See the Landover Baptist Home Page by Clicking Here!
March 2009

60 Second Sermons

Christian College Students Across the U.S.A Unite for Spring Break's:
Blood of Christ Splash '09!

National News

Blood of Christ Splash 2009 - Christian Version of Spring BreakDaytona Beach, Florida - Students from Landover Baptist University for the Saved will join thousands of Christian College students at sandy sites of sin, such as glamorous Daytona Beach, during the month of March.  Their purpose? Certainly not to guzzle beer, run around hotel lobbies with their penises bouncing off their kneecaps, unhooking harlot bras, and using alcohol poisoning as a passport into every moist opening the Lord placed on both Adam and Eve. Their plan?  To insinuate salvation into every Spring Break situation, thwarting heavy petting by drunk strangers in sand dunes and ruining every pool party from Myrtle Beach to Galveston. Once hedonistic students have been forced to stop groping and dancing, they will be given a concentrated dose of Scripture, the antidote to any wild time. Instead of chugging beers off of the naked torsos of schoolmates, they will be invited to chug the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Baptist students will be accompanied by over 1800 chaperones, which include Parents, Pastors and Deacons from Landover Baptist, Liberty University, Bob Jones University and other prestigious True Christian™ Colleges across America.  In addition to any personal firearms, each chaperone will be armed with a taser and an electric cattle prod, which will be wielded to punctiliously maintain a strict "5 inches apart" rule for all participants in Spring Break.  Students visiting Daytona Beach will also be there to support brother Ray Comfort's, "Spring Break Banana Peeling Contest ~ I See Jesus in Every Delicious Bite™" Tour.

Christian Students who are studying Marketing or Business will receive one Christian Service credit toward their degree for every 10 souls they lead to Christ. "I have no doubt that some of our students will complete their entire Business Degrees in a single day," says Landover Baptist Pastor, Deacon Fred. Students with other concentrations are joining the league of professional soul winners for the pure pleasure of leading unsaved trash to Christ.  "For students who have been imbedded in Christian environments for most of their lives, this will be the first time they have ever seen an unsaved person, let alone to get close enough to have a chat with one," says Ministry of Christian Virtue director, Pastor Heinric Munt.  "I am certain all these Baptist teenagers will come away from this experience weeping over the sad lives of debauchery their unsaved counterparts live, frolicking their lives away on some of the most beautiful beaches the Lord saw fit to create."

Blood of Christ Splash '09
What to Bring:

Landover Baptist University Students Only:
For Bob Jones, Liberty University, Oral Roberts and other participating True Christian™ Colleges,  please visit your respective web sites or consult your Dean of Missions.

The following items are mandatory and applicable to Landover Baptist University's Daytona Beach Virtue Squad Numbers: 17,24,25,37,50,62

NOTE: Failure of Conformity Regulations - If any of the items listed below are NOT found to be either on your person or in your suitcase, you will be asked to stay inside your squad van for the entirety of this Mission Trip and your parents will be fined $500 to cover Salvation Marketing losses and expenses! Don't try to be a rebel!  That kind of behavior will not be tolerated, and we don't care who your parents are!
For Jones Beach and Wildwood Squads 5 and 7 See Dean Finke. Cancun Squad 41, Miami Beach Squads 11-14, See Dean Hillman.


Pocket sized - King James 1611 Bibles should be obtained from the large kiosk outside Bubba Gump's Shrimp Restaurant if you run out. Or in plastic bins decorated to look as if they are slowly dripping the viscous blood of the Perfect Lamb, which will be placed outside of motels singled out for lewdness. These Bibles are NOT for personal use!  The pocked KJV's are to be given out to sinners ONLY! We expect to unload them ALL and do NOT want to have to take any of them back with us!  Each Bible you do not thrust into the hands of the unsaved will cost your parents an additional $12.79.

Towels will be provided by parental and Pastoral volunteers who will be manning the pink "sin spotting" binocular stand umbrellas positioned at 400-yard intervals along the beach.

Men's ShirtMales (Beachcombing Soul winners) Should Bring:

  1. Yellow permission slip signed by parent or legal guardian
  2. 2 formal church/business suits (go easy on the black ties, lest folks think you are a Mormon trying to sell them a pair of underwear)
  3. 2 pressed pairs of slacks
  4. 4 pressed dress shirts
  5. 4 pairs of black or brown church/business socks
  6. 2 pairs of dress shoes
  7. 10 pairs of boxers or briefs
  8. A modest hat or head covering
  9. Sun Lotion - SPF 100 recommended
  10. 5 dozen assorted Chick Tracts stamped with Landover's church address
  11. 1 Baseball bat or heavy wooden stick
  12. 10 pencils
  13. A journal or notepad
  14. 1 Emergency Engagement Ring
  15. Landover Baptist Tote Bag
  16. $75 laundry money
  17. $250.00 tithe donation for food

Women's ClothingFemales (Boardwalk Patrol/Salvation Service Helpers) Should Bring:

