November 2000

- Brother Harry Hardwick Reviews

As all church members know, I co-chair Landover's Society to Cure Ailing Morality with Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian.  As part of my duties for SCAM, I recently attended a festival in Hollywood that offered sneak previews of upcoming holiday films.  Pastor Deacon Fred suspended the universal church ban on travel to California to facilitate this excursion.  The purpose of the trip was to make a list of the Satanic movies that all Landover members must avoid.  Needless to say, I brought a stack of legal pads.  Given the racy content of many of these films, I ordered my lovely wife, Heather, to stay home with the children.

Needless to say, there was enough of Hell at that festival to make anyone with an iota of moral backbone vomit.  There were movies about sex, about life on Mars, about sex, about little spotted demon-possessed dogs who can talk, about sex, about a trio of painted harlots who pose as detectives, and about sex.  I was just about to give up on Hollywood and our society when a tremendous picture caught my eye: "Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2."

Now, I realize some of you remember Dora Jean Hazlett's review of the first installment of this magnificent anthology last year.  Dora found the movie disgusting.  But you must remember that Dora is only a gal and therefore wasn't capable of seeing the symbolism behind the on-screen debauchery.  The film's message is carefully disguised and practically subliminal, meaning it can only be overtly ascertained by people of higher intelligence, which, of course, is a group limited to men.

Blair Witch 2 is truly a moral breakthrough for Hollywood.  The hidden theme of the movie is that physical and mental disaster befalls those who defy God's word.  Satan is represented in this film by an old, decrepit female the movie refers to as a witch.  However, the "politically correct" term by which these hideous, wart-covered, frightening beings prefer to be referred today is "wiccan."  The movie's choice of a wiccan to represent Satanic evil in its purest form is brilliant.  Wiccans and their male counterparts, warlocks, are best known for practicing human sacrifices and 
consuming human blood for their sustenance.  One would be hard-pressed to conjure up a more disgusting, evil being to represent the devil's chief ally.  God told us in no uncertain terms that all witches will wind up in Hell (Galatians 5:20-21).  And He made clear that all wiccans/witches must be killed (Exodus 22:18).  While the Puritans did their best to kill all these minions of Satan, some escaped.  After all, witches are females and, like the first of them, females are subtle and deceitful (Proverbs 7:10; Ecclesiastes 7:26).  The wiccan in this movie escaped God's edict and took up residence deep in the woods.  All of the other characters of the film know that those who have attempted to communicate with the wiccan have experienced a violent demise.  This shows that sinners are aware of the consequences of succumbing to temptation, yet many defy God and do so anyway.

The story focuses on a group of young hedonists who venture into the woods to commune with Satan's ally.  The youngsters drink, smoke, fornicate and curse and thus represent the epitome of sin in contemporary society.  The group is led by a girl who induces the boys to follow her in her quest for debauchery, much like Eve convinced Adam to sin.  The witch is to this girl what the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge was to Eve.  Yet, despite knowing that this witch kills all who go in search of her (just as Eve was warned not to taste the fruit), the harlot insists on tracking the devil's minion.

As the youngsters come closer and closer to Satan's accomplice, their swearing and generally bad manners increase.  When their sin reaches a crescendo, so does the inevitable fate befitting their conduct.  The kids experience one terrifying disaster after another.  And when they finally realize they should have followed God and not the devil, the witch begins violently slaughtering them, one by one.  She rips out bodily organs, severs their appendages, burns them and drains their bodies of blood.  These are perhaps the most glorious scenes of this tremendous film.  They parallel the horrors described in the Book of Revelation to the tee.  In the end, the sinners lose and the devil wins, much as what awaits the majority of people in real life.

I have recommended to Pastor that all Landover families be compelled to watch this movie.  Pastor has ordered copies of the tapes to be shown in all church sanctuaries Hell-o-ween weekend, when the devil is at his strongest.  Parents are encouraged to bring their youngest of children so they can see the fate that awaits them if they defy their parents and ministers and follow in the demonic ways of their secular peers.

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