January 2008

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Letters To Landover: Pastor's Mailbag

A Small Sample of e-mails unedited and in original form

What the fuck is wrong with you, fuckheads?!? Don't you whoresons have anything better to do than mock other peoples religions? Wow, you guys must have a boring life.

You guys suck monkey's cock. I hope that somebody would kill you all!

I wish that you die slow and painful death, and i really hope that you guys are going to burn in hell you fucktards.

Be happy that i don't know where you suckers live!


PS: Did you guys get raped by a dog again? That would explain alot. Fuck you!

PPS: I would really enjoy torturing you guys to death, you whores!

Just one more thing, you cocksucking, piss drinking, corpse raping, born-from-fat-nigger-whore dickwads:

You guys can mock my religion all you want (because you're bunch of sad retards), i know i can't do anything about it, but at the Judgement Day, you guys are gonna wish that you were never, EVER, born!

So go ahead you dimwits, mock my Lord if you want, but you're going to burn in Hell, just remember that. So when you're burning in Hell, you can't say that i didn't warned you.

Farewell, you horseraping corpseginas!

Btw, would you fuckers do me a favor and slit your throats?

Fuck you

Mikael Pedersen

Dear Landover Baptist, Can I join this church?

Nice try queer, fuckin Yom...lotta love in your heart. Bet you jump up and down everytime some Palestinian child gets squashed by an Israeli tank. You're an asshole


THIS IS DIGUST CORRUPT AND PATHETIC AS IT GETS. you and whoever made this evil demonic website are going to hell. THIS IS A DISGRACE TO CHRISTIANITY. it is racist disgusting and perverted. I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT THIS WORK OF THE DEviL IS STOPPED! and pray for the poor souls that actually believe this complete and utter load of crap! GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND MAY THE TRUTH PREVAIL! u guys disgust me this is the most perverted, racist, corrupt church i have heard of. what you say is complete crap; you take the bible and twist it horribly. you are by no means a christian and you are going to burn in hell not real christians. if you could possibly think you are "saved" you are deranged. You look forward to seeing ppl die in hell? You are sick. you dont even listen to what the bible says, you jerk, you make things completely up too. LIESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!


I love Jesus!!! I love him so much that he came down from the heavens last night and told me to tell you to go fuck your selfs for rejecting cravity and evolution and to faCE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER MONKEY!! YOU WOULD KNEW THAT IF YOU READ A FUCKING BOOK OTHER THAN THE BIBLE WICH IS MOSTLY BULLSHIT!! TELL THE POLICE IF YOU SEE AN ATHEIST???? OOHHH TRY SOME FUCKING L.S.D AND FIND THE GOD WITH IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS ONLY A RIDE!!



To the wanker it may concern

I was reading your website and came across this lovely page


Why don't you go fuck yourself? Or just wait till you find out there is no God you moron.

Merry Christmas faggot.

Paul W.

I am a fellow baptist my self and i completely disagree with your review and believe that you burn in hell for your retarded point of view. You are taking bible versus out of context and molding them to your benefit and belittling others. God shall judge us in due time and will give you your just rewards when your time comes. You shall never make it to the gates of heaven and so forth you all will suffer the fate you all deserve. Your faith is not true to god so you all shall be shunned for the rest of eternity. YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOOD BYE

Beau Hollowell

I didn't finish reading your santa rant because I realized it was so riddled w/ factual errors that nothing in there could be taken seriously. First off, a sonogram is a picture taken using sound waves. An anagram is when you mix up the letters in a word or phrase to get a new word or phrase. Second, December 25 is not the birthday of Jesus, Last King of the Jews. December 25 is a pagan holiday celebrating the winter solstice and the birth of the sun god Mithras (whose holy day is SUNday, the first day of the week, not the 7th). Finally, Santa isn't an ANAGRAM of Satan (borrowed from the Arabic shai'tan, or adversary) it's derived from Saint Nick. Also, there really isn't any mention of Satan in the Bible but they sure do talk about Lucifer a lot. As Christians shouldn't you rise above the fear mongering and spread a message of LOVE this Christmas? If anything maybe you should be raging about the rampant commercialism of Christmas and how the image of a saint has been corrupted into a whore for corporate interests. Get your head out of your ass. Merry Christmas!!

