
OFFENSE: Miss Alamo was rebuked for
shamelessly employing the expression "Jiminy C_____" which is a well known
play on the name of our precious Savior, "Jesus Christian" (later shortened
to "Christ"). "I don't care if you say Gosh or God, Darn
or Damn,
Cheese and Crackers or Jesus Christ," said a clearly annoyed Pastor,
"blasphemy is blasphemy no matter how hard you disguise it or gussy it up to
sound cute. And we don't stand for trashy talk anymore than we stand
for trashy women in this Christian community!"
FROM:
GodzGirl
SENT:
10:06:17 June 22, 2008:
"I was fixing to say the same thing!!!!
I caught a whiff of Donna when she
passed -- doing that showoffy altar call she always does.
I almost tripped the stupid C.U.N.T.
She can wear all the perfume in the drug store and she'll still
smell like the crack of an arab's asshole!!!"
OFFENCE:
Blaspheming by mocking the spelling of
"God's" in user name
FROM:
InHizName
SENT:
10:07:43 June 22, 2008:
"Inez -- U all but owe me a new
Blackberry!!!!! ;) I almost vomited a spanish omelet when you
forwarded that nasty pic of June with her ugly face splattered with
a quart of nignog pole juice!!!!!!
Where was that photo taken?
That bedspread is about the ugliest
dang thing I've ever seen!!!! LOL" -- Wanda Gherkin
OFFENSE:
Using "D-ng"
A blasphemy is never permitted, but it
is particularly unsuitable for conversation in church.
FROM:
Pray4Troopz
SENT:
10:12:07 June 22, 2008:
"You got that right darlin!!!!! LOL If Pastor
gets any fatter, they are gonna have to remove a couple rows of pews
up front!!!!! LOL"
OFFENSE:
[Reason is confidential]
FROM:
JCRulz022267
SENT:
10:12:07 June 22, 2008:
"Ben Goin to target practice after church,
meet at Dennys Rte 4 as usual. I can sml you, mmm... nice. Skipping
McCain thing on Monday. U too?"
OFFENSE:
Abbreviation of Jesus Christ into ghetto "JC" in user name is
unacceptable. Glorifying the skipping of any event to promote
a Republican candidate is grounds for dismissal. Receiver of
message also under investigation.
FROM: GodIsLove
SENT:
10:28:42 June 22, 2008: "Holy crap!!!
I'll tell you what -- if that little slut was my daughter I wouldn't
put up with that FOR ONE SECOND. Just yank her by the
elbow and say, "If you tell one more living soul that your Daddy is
diddling your little lady parts, you ain't gonna have no lady parts
to worry about, you little chatterbox tramp!" That should put
a stop to that blabbermouth harlot ruining your Christian name in
town right fast!"
OFFENCE:
Crudely referring to the Lord's holy, fragrant excrement is
inconsistent with Traditional Family Values.
FROM:
SISTRMacelWilkins
SENT: 10:55:27
June 14, 2008: "Ed
got 4 Wiccan kds chnd to bsmt furnace, I thk 1 is dead. Cheese and Rice!
Wish h'd chuck em all into furnace & be done w/it. Screams kpng me up all
night!!!!"
OFFENSE:
"Cheese and Rice" is another creative way to take Jesus Christ's name in
vain. Wiccan situation is excellent and husband is receiving funds from
church for his ministry. Expel Macel Wilkins immediately and move
Brother Wilkins to the top 10 prayer requests to find a new wife.
FROM: Saved4Ever
SENT: 10:18:02 June 22, 2008:
"Did you see Jolene McCoy's
weird little walk down the aisle a minute ago?
What the heck was that all about?
I bet you dollars to donuts that nasty
whore took Ben's reportedly H-U-G-E jonnie up the butthole!
Probably in the car on the way over
here!!! LOL
Anyhow, that's my story and I'm
sticking to it!!! ;)
Pass this e-mail on to TEN people in
your address book or Jesus will kill one of your grandbabies."
OFFENCE:
A True Christian™ speaks words that
reflect well on Christ.
"Heck" is not one of them.
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Freehold,
Iowa - Earlier this month, the Landover Ladies Club expelled ten of
their own members caught using vile language. "In some cases, these ladies
were gossiping in public, and in others, texting nasty messages on their
Blackberry's during church services," said Ladies of Landover treasurer,
Mrs. Sarah Smith. "We all had a good belly-laugh at the texters who must
have been too busy figuring out new ways to take the Lord's name in vain to
read the bulletin about the new network monitoring system installed
throughout the church campus. Network Security did half the work as
they intercepted suspicious text messages for us to review. As for the
others caught backsliding in public - we did our duty as True Christian™
ladies and happily turned the harlots in to church authorities."
