January 2009

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How Comes The Obama Gets To Be A Presidents?

Dear Pastor,

How Comes The Obama Gets to Be President?The other day after family prayerings in our living room, Pa turned on the TV as usual and we started in on watching the Mr. Hannity's Show.  Mr. Hannity was talking about our Lord Jesus as usuals and then brought him up a picture of the gang city rapper he called, "Obama." Pa turned as red as an Injun's butt and threw the Bible right in the TV!  He turn it off and says we needed to pray again. "Why Pa?  Why?" I says.  And Pa turns up in me any says, "That THING is going to be the Presidents of these here United States!" So Pastor, How comes the Obama Gets to be a Presidents?

Johnny Eastfall
Age 27
Landover Baptist Rural Institute for the Continuing Education of Home Schoolers


Dear Johnny,

Don't feel like you are alone with this question. You are a sweet Christian child and you must know that millions of Real Americans™ are asking the same thing. And your Pa ain't alone in his anger and rage.  The answer about why the Obama was electated is that we are living in the last days, Johnny.  The Lord Jesus is gonna be hot-footin' back to Earth within the next four years to torture and kill everyone who doesn't love Him. Praise His Holy Name!

Obama and Jesus Johnny, the word, "Obama" in ancient Baptist Hebrewish is pronounced, "Aboma." Your Pa knows that. Jesus warned us about "the Obama-nation" or as Republicans and Christians like us have come to call it, "the Abomination" in Matthew 24:15-16:

"When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation (The Obama), spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place (The White House) - Then let them which be in Judaea (Washington, DC) flee into the mountains (Freehold, Iowa)."

So my boy, you needn't worry about why sinners flippantly cast their votes and souls into the Lake of Fire. Some of those folks just did it cause they felt sorry for Negroes. The good Lord cast folks' lot in life for a reason, and your Pa is angered because he thinks them coloreds is getting uppity. God's fiendish final solution for baby-killers, homo-lovers, liberals, and everyone who doesn't belong to this church was put in play long before any of us drew our first breath. A-men? 

Johnny, you just need to sit tight. Keep praying like you do, honor your pa and keep at watching Mr. Hannity. He'll tell you what's what and what's for, just leave the rest to the Lord and trust in Jesus. 

I do think it is time you let your parents and school chums know they should keep their barn doors open for visitors. Folks will be leaving the big cities real soon, searching for a vestige of hope and faith here in Freehold, Iowa. For you see, the Obama will begin making decisions on day one about the economy, war, foreign affairs and more. These so-called, "conscious decisions" which will act as little ticking time-bombs put in place to slowly erode America's place in the world and ruin every aspect of American life as we know it today.  But you are too young to understand the adult Republican mind, boy.  Just keep reading the Bible, and you'll understand it all when you're old and smart enough.  

In Jesus' Name,


Pastor Deacon Fred


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