A Small Sample of Landover Baptist Mail Received December 2005  (unedited and in original form)

This email is in response to you article "HANUKKAH: JEWS CELEBRATING CHRIST'S MURDER".

As a Theologist, I was terribly embarrassed for you while reading this article. All it would take is one google search for you to see that you are terribly mislead. I assume whoever wrote this article is a very uneducated person, who has been brought up with some very skewed and hateful ideas.

I quote, "I now know that ‘Hanukkah' is Hebrew for ‘Death of the Lord.'"

Well that is completely ridiculous actually teach this to children? What saddens me more, is that your religion would have never existed if it wasn't for the Jewish religion; and second of all, Hanukkah translates into the word "dedication". If you (or whoever wrote this) would take the time to do a little studying would know that Hanukkah is solely to remember the time when the Jews won freedom to worship God. The same God you worship. The same God you read about in the New Testament as well as the Old Testament.

The Menorah is not a "Devil's Fork". That's a very uneducated statement. The 8 smaller candle holders represent the 8 days it took to make more oil. Not sure if you know this or not, but before we had electricity, people had to burn oil to make light.
AK

Now I can sleep securely knowing that your dedicated practitioners of the Lords work have fought for my salvation. Especially Pastor Horace Wilkins of Freehold, Iowa, for whacking off his own son under the cover of night so that he can feed the prodigal son's seed to a sinful, minion of evil, the innocent bullfrog. Ahhh! To suffer for science and salvation!

I am equally thankful for Dr. Jonathan Edwards for spelunking in his own mothers love canal for juice to spruce up another evil minion...the housecat. I bet that pussy learned its lesson.

It is great that we sinners have such heroic and concerned role models like Pastor Horace Wilkins of Freehold, Iowa and Dr. Jonathan Edwards to save us. I bet God is proud to have their skills employed by Him. Onward Christian Soldiers!

It appears that these two saviors have more baggage than American Touristor to worry about before trying to help me.

PS. How much did the selfless doctor spend to finger-f*** his mother, kill a cat, report his findings and save the masses? I am glad that the money was well spent and not in a purely wasteful manner like perhaps... feeding poor, hungry, black, hurricane-ravaged, impoverished human beings. George Bush should be proud. I sure hope that our Religious Prestigious President George Bush gets some of the credit that he deserves for this. Sounds right up his alley. Or maybe the alley his brother Neil who takes it up his own alley by Thai hookers whose gender escapes his steel trap, Bush quality, mind.

Sincerely, A Sick Bastard but still in front of you fucks for Heaven. Robert Prislupsky


i am a Christian and have been playing World of Warcraft since beta 2, that now 2 years

i made a commitment to use it as a mission field since i started playing, i do not play anything that uses magic, i play characters or toons as they are known, that use brute strength as my warrior or paladin

there are obvious concerns of the game, but as with anything one needs to weigh Gods conviction with such thing, because allot of it can be construed as occult

i am pleased you looked beyond this and are accepting it as a valid mission field, i personally have led 25+ people to Christ in the game, more so that i would have had the opportunity to outside, i am an elder of my church, i am head of media, i do a weekly radio show at the local christian station, God has blessed me immensley

sometimes we need to do or accept things we deem uncomfortable, my sr. pastor was not too keen on the idea of the game, but i let him watch me for a few hours, and he saw, other than i enjoy the game, that i can and have led souls to christ

Blessings to you

Todd


I was listening to some of your audio clips, and I have a question. One of your clips said that Catholics were Mary-Worshipers. Why did you say that? I know for a fact that we only show her reverence, we do not worship her. You can't argue that Catholics do, beacuse I am one and I know that we don't. I show hre reverence, and that is all.

Second, by one of your clips it said "by the late Georgia Sue Gaines". I take that as meaning she's dead now. Well, I suppose she really knows now who REALY is going to burn in Hell, not that I think she is, hopefully she had a change of heart right before she died.

Thirdly, you and your members are the most disgusting bunch of filth I have ever seen and read about, and I'll have you know that my religion condemns yours. Satan must have really gotten a strong hold on you and your "members" if he was able to trick you idiots into believing what your doing is right. I will pray for you though, I will ask God fervently to help you see the light, and bring your members back to Him. I am sure you believe that you are right and I am wrong, so I hope you figure out that you are wrong before it is too late. Hell is an awful place, and I dearly wish that you and your family never have to even glance into it, that Jesus Christ and his Blessed Mother take your hand and lead you to the Catholic Church.

