April 2005

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Satan Calls Another Pope to Hell!


Freehold, Iowa - Satan's minion here on Earth, the Pope, head of the largest cult in the world (Catholicism) is finally dead and back home with his father, Lucifer, in Hell. It is cause for great celebration among Baptists each time a Pope passes and descends into the Lake of Fire. At Landover Baptist, celebrations are already underway and will last all the way up until another skirt wearing old demon is elected as King of Pedophilia by an unsavory lot of the world's most elite homosexual Cardinals wearing demon red dresses.

True Christian™, and head Pastor of the Landover Baptist Church, Deacon Fred, released the following statement: "I'm going to be as politically correct as I can here folks - because this is an international press release... but we hold nothing but the utmost contempt and loathing for the Catholic cult and we intend to be as disrespectful as possible as we celebrate the long overdue death of the King of the Mary Worshippers. As True Christians™ we can only hope and pray that the Pope's death was as painful and agonizing as the reckless suffering his cult has inflicted on the hundreds of millions of ignorant, unsaved, third-world trash whose pathetic poverty strewn lives litter the countries raped dry by the Roman Catholic Church.

Landover Baptists will fully utilize the Lord's advantage during this time of Satanic mourning between Popes to celebrate, preach, and take part in activist (yes! activist!) activities. "We will hold hourly bus trips to Des Moines and other major cities where we will visit Catholic churches, smash up their idols and statues of Mary, loose their rosary beads, tear down their confessional booths, and re-arrange the seven stations of the cross! It is a great time to get your Christian child involved in a major historical event! What a wonderful learning experience for a young Christian! So all are welcome to join us!"

Church members are also encouraged to use this time to share the gospel message with unsaved Catholic friends or family members. "It is a very difficult thing to deprogram an individual who has been caught up in a cult most of their lives," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "Especially the Catholic cult. The sickest, and most disgusting cult in the world.  We're talking about folks who go to a "so-called" church each Sunday and listen to men who wear dresses and bugger children in their offices after hours. Understand that these ignorant people (Catholics) are under the spell of Satan's oldest tricks!. Their ancestors were the pagan Romans who, like them, worshipped goddesses and statues, lit candles, prayed to the dead, wore long flowing gowns, and surrounded themselves with gold and nubile young boys. As Real Christians™ we are called to utilize this time to get them saved and invite them (after they are saved) to a Bible-believing Baptist church."







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