March 2007

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Letters To Landover: Pastor's Mailbag

MARCH 2007
A Small Sample of e-mails unedited and in original form

As a professor of English literature and a sometime-anthropologist, I can only react in disbelief to your tirade against one of the finest literary works of our generation.

To find something sullied and perverted in the story of The Ring denotes a truly sick mind, indeed, and one crying out for counseling at the quickest possible opportunity.

For over 2,000 years, the so-called evangelical Christian movement has made it a crusade to turn sexuality into dirt, into filth, for reasons only someone equally perverted could fathom. Why it is that the act of procreation has come to be deemed unholy, filthy, and best not talked about is, to me, not only a conundrum but an opaque, indiscernible mystery. Have you people nothing better to do? The act of believing in a deity who proscribes that which is essential to the continuation of the species is not only without logic, it is without reason or meaning.

There are causes and issues in this world in abundance which far outweigh in importance and pragmatic necessity the issue that we should be ashamed and, nay, shun, our own species-continuing practice; and, what's worse, even, perhaps, take pleasure in them.

You will find 'evil' in everything you dislike, and you will find verses in the Bible to 'support' you. Would that this kind of 'diligence' was devoted to actually supporting, sustaining, and helping the race of which you are a part.

Rich Albeen

RE: How to Spot Atheists

there are better things in life then to go after someone that doesn't believe what you believe in. You guys should just lock yourself up in a church. I can't believe people as yourself and your whole entity exist in this world. I am so happy i don't live in the USA, and i am so happy i have never come across someone with this type of attitude. I can't believe someone would waste their time on earth to write an article such as this. If you want to be helpful to your precious world then go plant a tree or something, don't discriminate other people for what they believe or don't believe in. I do believe in God but probably not as much as the person next to me, evolution is fact and God is in a fairy tale. HAVE A NICE LIFE

Alec Farra

Most ridiculous site I've ever seen, I hope you burn in hell for being such a ridiculously terrible christian you stupid racist, ignorant faggots. Get off the internet and go rape some little boys at your church.

Grant Ashman

To the Owners/Operators of the Landover Baptist (Parody) Website,

I'm sure you've heard this before, but it probably bears repeating.

Please, for your own sake, stop mocking God and His people. The famous, John Lennon, and Anna Nicole Smith (just to name 2) and many other not so famous, have done so at their own peril. Please don't be included with these unfortunate people.

"Mock" verb: ridicule, deride, insult, jeer, laugh at, parody, scoff, scorn, show contempt, sneer, taunt.

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked, for what ever a man sows, so shall he reap." Galatians 6:7

April Cobb

Your views of woman are evil and unbiblical, I am a man and I love woman. I would consider one nice woman to have more value in god's eyes than all you faggots. I hope and prey that you all have your evil asses thrown into hell forever while the woman in heaven laugh at you. FUCK YOUR CHURCH.

Kimberly Raycraft


Just a short note to thank you for exposing "American Idol" as the unholy affair it truly is.I'm as right wing as Canadians are allowed to be and as Christian as a first born sacrifice!They tried it here too but , due to typically low production values , no one is influenced by "Canadian Idol" anyway. God bless you all!!

Tim Banks

Why would you let this 'betty bowers' advertise on your site? How un-Christ-like...God Bless you:)

RR Farone Sr.

Dear Folks: I have read you information and various articles with great interest. I find that I have never heard of such a misinformed, ignorant bunch of MORONS in my life.

God is love and just maybe you folks should find this love for all mankind.

Rev. John Sullivan

I.. well I was just hoping you could explain the need for a cigar in that little diagram, also please.. this has to be a spoof site right? i mean.. jesus monkey-humping christ sitting in a tree full of bigotballs!!

There is so much to be offended by in that article, if it IS real which i both think and hope it isn't, that i am surprised you haven't been either assasinated or sued. also.. "home for wayward girls and pastor's comfort centre" with the subtext of your article thusfar this has to just be comedy.

I would really like to hear your comments on the fact that abstinence only areas have the highest STD and teen-pregnancy rates in the country.. Guess it must be working eh?