May you go in the peace of God,

Duo Maxwell


Holy shit everyone working at this site are complete fucking retards.
DIE
DIE
DIE
GO TO HELL
HAIL SATAN
DIE
(Alexander Culligan)

i am a teenage christian from great britain and i am very dissapointed about some of the things on your website, particularly your article on christian rocks stars. Actually i think dissapointed is the wrong word. I am angry, angry that you try to use scripture to trash perfectly decent people like its some kind of glossy gossip magazine. Yes amazingly people in these christian rock bands (like P.O.D. and D.C.talk) Get things wrong. This is because amazingly they are not perfect! Just like everyone else in the world. And jesus very clearly stated in the bible: "let he without sin cast the first stone". Other parts of your article are also very obviously very badly researched. For example, the Phrase "jesus freaks" reffered to by dc talk. You have got it right thinking its a derogative term, but its talking about how as christians we will be ridiculed for our beleifs and in some cases be labeled "jesus freaks" and that we should stand up for what we beleive and be strong in our faith, not a freak to god but a freak to society! As for your comment "It is important to note that as a young colored boy, Mr. Tate has a flat nose and the Bible says that people with flat noses are not allowed to approach God " How dare you claim a man created by god hasnt got the right to be a follower of god! In the words of jesus " Do not judge the faithful, lest you be judged!" i would continue but im afraid ive gotten to angry to continue this with good faith what im saying is of the lord, so i repeat to you two things which you cannot dispute because jesus said them:
Do not judge the faithful, lest you be judged!
let he without sin cast the first stone.
I not so much ask as plead you to reply to this, i want to know some of the deeprer groundings behind your methods!
God bless you, youll be in my prayers
Vince Wood

Well I can only hope that this tripe is a joke what an utter load of excrement. No where in the bible is there anything that is anti Homosexual, however it does endorse slavery and murder, so I suggest you concentrate on what is in the Bible and not what you think is in there.

Mark Richardson


How do you dare to try to fine your members for improper attire when the website for the cruise you offer has an advertisement for a "What Would Jesus Do" THONG !!!! Talk about the most inappropriate of attire.

You should be fined a million dollars to give to a real church. My first impression of your church is money and GREED.


I took a look at some of the email you received in November. What I cannot believe is there is even the remote possibility that real people actually FELL for your site. It clearly says in the Terms of Service that the site is a parody and a complete work of fiction. The bottom of the page where one sends email clearly reads: "This parody is copyright 2000 Americhrist Ltd. All rights reserved."

I also question whether or not the emails you have posted are legit, or fabricated by you.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Let's see if this gets posted for December's email list.

Helen Watts


This website is wrong and i am going to sue you if you do not stop this crap

Virginia VanBreemen


Err... On the XBox 360 Article.

Yeah... Ive never been to youre webpage before I saw a quote from it on YTMND. It was about the nice young lad who took another persons property and threw it across the room and continued to smash it... in an attept of conversion to his faith apparently... obviously never learned about diplomacy but I digress.

How can you complement someone for ripping up someone else's stuff? Correct me if I'm wrong but dose that not qualify as stealing which correct me if I'm wrong is... sacrelige. Further more youre responce give normal Christians a bad name. Those of us that know how to take a joke are best friends with there homosexual neighbors, dont fall down in tears because we slept late on Sundays... and generally are otherwise not completely insane.

Dont get me wrong I think the young lad probably did the other man a favor by breaking a 360 (The PS3 will be sooo much better any way and the 360 might just go faulty and... you know burn youre house down.) But I think the boy paid for his 360 and the other should as such as he had damaged it apparently quite severly should make financal repremands... breaking people's stuff is not a way to perform any proper conversion... neither is talking about performing massicars at the apocolypse...

Do not get me wrong I have no problem with Christianity as I am in fact Christian... but I do have a problem with people that complement people for there violent and agressive behavior because they back it up with religion. That just gives a bad name to the entire faith. As well youre listing the "Faults" of the 360 is simply... for lack of a word... completely insane. The 360 is a gaming system created by Microsoft. It is very popular for its advanced graphics and enjoyable play. It was develouped by a company to whome the CEO is considered the most philianthropic man on Earth, Bill Gates and has single handidly in his own lifetime commited more to charity than any orginization. If it was ment to be a religious device then it would not have been a gaming system it would have been a bible or a cross or some holy relic of some faith Christian or otherwise.

Now on a further note... how do you intend to attract followers and ones who are not entirely nuts by preaching violence hellfire and brimstone... not to mention Christ watching them masturbate. Thats not what the human mind responds to. People respond to decency and importantly answering for youre crimes. I think its important that the faithful especally look unto there own crimes especally the crimes mentioned in there respective faiths. (All of which generally preaches love, kindness, respect for human beings, charity, and other benevolant activities not racisim, violence, or throwing an X-box 360 across the room because you lack a sence of humor and lack the respect of the other person.)

