NASA officials have unveiled their plan to put a cross on the moon by 2004. "This is an almost three billion dollar 'Thank you note' to our Almighty God and Savior Jesus Christ for watching over the missions of this agency for over 40 years," noted Mr. Scopes Goodall, Chief Administrator for the Moon 2004 mission. "Starting with Gordo the ape on Jupiter AM-13 in 1958, through the current space shuttle flights, NASA has taken part in the only actual evolution from monkeys to man that has ever really occurred on this planet. We just thought it was time that we thanked this Christian Nation, for it has showed nothing but support for our work here. Without the financial support of this Christian Country, we wouldn't have had the resources for any of the missions, much less a needed visit a visit to the moon in 2004." He also added, "It helps that 10 out of our 12 board members here at NASA are Bible believing, born-again, fundamentalist Baptists."
Mr. Jerry Vanderblossom, NASA’s top Creation Scientist added: “I think this is an appropriate way to pay homage to the Creator of all things. All our propulsion and trajectory calculations are worthless without Christ’s blessings. That was made clear with our missions to Mars. We used billions of dollars worth of computers and equipment to send exploratory spacecraft to Mars, but they never made it. And there can only be one logical explanation for their failure – Jesus. Our scientists are now convinced that the Messiah lives on Mars and simply did not wish for us to intrude on His Personal space. We will, of course, respect His wishes and we have scrapped all plans to return to that particular planet.”
A public spokesman for the Agency mentioned that once in place, the
cross will be visible on clear nights in the Northern Hemisphere during three-quarter
to full moon lunar cycles every month. “When the sun catches those platinum
cross beams, it should be a dazzling site,” said Mr. Vanderblossom, shaking
his head in wonder. “Even unsaved people will not be able to escape
the presence of Jesus.” At the end of each of the top three extremities
of the cross, NASA has plans to place American flags, each almost the size
of a football field on Earth. “If other countries wish to show their
devotion to the Creator, they are certainly free to do so,” says a NASA
spokesperson, “but this cross is being paid for by American tax dollars
and it is only fair that this country get the credit for it.” United States
citizens will be asked to donate one ounce of gold or platinum per household
in the next year. The items will be melted down to create the largest cross
in the world. Americans will be able to behold its glory for one year,
after which it will be transported by shuttle to the moon.
The cross on the moon by 2004 is an event for all Christians. NASA officials informed the press that the entire mission will be available "live" 24 hours a day until its final completion on pay-per-view. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church remarked, "When Jesus comes back, we are almost certain that he will pass by the moon on his way to Earth. There, he will see his cross of Glory... and beside it an indicator, The American Flag. There will be no question as to where he will set up his new Kingdom on Earth after seeing that."
What's next for NASA and the Christian Nation that funds it? Sources say that if enough money is raised by 2005, there will be another project. A massive effort to shift the rock formations on the Moon's surface to replace the face of the "Man in the Moon" with the face of Jesus. A Christian Astronaut comments, "We think it will make folks a lot less likely to sin at night if they can see Jesus watching what they are doing."
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