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Sight of Horrifying Halloween Costume Causes 7 Children to Gouge Their Eyes Out!


Outside the door of the Henderson Home...Freehold, Iowa - Dozens of children are being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and five, newly-blind youngsters remain in serious condition at the Landover Baptist Hospital for Folks Not Ready for Heaven Yet. Throughout the still traumatized community, children are suffering from severe psychological shock after an unexpected knock on the door last night at a Christian alternative Halloween party held by a local pastor.  The uninvited guest was wearing a costume so grotesque, evil and disfigured, the children were convinced that they had unwittingly opened the front door to Satan himself. 

"Only," said one of the children who had not ripped his eyes out rather than look upon such a hideous sight, "we never would have guessed that even the Devil would -- or could -- be, like, that totally ugly! I mean, how do you lure people to do anything when you look that nasty?"

Screams of "It's a monster!" and "Where did my eyeball roll to?" brought worried parents running up from the rumpus room downstairs.  But it was too late.  The hideous gargoyle was already making its way across the front lawn, leaving behind a room full of crying children and a deep-pile carpet wet with the ooze of  little eyeballs, which had been popped and crushed in the stampede from the doorway.

"Our hearts go out to each family today," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "They remain in our prayers. But I have to say I am pretty darn proud of the newly blind children and the True Christian™ parents who raised them!  They followed scripture instinctively and without, pardon the pun, batting an eye! Glory!

"And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
                                                                   - Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:29

Pastor Deacon Fred continued, "we cannot stress enough that Rev. Williamson, expresses heartfelt regret for wearing that particular costume this year. He tells us from his own hospital bed that he loves children, but the disfigured shape of the mask's face prevented the old man from wearing his glasses underneath.  "I knew the costume was creepy," said Rev. Williamson, "but, come on, how could anyone guess the final effect would be that horrible?"   

Rev. Williamson remains in critical condition at the hospital after being chased across the lawn by angry parents, who, thinking he was a foppish vampire, wrestled him to the gravel driveway and attempted to drive a wooden stake through his heart using a croquet mallet  Before a fatal blow could be struck, little Timmy Tomlin, using his Batman cape, hung himself from the Henderson's oak tree, distracting the furious parents long enough to allow Rev. Williamson to limp to safety behind Mrs. Henderson's hydrangeas.  

The Fiendish Ghoul!"I think that if Rev. Williamson had shown the costume to someone, perhaps his wife, before he decided to sneak up on the kiddies, he would have thought twice," said Pastor. "Perhaps he would have taken that hideous ghoul costume and pitched the abhorrent abomination into a trash incinerator.  I believe his wife would have fainted had she seen it and it would have saved dozens of families both bawling and Braille," he continued. "I get shivers down my spine and break into a cold sweat when I even think about that fiendish vampire costume! It is absolutely the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in all my years on this earth, and to put that thing on, run into a room full of children and scream, Boo! Oh, the horror those poor children must have felt at that moment!  I'm going to post a picture of it up on our church web site to warn other folks about it, but treat that photo like a solar eclipse -- don't look directly into it or you will blinded for life!"





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