Though I have little doubt you'll see me simply as a fool for writing the message I simply took the time to do so... in the slim hopes that you will notice weather or not done in the name of faith or not what this young man did was sinful and sins commited in the name of faith is by far the worst sin's man can do for it warps and molests the messages of there faiths into something twisted perverted and sadistic.

-Humbly And Courdialy Youre Servant Until Next You Respond

-Sean Paul Steele


Hello, I have any questions about unrealscript. Can't find it anywhere and all the modmakers their websites are allerady closed. Do you know a bit about unreal script? I need to modifie the class xBot to make bots have the same stats as the xPawn (which is working properly now). I also have a problem with projectile weapons. The new blaProj extends RocketProj doesn't work. The RocketProj stats are always being used, not the new default properties.

Fernando Rijpkema


You know the greatest thing is.....That no matter how many sick freaks there are like you.....CHRISTIANS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE AND BE MORE POWERFUL!! We know the truth and will continue to pray for possessed people such as yourself. I'm very sorry for the way your life has turned out for you. You know the only way!!

Shannon Butler


Here I am 42 years old and it still amazes me how stupid the human race is Who the hell do you think you are i just love your judgemental attatude toward the unsaved what about the great commision when Christ told the deciples to go out and spead the word i"ll bet you are the type of people that would kick someone when they are down I hate what you are doing and I will pray for you I just want to know what gives you the right to judge Does the bible not say judge ye not or ye may be judged i feel sorry for you and what you are teaching

David Brown


I am not a Catholic, I am a Methodist. We have pretty much the same beliefs, and I support evangelism more strongly then many people in my church. However, I dont think you should keep Pastor Deacon Fred's sermon about Why do catholics worship Mary on your website. If your goals are true to the word of god, you want to save as many as possible, and if I were a Catholic I would be deeply offended by this article. Catholics are going to be offended, and they will not see the true message; that they are wrong, and thus you are spreading discourd. Also, any non christian reading this article will only be confused by it, because they don't understand why christians are split into catholics and protestants, and why protestants are split into various groups also. If we started getting along with Catholics better maybe they would listen and see that our arguments have merit. If you keep putting Cathlic-hate articles on your website you will only twist the viewers minds into evil.

Nate Nuzum


i have never seen a website so fucked up before. the ideas you present in this website shows that you have no idea what the fuck you are talking about and you have no evidence to prove any of the fucking shit you got on there. Fuck you you fucking hairy assed mother fucker. Get a fucking clue. you put sex and God in the sentence. you think thats funny? your gonna burn in hell you piece of shit. you probably masturbate over pictures of satan you perverted mother fucker. go fuck yourself and the next time you say any shit like this i am gonna come over there and shove your fucked up doctrine up your ass then pull it out and make you eat it!

fuck you very much

concerned atheist - Cubby


I know that you all are not seriously expecting anyone to believe that you are believers in Jesus. As a matter of fact, any body with any sense at all could see that your whole thing is scamming folks for money and bashing the Lord. I am a little surprised that you haven't been arrested yet. I am wondering what is taking so long? No matter what though, I do know that there will come a time when you will regret terribly what you are doing. Either here on this earth or before the Judgment seat of Christ. I was ignorant too at one time and I feel so sorry for you. Such hatred!!! I'm assuming that you must try many different methods just to kill the pain that your heart and soul is obviously feeling. It's sad that you must have been hurt very badly by someone at some time. But this path you have decided to go down will not ease your hurt or give you purpose. To be honest I truly doubt that you will post this on your web site. But I do hope that you will think about what the damage you are doing to others merely for your own entertainment and amusement. It's not worth it.

Greg W.


I am a born-again Christian and am a member of an independent Baptist church in the south. I am disturbed by many of the things I have read on your website.

For example, the God I love and serve would never say:

[from your site]: God will say, "You were more interested in that fat demon who was giving you presents than my Son who was giving you salvation, so you can all rot in Hell for all I care."

My God cares. You appear to be some kind of extremists. Sad.

I would be careful.

Diane M. Ramos


dear sir.

I have to say this is one of the many disgusting sites on the internet. I am not your judge! no the lord is. but isnt this abit far??? I myself find this extremly offensive, I am a bible believing christian.

This web site does represent the heart of Jesus. prehaps in your theology you should apply yourself to "the new covenant" and actualy learn what it is before u take old testament scripture out of context in relationship to the covenant of the time between man and God and directly apply it to the thinking of Jesus.

I understand this website is a joke but there is many confused christians out there ( I myself stumbled upon this site) and this website will not help them in their walk with the lord.

