|God's New Weapon of Mass Destruction: SARS
Sermon by Brother Harry
It used to be called the Land of the Rising Sun.
But now the sun is finally setting on that wasteland and its
inhabitants. They can eat all the
raw fish and rice they want, but it won’t increase their lifespan, which can
now be measured in months rather than years.
They can keep reproducing faster than rabbits eating kung pao lettuce,
but their population will finally decline.
All their proficiency in mathematics, science, running a liquor store
and every other white subject they co-opted will do them little good when the
Lord comes a’knocking. God is
fed up with Buddhism, Hinduism, Transcendentalism, Dalai Lamaism,
Environmentalism, Falun Gongism, Communism and every other ism, all of which
translate into Satanism. By the
time the Father is done, they’ll be coughing up raw egg and spitting seaweed
through their noses moments before saying sianara to their godless lives
I am, of course, referring to SARS, which means Sino-sinners Are Righteously Slaughtered. Or, as those science-loving geeks at the CDC like to call it, “severe acute respiratory syndrome.” How appropriate they gave it a name that sounds so much like the last viral infection God used to punish humans for acting more like David and King Solomon than his ever-celibate Son. We may have become sophisticated enough to repel God’s traditional methods of slaughter, using pesticides against His locusts, reinforced concrete against His earthquakes and French chefs against His frogs. But we are helpless against His viruses. We cured leprosy only to have Him introduce the bubonic plague, then polio, then smallpox and finally the dreaded “A-word” that I don’t even care to repeat. The last one is wiping out entire cultures of godless heathens in Satanic third world nations because, as all American Christians know, the Lord would rather they wither away in excruciating agony than put on that symbol of secular debauchery, a Latex condom.
happy to say, friends, that the Old God is back. The God of the Old Testament is replacing the more
lackadaisical, fey God of the newer book.
God used to wipe out entire races of people without warning, burning
whole towns of perverts, killing off an entire nation of first-borns.
Even drowning every breathing human on land, born or unborn.
But the more contemporary God has been somewhat timid, allowing the
occasional holocaust, but mainly sitting back and watching our folly with
amusement. But no more. God is finally striking back, signaling the End Times will
soon be upon us. Devout
Brothers-in-Christ, Falwell and Robertson had the guts to admit God struck
down the World Trade Center and 3,000 of its inhabitants to punish America for
being overrun with homos
and feminazis. This church
was the first to report that God struck down the shuttles Challenger and
Columbia to keep Jews from trying
to invade His turf. And now God has created yet another debilitating virus
to show his disapproval of all those people living on the wrong side
of the world. Friends,
remember when we were kids and told our daddies that we were digging a hole to
China in the back yard? Mine
always warned me that I would have to go through Hell to get to China.
Well, after the Lord gets through with those opium-freaks, you won't be
able to tell the difference!
used to call them Orientals, until one of those Focus on the Family focus
groups told me that wasn’t “politically correct” any more.
As a Man of God, the last thing I ever want to do is offend anyone, no
matter how depraved, disgusting and devoid of merit they may be.
So I now just refer to them as “Nese.”
By “Nese” I mean all of them – Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese,
Vietnamese, Koreanese – the whole kit-and-kaboodle.
The Nese invented virtually
every pagan religion that has ever existed.
They worship cows, chickens and just about any animal that has ever
graced a barnyard, except the Lamb because we had already called that one.
They pray to obese, bald men with feet where their hands should be and
a belly where a shirt should be. They
worship everyone except the Right One. It
was only a matter of time before our jealous, vengeful, wrathful God could
stand the lack of attention no longer and struck back with impunity.
not like they haven’t been warned. God
has saddled them with numerous deficits over the generations, to no avail.
When it became clear they would multiply like cockroaches, He struck
them with midgetitis so they’d take up less space.
And He ensured that all body parts of the males were proportionate to
that height to deter the multiplication, if you get my drift.
He hit them all with jaundice to discourage the rampant sexuality and
to make sure you could pick them out in a crowd.
After that Tower of Babel incident, He gave them the most difficult and
annoying of the diverse languages, for which it takes an artist two or three
hours just to draw a single letter of the alphabet. No matter what the Lord did to show how much He disliked
them, they ignored it all, just squinting their eyes at the Lord in reply.
And, frankly, the Lord finds them just as inscrutable as we do because
even though He can read their thoughts, it's all in Chinese, which makes no
sense to anyone. So, the Lord really didn't know what to do with these paddy
critters. Well, no more.
last time God used a virus to strike down the depraved, He was a bit careless
and made the virus too easy to acquire. The
collateral damage was great, with devout, masculine Christians getting it,
like Rock Hudson and Gomer Pyle. This
time around is different. It was
inevitable the virus would initially spread rapidly since the Nese like
nothing more than to travel and take photographs. (Frankly,
I don't know how they have time to travel because if they sat down to watch
all the video they've taken, they'd never leave their little rice paper
shack.) But the virus is now contained in cities like Toronto, a liberal city
that welcomes folks no matter how Chinese, where there are at least a few
saved Christians, at last count. Nevertheless,
we must not let down our guard. Our
Godly President has shown a penchant for keeping undesirable races out of this
country (and killing them in their own) and, when they get in anyway,
indefinitely detaining them on the ground they might have some nebulous
connection to someone who might know something about someone who once met
someone who may have once walked by a terrorist’s house.
He must show the same vigilance now.
New Presidential Criteria for Exclusion of Foreigners
entry shall be permitted of any foreigner who exhibits any of the following
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