March 2007

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Do Retardeds Go to Heaven?
Listen to Pastor's Bible Based Message About the Fate of Retarded Folks

Dear Pastor, 

My older sister, Becky, is a retarded. She is 12-years old and she has been hooked up to a mashine in her bedroom since she was too years old. She can't talk none except for moans and grunts and she's blind and her face is squished up like a pancake. My dad says she's a moongloid, and that I shouldn't call her a retarded. But all my friends who I charge 25 cents to  peek in her window say she is definitely a retarded. My parents read the Bible to her while they feed her with a tube. Sometimes she spits up stuff onto my mom and dad, and me - and once she threw up on the Bible. My dad says she has a demon in her that makes her that way, but the doctor said it is because my mom was 53-years old when she had her, and God donít like for old hags to have no sex. Do retardeds like my sister, Becky, go to heaven?

Benjaman Goodman 
Age  9

Dear Benny, 

The Bible is pretty clear about who gets to spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven, and who gets to roast eternally with Satan in Hell. I'm afraid I can only speculate that since God tells us in the book of Jeremiah 1:5 that He knows us before He even forms us in the womb, that your sister, Becky, must have really done something to tick off the Lord before she was born. As I always say, it is not for us to question how the Lord gets his kicks, but basically, unless your retarded, deaf, dumb and blind sister finds some way of understanding that Jesus died for her sins, and she miraculously finds the cognitive ability to accept Him as her personal savior, she is going to roast in Hell along with all the Catholics, child molesters, fornicators and mass murderers, not to mention the aborted and miscarried fetuses, who were also never able to comprehend Jesus and must therefore be tortured for eternity.

I'm very sorry, Benny, but its the Lord's will. If it makes you feel any better, your sister isn't alone. Just read Brother Harry's sermon, "Chances Are, You and your Family Will Wind up in Hell," if you need some comfort.

-Pastor Deacon Fred




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