This is an inaccurate display of christianity please rethink this line of web design. its a dangerous line of teaching you have displayed and can mislead those who are honestly seeking God.

thanks for your time

Daniel Johnson


I just wanted to take a quick moment out of my day to let you know that you are scum. Bottom feeders like yourself are the reason our country is heading down the path we are. I love freedom of speech even though slime bags such as yourself are allowed to spew such sewage across the web. You have the right to say what you like, just know that people like me also have the right to bash you and your name. You suck....period. I hope you get a bad rash that can't be cured and that a pack of wild coyotes eat your leg off. You are a slimy puke and I hope that you and your site fail miserably.......loser.

Jonathan Bruce


I always thought that the main purpose on this earth was to spread the word of God. To bring in the unsaved and tell them about Christ. Your church, however, does not belive that. You website says: "The Unsaved are not welcome." I wonder how the Lord feels about that. I then read you movie reviews for The Lords of the Rings. I have come to the conclusion that you, pastor, are the most racist, ignorant, homophobic, anti-semetic, piece of fucking shit I have ever heard of. Fuck you and your followers...you are not christians. You are sadists. Fuck all of you.

Mark Priola


talk about giving good descent Christians a bad name thanks a bunch buddy you will be the one who will burn on the lap of Satan God is Good God is great ask him for forgiveness now before it is to late for the little ones shall learn to come unto him and God will never turn a child away

Dawnaca Mount


So apart from being repressive fuck wittied inbred (which makes you no better than the the iraq's) you are also extremely racists against our african friends the "Negroes" as you call them. I mean what the fuck is wrong with (I ask for the second time!). What the fuck is with the KKK outfits on the link: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/staff/ which you claim to be protection outfits?

I will make sure that you get the justic you deserve you fucking assholes.

Burn in hell with all the black people you have killed you fucking pricks.

Tom Poulton


I would like to let you know that I am disgusted with your attitude to the Lord's teaching, and feel that it is nothing short of blasphemy. Exploiting the followers of Christianity for monetary gain is disgusting and I fear that you will burn in hell.

KIind Regards

Ryan Vidor of England

p.s If you want true salvation its not too late. Jesus can even love the likes of you.

peace


Who the hell are you people! And what the hell is a 'homo handshake', I'm not normally offended by anything really but I find this piece of rubbish dressed up as an article to be a total pile of crap! Bein a gay man myself and knowin gay men I have never, nor ever expect to come across a 'homo handshake' or for that matter fuck the brains out of some brainwashed fanatic that tries to label himself christian. Please be aware that I have bookmarked ur site and I will be keepin watch for any more offensive material and If I find any I will be doin everything in my power to make sure the one responsible is punished.

Your truly,

Dirty Homosexual - Craig Sharp

(I'd rather burn in hell than rub shoulders with people as judgemental as you!)


READ YOUR BIBLE However you are you are about the most uneducated person i have ever had the displeasure of reading. First of all I should tell you I am very well studied in multiple religions and have found all of my answers in the printed works including but not limited to the bible and you are diffenatley one of the seven churches in revelations. The one that God struck down because you are all sinners. Anyone who listens to what you preach WILL be damned to Hell and the eternal lake of fire. I have looked very carefully at the things you have printed on your website and they are mostly lies. Women are in no way shape or form left to be quiet subsurvient followers of their men. Even Jesus took councel of women (Mary Magdeline). He loved his mother and would do anything she asked (turning water into wine was his mother's request). Women give birth to man and woman alike and are not unclean after child birth or God would not put a good "Christian" woman through that.

And furthermore, you are not truely Christian if you believe what is that you speak because if you will remember to be Christian is to be Christ Like and Christ was loving and forgiving to everyone including those who put him on the Cross.

So before you go passing judgement on anyone you really should look in the mirror and I will be watching from the side of Christ as you burn in Hell.

Sincerely yours

a concerned Believer

Darlyne Hatten


Hi Rev. Jones. Have you given your congregation any poisoned koolade lately? I still can't believe this Santa is Satan nonsence. I feel sorry for all of the children in the congregation whose minds you are screwing up. Do them a favor and step down so they can get somebody in there whose brains aren't in their stupid ass.

Merry f...ing XMAS you reject from a school for the retarded.

Bill Misco


Hello,

You are a sick sick person. Babies naturally crawl they don't understand and its morally wrong to sterilize someone because of that. This is the most ignorant stuff i have ever heard! Have you ever considered that you will burn in hell for this? Oh and I have prematural sex and oral sex with my pagan boyfriend, dance all the time, and dont attend church.

Burn in hell you sick Bastard,

Katherine Cooper


I have never, ever, heard or read such sinful trash!!! I cannot believe that any God loving person could ever spread such horrendous, unbelievable teachings. I guess you do not take the Bible seriously, the part where Jesus says Love Thy Neighbor. I am proud to be a Catholic. A church that teaches love not HATE as you do. Satan must be very happy and proud of you and your works.. I shall pray for you and all those souls you are sending into hell for following your hateful ways.

Marie Tundo