January 2009

60 Second Sermons

Cleanin' UP the Web With Pastor Deacon Fred

A monthly message of hope tied with the silver cords of spiritual cleansing to links of sacred concern to True Christians™ in America and abroad.


Cleaning Up the Web With Pastor Deacon Fred - January 2009 CleansingFriends in Christ,

We all know the internet is a vile and filthy place. With a click of the mouse, tally-whackers and hoochies are being thrust into our Godly faces around every corner!  I stand at the front lines, protecting our flock with a shield of righteousness spattered with the feces and urine of hooligans who hurl their pornographic smut like Palestinians throwing broken bottles and stones into God's Holy army of Israelites.

With 2008 is behind us, most folks think the world is coming to an end in a few more years. A little light Bible verse prophesy hopping always assuages any worries.  Also, we know how diabolical and conniving the Lord can be. No telling what's up His Holy sleeves.   God makes Satan look like a sissy English schoolboy smiling on a teeter totter.  I stand with the Lord, like all of you and it is high time to start cleaning up the interwebs for Jesus. A Holy cleansing for Christ! As a True Christian™ Lord knows, I'm always busy because I put God first in my life. In any case, I will use what little time I have between winning souls, to slap together a few words each month and pepper them with links to what Jesus tells me are crucial and important to conservative American Christians.

I am pleased to announce that Rev. Billy Graham just joined a church run by the funniest talkin' Christian man since Ray Comfort. Ray once used a banana to prove God exists. He and his side-kick for Christ, Kirk Cameron had a battle of words with some radical atheists on CNN awhile back. Sadly, the Atheists nowadays are learning some tricks from us Christians. Their women actually wear make-up now and are easier on the eyes than they used to be.

In any case, with a descendent of Ham getting ready to ruin America, another war that threatens to blow up Baby Jesus' manger, and our Christian stock portfolios dwindling, It is time to take action! I am calling on Christians everywhere to do their duty and make a commitment to lay in bed until noon everyday, praying.

God bless all of you, and may the work of Landover Baptist be a beacon of hope to you in the New Year!

In Jesus' Name,

Pastor Deacon Fred




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