Quiz Answers!

Answers To The "Bible Sex Quiz | Part III"

1.  If you retain the services of a prostitute, but are careless and impregnate her, what should you do for her in return?

Correct Answer: C (Kill the bitch (particularly if you find out she’s a relative).) “And [Judah] turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?…And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt” (Genesis 38:16, 40).

2.  Were sex objects used in Biblical times?

Correct Answer: B (Yes. Women screwed themselves with dildos made out of gold and silver). “Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them” (Ezekiel 16:17).

3.  Do Middle Eastern men have large “external appendages” and great sexual prowess?

Correct Answer: C (Yes. In fact, Egyptians have penises the size of a donkey’s and ejaculations the volume of a horse’s.) “Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses” (Ezekiel 23:19-20).

4.  How can sin (or anything else that irks God) affect your sex life?

Correct Answer: D (God may simply have your neighbor rape your wife.) “Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun” (2 Samuel 12:11).

5.  Are there times when prostitution is acceptable?

CCorrect Answer: A (Yes. When the money raised is used to support needy Christians.) “And it shall come to pass after the end of seventy years, that the Lord will visit Tyre, and she shall turn to her hire, and shall commit fornication with all the kingdoms of the world upon the face of the earth. And her merchandise and her hire shall be holiness to the Lord: it shall not be treasured nor laid up; for her merchandise shall be for them that dwell before the Lord, to eat sufficiently, and for durable clothing” (Isaiah 23:17-18).

6.  Whom does God order sinners to marry?

Correct Answer: D (Whores.) “And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord” (Hosea 1:2).

7.  How does God feel about polygamy?

Correct Answer: D (B and C only.) “If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish” (Exodus 21:10). “And [King Solomon] had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines” (1 Kings 11:3). “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom” (Matthew 25:1). “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

8.  What should you do for your married mistress who bears your child if an angry God decides to kill the baby?

Correct Answer: D (Just knock up your wife and quickly produce another offspring.) “And the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife bare unto David, and it was very sick…And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died…And David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name Solomon: and the Lord loved him” (2 Samuel 12: 15, 17, 24).

9. How does God punish whores (i.e., sexually active women)?

Correct Answer: C (“He pulls up their skirts and exposes their nakedness, thereby increasing their whoredom.) “Therefore will I discover thy skirts upon thy face, that thy shame may appear. I have seen thine adulteries, and thy neighings, the lewdness of thy whoredom, and thine abominations on the hills in the fields” (Jeremiah 13:26-27).

10. Before the days of notary publics, how did a man swear to a statement?

Correct Answer: D (They simply grabbed another man’s genitals.) “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canannites, among whom I dwell…And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter” (Genesis 24:2-3, 9). “And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt” (Genesis 47:29).

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