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March 2009
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Christian College Students Across the U.S.A Unite for Spring Break's:
Blood of Christ Splash '09! National News
Christian Students who are studying Marketing or Business
will receive one Christian Service credit toward their degree for every 10 souls
they lead to Christ. "I have no doubt that some of our students will complete
their entire Business Degrees in a single day," says Landover Baptist Pastor,
Deacon Fred. Students with other concentrations are joining the league of
professional soul winners for the pure pleasure of leading unsaved trash to
Christ. "For students who have been
imbedded in Christian environments for most of their lives, this will be the
first time they have ever seen an unsaved person, let alone to get close enough
to have a chat with one," says Ministry of Christian Virtue director, Pastor
Heinric Munt. "I am certain all
these Baptist teenagers will come away from this experience weeping over the sad
lives of debauchery their unsaved counterparts live, frolicking their lives away
on some of the most beautiful beaches the Lord saw fit to create." Blood of Christ Splash '09 What to Bring: Landover Baptist University Students Only: For Bob Jones, Liberty University, Oral Roberts and other participating True Christian™ Colleges, please visit your respective web sites or consult your Dean of Missions. The following items are mandatory and applicable to Landover Baptist University's Daytona Beach Virtue Squad Numbers: 17,24,25,37,50,62 NOTE:
Failure of Conformity Regulations - If any of the items listed below are NOT
found to be either on your person or in your suitcase, you will be asked to stay
inside your squad van for the entirety of this Mission Trip and your parents
will be fined $500 to cover Salvation Marketing losses and expenses! Don't try
to be a rebel! That kind of behavior will not be tolerated, and we don't
care who your parents are! PROVIDED ITEMS: Pocket sized - King James 1611 Bibles should be obtained from the large kiosk outside Bubba Gump's Shrimp Restaurant if you run out. Or in plastic bins decorated to look as if they are slowly dripping the viscous blood of the Perfect Lamb, which will be placed outside of motels singled out for lewdness. These Bibles are NOT for personal use! The pocked KJV's are to be given out to sinners ONLY! We expect to unload them ALL and do NOT want to have to take any of them back with us! Each Bible you do not thrust into the hands of the unsaved will cost your parents an additional $12.79. Towels will be provided by parental and Pastoral volunteers who will be manning the pink "sin spotting" binocular stand umbrellas positioned at 400-yard intervals along the beach.
A Word from Landover Baptist Pastor Deacon Fred: "The beach is a perfect place to share God's love. Unsaved people are often intoxicated and will listen to just about anything you have to say. And if they don't, you can always leave them with the line - 'you think it's hot here? Well, I hope you enjoy the heat in Hell, because that's exactly where you will be spending eternity if you don't put down that beer bong and listen to what I have to say! I'll be joining our students in Daytona during the second week in March, making myself available to anyone who needs my help outside of Bubba Gump's Shrimp Bar."
Learn More (National Ministry of Christian Virtue): "Operation: Sand Or Salvation," formerly: "Take Spring Break
Back for Jesus!" coincides with the launch of the American Evangelical
"Ministry of Christian Virtue Movement" which allows for squads of
authorized Baptist college students who obtain permission from parents or legal
guardians to travel together supervised during summertime and spring break.
Salvation squads will be strategically positioned along the Eastern and Western
shorelines of North America. Squads will interrupt partygoers and vacationers,
asking them to take a break from worshipping the false, Sun God, to
learn about the Real God™, Jesus Christ.
Armed with proven techniques to trick drunks into accepting Jesus -- and beach
blankets and beer funnels emblazoned with threats of Hell -- Salvation Squads
will turn up at every frivolous gathering, relentlessly talking about Jesus
until even the most orgiastic party turns its vomit-splattered motel pool into a
baptism opportunity. Jesus has
guaranteed that the mere mention of His greatness will transform even the
rowdiest of parties into the most reverent of prayer circles in less time than
it normally takes to remove a bikini top or line a bar with Jell-O shooters.
Each Baptist student will arrive with no fewer than 25 waterproof Bibles at ALL
TIMES. These Bibles, which quite cleverly look like little, laminated coasters,
will be given to unsaved people who pray
to accept Jesus into their hearts and the towels will be thrown over the bodies
of females immediately after they pray the prayer of Salvation in the sand. No Soul Winning Experience Necessary! "For students who have been imbedded in Christian environments for their
entire lives, this will be the first time they have ever seen an unsaved person,
let alone to get close enough to have a chat with one," says Ministry of
Christian Virtue director, Pastor Henry Myles. "I know that some of our
Students heading to Daytona have never shopped outside of a Christian Mall, some
only viewed blurred images of half-naked beachgoers from the censored Walt
Disney movies they've been allowed to view," says Henry. "So this could be a
challenge. Some might never make it out of their church vans, some might not
make it out of their hotel rooms. God willing, enough will be led by Christ to
put on a suit and tie, or a church gown, grab their chaperone's hand and walk
down to the shoreline, or hotel pool to sniff out the Devil's business for the
first time. One thing is for certain, these Baptist teenagers will come away
from this experience weeping over the sad lives of debauchery their unsaved
counterparts live, frolicking their lives away on some of the most beautiful
beaches the Lord saw fit to create."
Copyright
2009, LandoverBaptist.Org.
All rights reserved. TOS.
The
Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18 or by
anyone who is Unsaved.
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Males (Beachcombing Soul winners)
Should Bring:
Females (Boardwalk
Patrol/Salvation Service Helpers) Should Bring:
