March 2000

Pastor Expelled For Praying to Moses!

"I don't care if it's Moses, your grandma, George Washington, or Mary! There will be no praying at this church to anyone other than God Almighty in Jesus' name!" Pastor Smith was adamant in addressing  concerns over the recent expulsion of Rev. Wilkins. He spoke to a special committee of Gold tithers who were called in to hear the details of Rev. Wilkins' dismissal.

"Rev. Wilkins was a dear friend of mine," Pastor Smith noted. "His Christian sweat was poured into building this Godly church! He helped turn an abandoned moonshine shack into the most powerful Fundamentalist Baptist Church the world has ever known! I'll never deny that.  But when a man of God, a Fundamentalist Baptist, starts to thank Moses for saving his soul, starts praying to Moses... asking 'sweet Moses on the mountain' to forgive him his sins... It is outright blasphemy!  I don't care if he's 92 years old!  I don't care if secular doctors have diagnosed him with a fancy disease called 'Alzheimer's'. If you ask me, it's demon possession! And we will not allow a demon-possessed man to stand behind the pulpit and preach a sermon, when God only knows what will be coming out of his mouth!" Rev. Smith then played a "song" that Rev. Wilkins had recorded to honor Moses. He wanted the committee to hear the evidence. That evidence, in song, is available by clicking here

Pastor Smith continued for nearly an hour, addressing other concerns on the subject of prayer, and fielding questions from the select audience of  Gold tithers. "There ain't nothin' funny about prayer," he continued. "Some parents think it harmless when a child prays to a dead granny, or a lost sibling.  Some parents think it's cute when a child prays to a dead dog! I'm here to tell you there ain't nothin' cute about it! There ain't nothin' cute when you know that prayer could bounce off a cloud and hit a demon in the head! That demon will go berserk! Mark my words... you don't want no maniacal demon made rabid by a misguided prayer.  Demons are already nuts! Bouncin' prayers to grandma off their heads will only set 'em off into an agitated state.  They will channel the source of that prayer and hone in! Before you know it, everyone in your house is possessed! Possessed by a demon that YOU distracted! I believe this is how Rev. Wilkins became possessed with the demon, "Alzheimer." Why it even sounds like a demon's name! Only a fool would think different."

Coffee and pickled watermelon rinds were served after the special committee meeting. Landover Pastors are expected to bring the rest of the congregation up to speed on the committee findings at all 27 services this Sunday morning.





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