A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement.
Standing straight up, not hunched over while urinating, is a sign of
manliness. Squatting on a toilet seat (especially if he hovers to avoid the
urine of others or prissily wipes the seat with a square of toilet tissue)
to pee is not only effeminate but a sign of shame! It is a secret hobby that
homosexuals use in their daily lives. It is a scientific fact that when needing to
use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant
undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But
homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks
of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises.
Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no
intention of squatting over an engorged penis. As soon as your child is able
to walk on two feet, you must make that sure he is taught to stand proudly
in front of a private or public toilet seat, and to speak not a word,
especially in response to the coy whispers of Catholic priests in the next
2. A boy
must eat everything on his plate. But if your son pesters you to serve
corn on the cob, hot dogs or sausages, that is your signal to change his
diet. Try serving meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the
fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna
fish will usually do the trick.
3. A boy
must always wear socks, except while swimming. So-called,
"flip-flops" and "sandals," where the toes and ankles
are exposed are products that were created during the (homo)sexual
revolution. Creation research indicates that these types of provocative
"shoes," were invented by homosexuals in San Fransissyco during
the late 1960's with fetishes for little boy ankles. Thwart the perverted
delight of these pedo-pedophiles with a thick pair of tube socks!
4. A boy
must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend
Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful
3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male
leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing. Soccer is
not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut
penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to
poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women
grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When
there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the
football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances:
wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and
sporting a noticeably turgid crotch.
5. A boy
must not play with dolls. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him
from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary
heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household. If you
catch your male child playing with dolls, Landover Baptist Child
Psychologists recommended that you shave his head, and sit him out at the
end of the driveway with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm a Sissy
Boy Who Plays With Dolls – Mailman: Why don't you just go ahead and stick
something in my mouth?." This method of prevention has a 99.5% success
rate (unless your particular mailman is young and attractive).
6. A boy
must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy."
As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his
Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest."
When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir,"
"Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and
"Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo,
embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of
their hands below their waists.
7. A boy
must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are
acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or
undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their
pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom
are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference
between the two.
8. A boy
must never cry or pout. Crying, pouting or showing feelings are weak and
feminine traits. After the natural tears of infancy, brought on by a child's
traumatic exit from the spiritual realm of Heaven, to the horrible shock
every young man experiences in seeing his very own mother's hairy, dilated
vagina, and into this Devil run world we call, "Earth," your boy
must be taught to stop crying. It usually takes a normal child several weeks
to get over its birth – even when using daily submersions into ice-water.If
your child is still crying after three weeks, please drop him off at the
Creation Science Laboratory for the remainder of the year and for a
determination of whether he is worth having back.