December 2000

If you want to spend 2 1/2 hours watching a dirty naked man with an unkempt beard walking around a deserted island, then this movie is for you. This film was made by people who are not Christians to be viewed by other people who are not Christians.

The movie stars Tom Hanks (pictured to the right), who gained notoriety a few years ago for playing a homosexual prison guard in "The Green Mile." The film starts off with Hanks in an airplane on Christmas eve. He is drunk, and is angry with the pilots because they don't believe in Santa Claus. In his anger, he seizes control of the plane and crashes it into the ocean, killing everyone except for him. He spends three days floating on a seat cushion, blaming God and cursing Jesus. This is the only time you will see Tom Hanks sober in the entire film. Eventually, he is washed up on a deserted island. The only item that floats ashore from the plane wreck is a crate of whiskey, which he immediately begins to drink, and a large crate of pornographic material the godless liberal Clinton administration would envy." After viewing the pornographic material he is overcome with demonic lust and takes off all of his clothes and tears them to shreds. He then begins to screech like a monkey and walk around on all fours. Within seconds, he is thrusting his pelvis into the sand and screaming his wife's name. 

A few days pass, and he starts to mumble to himself about getting off "this (unchristian word)'ed up island." It was apparent everyone in the unsaved audience was confused when in a quick flash of ten or twelve scenes, Hanks was eating bamboo leaves and defecating his feces onto a huge pile. It isn't until he starts to smear his feces onto the beach when the camera pans back and we can see that he has written the word "Help." And boy does he need it. Not even Jesus could save this twisted soul.

As the months go by, we are shown countless scenes of graphic masturbation. Early on, Hanks consumes a psychotropic plant and his left hand turns into his wife's head. He treats it as such, in every way imaginable for the rest of the film. We see toward the end, that this is the director's intent. It appears to be the underlying "theme" in this piece of secular garbage. In the end, he gets off the island and is reunited with his wife. He doesn't recognize her at all. In fact, there is a hodge podge scene where he divorces her and tries to legally marry his left hand. He is declared insane, and is flown off in a plane to a mental institution in France. The plane crashes in the ocean and he ends up on the same island.

The last thing we see, is Tom Hanks licking his hand. He moves it down his chest, and his eyes roll back in implied "ecstasy." It then flashes to Hanks in bed next to his wife. She is crying while Tom Hanks is masturbating in his sleep.

This film has been seen and reviewed by Landover Baptist pastors.  Church members are not permitted to see the movie.  Everything you need to know about the film is contained in this review.  You may thank your pastor for providing this Christian service for you.



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