p.s. "hoof-claws" isn't a word and never was

Dan Allen

Your web page is sick !! do you think our lord would be happy if he read what shit you have on your website . If ever there was a time that our lord had to set anyone free may it be your soul ? and send it straight to HELL THAT’S WHERE ANYONE BELONGS WHO USES HIS NAME THE WAY YOU ARE DOING …….MAY WE MEET IN HELL ONE DAY THAT’S WHERE YOU WILL GO //////////// MAY GOD HAVE PITY ON YOUR SOUL ,, GOD IS FOR FREE . NOT FOR YOU TO LINE YOUR POCKETS. THE TIME WILL COME WHEN YOU ALL BURN IN HELL AND I WILL LIGHT THE FIRE

Peter Cage

SHAME ON YOU! I just want to write and say SHAME ON YOU! You say Jesus is watching us, which I do agree wholeheartedly, but he wondering how a church such as yours can turn his word into such hate! He is a loving God! He wants you to come to him and know his love and mercy. I hate to inform you but no one person is perfect! I know you have a right to your beliefs and I have a right to mine. I know you are sitting there thinking this person is going straight to hell for disagreeing with my beliefs, but I and 75% if not more Christians would be appalled at your messages. You need prayer just as much as anyone. Your message says pretty much if you are not saved we will not help you. That is horrible. People have to learn about Jesus. One cannot be held responsible if they were never taught about the Lord. That is why he wants you to come to him, learn about him and love him. He wants a relationship with everyone! His love is patient and kind! Yes he does hate that we sin, but he knows our hearts, much more than you or any of your followers. So I will end this and you can go ahead and think you can predict my fate. I just feel so sorry for your people who think my Lord and supposedly your is such a God of hate! There is a Satan you know or did you forget about him. Churches are to help you find the right path not cast you to hell before you walk through the door! You can quote your scripture all day long, but you have not gotten to know our loving father. By the way judgment is a sin if your leaders have not taught you that.

So have a blessed day!

Once again SHAME ON YOU!


Hi Deacon Fred,

I write this apologetically. I stumbled upon your site while searching for information on homosexuality. It's nothing personal in that case. Although I noticed the comical manner in which the article was written. As I continued to read I began to wonder if this was a site that mock's the church. But when it appeared to me that there were more and more indications that the site claims to be legitimat, i bacame worried. Your site is painting christianity with the wrong paint. In other words, you contradicts everything the bible teaches, and portrays a very twisted image of God, Jesus Christ, and the church. I think that a lost soul who enjoys searching www.black-goat.com and soon after is exposed to the sincere love of God would be more likely to be born again, than to read your site. Thank you for confirming that the end days are close, for re-enforcing the truth to me in setting a blatant example of what false prophets and false teachers are really like and how they teach. Although I do hope your site does not blasphemy of the Holy Ghost. For that I find it scary and sorry to know I'm actually Emailing somone who has no chance of living. If not, i hope some day you will see where your leading yourself and others, and dive into that love you have yet to experience. Practice forgivness, not condemnation.


Nick R.

This is a 'sick' website claiming to represent our Lord Jesus Christ. Greater judgement awaits those who blaspheme His worthy course. I hope your organisation repent and truly seek Gods' way of proclaimimg the gospel. Fom London, England


You know what I hate about you extremely religious folks? You people contradict peace and love by showing hate against people who don't believe in your religion. WAKE UP FOOL. Life isn't about God nor is it about your dumbass. It's about showing love and compassion towards everyone even if they have different beliefs or skin color. And your article about The Golden Compass is a little too harsh. IT'S JUST A MOVIE. It's not trying to show kids to not believe in God or to believe polar bears talk. It's just as innocent as Spongebob Squarepants and Harry Potter. It's people like you who keep kids from expanding their minds and becoming somebody other than a fool stuck in a imagination world where God makes everything okay. I'm sorry if I was a little too harsh. Sincere sensations!

Gustavo Rocha

Your entire group is a sickly cancer set upon decent mankind. In time this cancer will turn within and devour all the evil and hatred that is you. Is short you will swallow your own bitter bile. Shit out, shit in ad infinitum. SPQR Bow and revere while you can. SPQR May God have minimal mercy on you sinners.


Wow. I'll be praying for your church.

Fining people is an interesting approach. That's one way to rake in the money. It's also interesting what you're fining for.

How is failing to win at least one soul a week Biblically based? I wonder if John did that in exile. Or Jesus during the temptation.

"possession of pornographic material (except for widowed or single men over the age of 65)" Lusting is okay for some people? Seems to contradict Matthew 5.

"Clothing is perhaps the most important thing about being a Christian." Seems to contradict Matthew 6, not to mention Christianity as a whole, which happens to be about Jesus more than clothing.

"possession of alcohol outside of Post Communion Party regulations" Seems to contradict Romans 14 among other places in the Bible.

Dancing? Didn't David dance?

Adam Wigdahl






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