  1. Yellow permission slip signed by parent or legal guardian
  2. 2 formal church/business gowns
  3. 2 modest dresses (hem is not to reach more than two inches above the knees)
  4. 4 modest blouses
  5. 2 packs of Angel Wing Maxi-Pads (no phallic tampons please!)
  6. 5 pairs of white panty hose
  7. 4 pairs of dress shoes with modest 1/2 inch heels
  8. 10 pairs of modest thigh length, opaque panties
  9. A modest hat or Easter style bonnet
  10. Sun Lotion - SPF +150 recommended
  11. Raincoat
  12. Umbrella
  13. 2 pencils
  14. 2 packs of Post-it Notes
  15. Hairspray
  16. Lipstick
  17. Flashlight
  18. Nailclippers
  19. 4 Pairs of Earrings
  20. 2 Devotional Books
  21. Landover Baptist Tote Bag
  22. Pillow (one stuffed animal allowed)
  23. Emergency Slip (filled out!)
  24. $50 laundry money
  25. $150.00 tithe donation for food
  26. Pastor-approved foam "Chastity Ring" to be worn around the waist to keep secular boys at least 2-feet away in all directions


A Word from Landover Baptist Pastor Deacon Fred: 

"The beach is a perfect place to share God's love. Unsaved people are often intoxicated and will listen to just about anything you have to say. And if they don't, you can always leave them with the line - 'you think it's hot here? Well, I hope you enjoy the heat in Hell, because that's exactly where you will be spending eternity if you don't put down that beer bong and listen to what I have to say! I'll be joining our students in Daytona during the second week in March, making myself available to anyone who needs my help outside of Bubba Gump's Shrimp Bar."



To any Christian student who wins over 50 souls in his first day, your name will be entered in a raffle to join Brother Ray Comfort at the Daytona Beach Oceanside Inn Banana Sucking Contest on March 12. You will learn and witness first hand as this master of Evangelical ingenuity politely interrupts a hedonistic tradition and turns it into a classic, 21st Century opportunity to share the Good News of Jesus Christ to an amazed crowd of drunken and future Christian college students. Do NOT miss this Spring Break!


Learn More (National Ministry of Christian Virtue):

"Operation: Sand Or Salvation," formerly: "Take Spring Break Back for Jesus!" coincides with the launch of the American Evangelical "Ministry of Christian Virtue Movement" which allows for squads of authorized Baptist college students who obtain permission from parents or legal guardians to travel together supervised during summertime and spring break. Salvation squads will be strategically positioned along the Eastern and Western shorelines of North America. Squads will interrupt partygoers and vacationers, asking them to take a break from worshipping the false, Sun God, to learn about the Real God™, Jesus Christ.  Armed with proven techniques to trick drunks into accepting Jesus -- and beach blankets and beer funnels emblazoned with threats of Hell -- Salvation Squads will turn up at every frivolous gathering, relentlessly talking about Jesus until even the most orgiastic party turns its vomit-splattered motel pool into a baptism opportunity.  Jesus has guaranteed that the mere mention of His greatness will transform even the rowdiest of parties into the most reverent of prayer circles in less time than it normally takes to remove a bikini top or line a bar with Jell-O shooters. Each Baptist student will arrive with no fewer than 25 waterproof Bibles at ALL TIMES. These Bibles, which quite cleverly look like little, laminated coasters,  will be given to unsaved people who pray to accept Jesus into their hearts and the towels will be thrown over the bodies of females immediately after they pray the prayer of Salvation in the sand.

No Soul Winning Experience Necessary!

"For students who have been imbedded in Christian environments for their entire lives, this will be the first time they have ever seen an unsaved person, let alone to get close enough to have a chat with one," says Ministry of Christian Virtue director, Pastor Henry Myles. "I know that some of our Students heading to Daytona have never shopped outside of a Christian Mall, some only viewed blurred images of half-naked beachgoers from the censored Walt Disney movies they've been allowed to view," says Henry. "So this could be a challenge. Some might never make it out of their church vans, some might not make it out of their hotel rooms. God willing, enough will be led by Christ to put on a suit and tie, or a church gown, grab their chaperone's hand and walk down to the shoreline, or hotel pool to sniff out the Devil's business for the first time. One thing is for certain, these Baptist teenagers will come away from this experience weeping over the sad lives of debauchery their unsaved counterparts live, frolicking their lives away on some of the most beautiful beaches the Lord saw fit to create."







Copyright 2009, LandoverBaptist.Org. All rights reserved. TOS. The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18 or by anyone who is Unsaved.

Click to Visit the Landover Store!

The Official Spring Break "Blood of Christ Splash" 2009 University Student Squad T-Shirt's and More!
Blood of Christ Splash 2009 Official Daytona Spring Break Shirts

As Seen on Network Television: Wear Nasty Bible Verses
Biblical Wisdom Gear!

Colored T-Shirts for Sinners at the Landover Baptist Store
Gear that tells people Jesus is watching them do any number of disgusting things
Jesus is Watching You!

Like the Site?  Buy the Book from the Writers of Landover Baptist!
Get a Copy of Our Book