November 1999

The Christian Man's Y2K Survival Kit [LE]

Liberal, four eyed sissies are responsible for making the Y2K crisis possible in the first place. They created the computer, and now we are all about to reap the devil's harvest. If they had been out on the football field instead of home masturbating over their Algebra books, none of this would be happening.  It is a shame that good Christians everywhere have to be put in a position where they must take something like this seriously. We acknowledge that it is a devil run world, and the queer, puffy palmed, sappy, near sighted servants of Satan created the computers we are using. They know the prince of Darkness best, because he lives inside of their heads and tells them all what to do.

As a precaution to impending doom, we've gone ahead and put together a reasonably priced Y2K Fundamentalist Baptist Christian survival kit. Each kit includes:

  • 12 Dress shirts by Vito Rufolo (size on order)
  • 12 Genuine Faux Silk Ties
  • 12 Pair of wool tropicals, crepes, gabardines and flannel slacks (size on order)
  • 8  100% Wool Italian Suits by Givenchy (size on order)
  • 20 cans of shaving cream
  • 1 double-edged razor blade
  • 2 unbreakable space-age plastic combs
  • A battery powered hairdryer
  • A King James 1611 Bible (Landover 100% Red Letter Edition, leatherette cover, add $50.00 for faux leatherette)
  • A cassette player, with tapes of “The Best of Landover Baptist Sermons, 1923-1999, From 1923 to The End of The World”
  • 25 rolls of Peppermint Lifesavers
  • 2,000 Chick Tracts, assorted (add $2500 for tract firing device)
  • 14 Baptist Hymnals, with special plastic covers (waterproof available, add $5.00 per hymnal)
  • A Glock semi-automatic handgun, fully loaded with 50 extra clips (add $350 for pearl handle, or $500 for special “homo-neutralizer” edition, with chemically reproduced pheromones for attracting deviants)
  • 90 days worth of delicious freeze-dried food, easy for a Godly woman to prepare with a minimum of  space and fuel (the Lord will provide, sisters)
Satisfaction guaranteed! If you do not receive everything in your packet, half of your money will be returned, no questions asked. This is everything a God fearing Landover Baptist Church member would need to survive a global crisis. *We are making it available to the public for $15,000. Rush orders are accepted. Hurry! If phone lines are busy, keep trying! Supplies are running out quickly, we have already received 500,000 + orders from churches and individuals across this Christian Nation! If your order is received by Dec 1st, we will include an apron and skillet for your wife, at no extra cost! 
*This offer is void in Canada, Vatican City, Sin Francisco, Mexico, Porto Ricky Martin, Japan, Chiney, the dark country of Scotland, and any other country, town or city that is not ruled by God-fearing Christians, except Israel, cause we have to support them because they are key to the end of the world, which we also support as long as it’s God doing it and not the Godless commies and their evil bombs which were made from our stolen technology.



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