I believe everyone is judged by what they themselves believed.. and if you beleive all this shit, then buddy you are gonna BURN hahahahahaha. You know or we all just rot in the ground....

also a great big laffo for your little email disclaimer, basically "anything you write may/will be turned against you and perverted for our good" this shit has to be the best comedy site ever made.. if slightly obvious with its over extreme-ism

Lint Fist

Dear Pastor of the landover baptist church

I'm a proud catholic and i will pray for you and your false teachings. I will ask mother Mary to pray to her son to forgive you as well. Jesus loves his mother and listens to her as He DID in the wedding of cana even though it was not his time for him to perform miracles. Don't your fellow parishioners maybe ask you to pray for them if so your guilty of being an idol to them according to your teachings.

Jesus came to earth to show us to love one another yes Pastor "love" what a concept and to accept one another he came for the sinners to be saved. I will not argue with you anymore i will just pray for you and pray no one disrespects your mother as well you wouldn't like that now would you.

"Upon this rock i will build MY Church" Jesus Christ to Peter

"I dont like his church i will build my own" Martin Luther and the protestant reformation

Jesus Loves you.


PS the Pope is in Heaven praying for you too along with all the angels and Saints.

You may call me a "bead counting" Catholic. We DO NOT worship the Virgin Mary we venerate her, we ask her to help us through Jesus Christ. The Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass (the Eucharist) is the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:27-32 1 John Chapter 6 and much more!! You may think that Catholics re-sacrifice Jesus at the Mass the Church through God , makes the One sacrifice ever present everyday in the Mass. I highly doubt that Almighty God would leave His church in error for over 2,000 years(Mt 16:18) . It is unfortunate that there are so many conflicting protestant denominations each using sola scriptura interpreting the Bible how you seem fit, you hear what you want to hear and and see and not to see. In the original language of the Gospel of John chapter 6 describes eating Jesus' Flesh and drinking His Blood in a very literal sense. I'll pray for you :)

I am horrified at your response to that child about his dog. Even if you believe that dogs do not go to heaven was it necessary to tell him that he is going to hell. Jesus would not want you to be so cruel to a small child. Where is your faith and your understanding of a loving Savior. I am amazed that you can call yourself Christian. I'd be more inclined to think you are a devil worshiper in minister's clothing.

Susan Bannon

I just found your web site and I have never seen anything like this abomination in my life! How can you fiends tell that young boy that his poor Mongoloid sister will burn in Hell? You also say that God burns babys and Catholics in Hell. I just don't see how any God fearing Christian could come up with that kind of nonsense. God loves babys and Mongoloids as much as he loves you- probably more. I don't think you should be putting lies like this where people can see them. I pledge to do everything in my power to put a stop to this. I am going to write my congressman, who is a Republican, and let him know what you people are up to. Don't be surprised if the police come knocking on your door. I am sure they have laws in Iowa against this sort of thing. Don't say you weren't warned.

Howard Eugene Worley

I have a few questions about your religion and your website.

First, why do you charge people to come to your church? I mean I understand that you have to pay your bills, but $75 per person, that is almost as much as some motel rooms a night.

Second, why do you prohibit skipping and dancing? This bothered me a little as I see no harm in dancing or skipping.

I would also like to comment that in your site it states that women are to be submissive to men, I find this a little outdated as if you look around the real world and not christian fantasy land, you will see women having careers such as doctors and lawyers to veterinarians and professional athletes.

I don't really understand all of this, I also don't understand some of your fines for violations of your rules, I can understand fining people but $200 and more just does not make sense to me. I would also like to know what the women if your religion are allowed to participate in.

I do not mean to offend you too much, I am also not interested in becoming part of your religion as I have my own beliefs in God and Jesus, but I also cannot help but see some of the scientific parts of the creation of man. I believe in evolution, but I am not a scientologist (sorry if I got that wrong) I really don't know what I believe in what religion I am, but I know what I believe. My mother is a non practicing catholic and my father is a non practicing Baptist. They left it up to us on what religion we want to be. My sister decided on Buddhism after a year of research and considering what my parents came from, I think that they did rather well on religion. My grandfather is an atheist, and his wife, before she died was a devout catholic. My other grandparents were both baptist and even after my grandmothers death on my fathers side, my grandfather still goes to church as much as he can. Once again, I am sorry if I offended you, as I can get passionate about my beliefs sometimes, and I am sorry if I rambled a little, but that is what I do.

