December 2007

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Proof of Intelligent Design is Right Between Your Legs!


Freehold, Iowa - "I began the Fall semester by asking students to come to the front of the classroom and have themselves a good long look at my penis," Creation Scientist, Dr. Henry Anderson told church members on Sunday. "'This here piece of manly flesh is fearfully and wonderfully made by Jesus' Daddy,' I told them. I flopped it out on my desk every morning so they could study it better and learn themselves a good darn argument about Intelligent Design."

"Teaching techniques that were once limited to homeschooling are now making their way into our Christian classrooms," Pastor Deacon Fred happily related to board members at Landover Baptist Christian Academy for the Saved. "Sometimes there is no better way of demonstrating the facts of Creation Science than by having our young people become familiar with the intricacies of their Baptist human anatomy."

Professor Rev. Dr. Henry Anderson began each of his fall semester classes by carefully displaying his penis to students. "I told them not to raise concern if it seemed to move or appear hardened, but rather to concentrate on each magnificent Godly inch, and to memorize its precious shape," he said. "I then challenged the students to explain to me any way this ding-dong perfect thing could just be evolved by chance." Dr. Anderson noted that human penises were created by God's hands and were intelligently designed with just as much care as the stars in Heaven. 

Students learned, through a careful study of Professor Anderson's penis that it was created by God for two specific purposes. "The first purpose," Dr. Anderson relates, "is urination - and I demonstrated this each day by sending a yellow stream into the tin waste basket by my desk. Some days, we moved the waste basket out a bit further so I could show how the Lord had additionally blessed me with powerful and wondrous aim. To God be the Glory!"

"The second purpose of the human penis," Dr. Anderson related, "is to procreate." The Professor did not demonstrate this in front of his class, due to Biblical restrictions, but after help from his assistant, Timothy Huxton, he was on several occasions able to show students 'different stuff' that came out of his penis besides urine. 

"God bless Kirk Cameron and The Way of the Master for showing us how the banana was intelligently designed," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "But that makes the Lord look like a simpleton. The human penis is far more complicated than a banana! And pretty darn fancy, I might add! Why, the Lord even reminds men they are to get married every time they look down at that meddlesome pink ring around the tip of their tallywacker! If that ain't proof of Intelligent Design, I don't know what is! Glory! 






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