Thanks Much,


Homosexual handshake??? You have to be kidding right? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? I've heard of close minded, irrational bigots, but have never truly seen a church actively teaching it's members such stupidity.

Jake Jason

This is a response to the sermon entitled, "Why do Catholics Worship Mary," by Pastor Deacon Fred.

"Pastor" Fred, have you forgot the universal, golden rule of loving thy neighbor? Obviously you have when you say such landish things against Catholics. I am not only outraged, I see complete ignorance in your arguement. I may be a "young" Catholic but I have plenty to say on your slanderous lies. So apparently Catholics are "hell bound" because they wish to pay their respect and gratitude towards the one woman that God chose to conceive his son? SHAME ON US!

The fact that you mentioned that Catholic priests "like to play with little boys' penises" is absolutely insane. What a stereotype. Do you happen to know how many Baptists that are out there that get charged with molesting minors? I didn't think that you would take the time to look into this. Sure a few instances have been brought to the media's attention and have been completely blown out of proportion. A few priests out of hundreds and thousands were dishonest, so that makes all priests dishonest and Catholics a group that wishes to molest young children? This, "Pastor" Fred is what we like to call a fallacy or shall I say, an "inaccurate assumption."

Then you go on to brainwash your listeners into believing that Catholics do not know enough about their religion and we just "count beads and recite a few prayers." This, too, is complete rubbish. I have been schooled in the Catholic ways since I was four years old, that's right "Pastor" Fred, four years old. I go to church regularly and spend time at home praying, helping the community, and taking part in various church organizations. Perhaps you have failed to look at the actual number of Baptists that do not know any more of their religion than that they are "supposed to go to church." Do you know what you are, a close minded individual who sees everyone else as less than himself. Perhaps you are angered because there are more Catholics world-wide? Perhaps it's because Catholics do not sit there and hate on others? You are both hate-filled and a liar. I doubt anything I have said has mattered one minute to you because you are so stubborn and ignorant.


A devoted Catholic

Kara D.

Dear Mr. Hardwick, 

Im writing you in response to an article I read online titles Vegans:Modern Day Witches. I wasnt really sure what to think after first reading it. I guess I feel mostly pity for you and others like yourself who follow so blindly to a wonderful and beautiful fatih, a faith that must be constantly questioned however. But it's close-minded morons like yourself who are tearing it apart with hatred. This "dominion" that Jesus gave us over non-human animals was never meant to involve such inhumane cruelty. And if you dont believe me wake up to reality, sir. Factory farms that involve practices such as debeaking the beaks off of chicken with a scolding blade involving no anesthesia, dumping the male chicks into dumpsters since they are of no use, leaving cows to rot in cramped trucks on the way to slaughterhouse and then still using them for your tasty cheeseburger, these practices only promote the most gruesome form of cruelty not only to non-human animals but to LIFE!! To have su ch an ignorant disregard for life is something that Jesus never preached. And the treatment that factory farm workers face is a whole other story of cruelty. But i guess I forgot about the part in the Bible where Jesus taught us to support capitalism and exploitation of human beings. And these "witches" that you speak of only makes me laugh but unfortanately only briefly because I still know that theres people out there like you with such a blind disregard for life and the beauty it can offer you if you just woke up. And your grandchildren where do you think theyll be in 50 years if humanity continues our destructive trend of destroying the land for more and more livestock production. But I suppose Jesus will perform one of his miracles and we'll wake up one morning with another continent or 2 to destroy. WAKE UP please our natural resources are not infinite! Who knows you may be a wonderful man but judging from this artcicle I believe you are an uneducated and ignorant human being. Although you could be a witch...hmm... Wishing you a bright and beautiful sunny day without the realities of life disturbing your pleasant evening steak dinner,

Kevin Carey



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