Holiday Memories

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Dear Precious Friends of Jesus, 

Another year has flown by and we are upon the greatest time of the year, Baby Jesus' Birthday! This is my very favorite season and I have been instructed by The Lord to pass along a few of my favorite Holiday Tips and Salvation Stories. Please, feel free to implement any of these ideas into your own family traditions -- When it comes to celebrating our Savior's birth, you can do worse than a Crockett Christmas, but you can't do better! 

The Hanging of the Greens at my home starts the season. On the Monday after Thanksgiving, BIG BOB'S CHRISTIAN TREE FARM usually arrives at 6:00 in the morning with his semi at our manse with the trees for the living room, sun room, family room, kitchen, bedrooms, foyer, and my favorite the flocked pink tree for my prayer room! And after the trees the hundreds of yards of fresh garland is unloaded for mantels, stairways, railings and for all of the exterior windows. Usually by 11:00 all of the greens are unloaded and Mr. Phillipe, the decorator works his magic with millions of lights, fresh fruit, assorted orchids, gardenias and poinsettias. I always put on my Vera Wang Holiday slip dress and pass out hot cider and homemade cinnamon rolls to the busy workers. By six that evening the house is ready for the Crockett Annual open house. For those of you fortunate to attend we will be having 9 Choirs of our own "Angels" singing various Holiday tunes throughout the home and gardens. 

These are a few suggestions that I always enjoy! Take turns roll playing the birth of Christ using a small child or pet - - then eat unleavened bread with lamb chunks marinated and broiled on toothpicks and oranges. Once the last guest has had their turn giving birth to the Messiah, it is time to provide each of your guests with a gift they will truly enjoy: gift wrapped boxes of gold, frankincense and myrrh! Hostess Tip: Have your help dress up as "wise men" and pass these lovely boxes out to each guest. Hostess Tip: never wrap in silver paper; no one wants to think they are getting a baked potato for Christmas! 

Candles - - Signify that Christ is "the light of the world" and that you have that special touch when it comes to holiday decoration. Make sure your candles are all from France, as domestic candles burn unevenly and your guests will know the difference. 4 Sundays prior to Christmas, light one candle each Sunday, sing a song of praise and use the last "jah" in "hallelujah" to blow out the candle on the last Sunday! Then you will know it is Christmas!

LOVE IN BLOOM. Bring a little romance into the holidays by leaving single red flowers in surprising places for your spouse to find during the week before Christmas. Put one in a briefcase, on the dashboard of the car, inside the medicine chest, or in the middle of his leather-bound 1611 King James Bible. Each flower will be a little like a love note from you at this most loving time of the year -- as well as helpful hints reminding him of your birthstone (say "diamonds" -- he won't know), dress and ring size. 

Arrange a limo caravan with your favorite Christian friends for the annual Bright Light Tour" - - dinner at a restaurant and window shop and see the Christmas Lights and Decorations at each friendly home Finish the evening with hot chocolate. Many people take a gifts with them. Something as simple as a Tiffany's Silver candy cane ornament for each child, or a plate of cookies, etc. Christ told us to love our neighbors, and what better way to do it than through Tiffany? 

The 12 days of Baby Jesus: 

  1. Baby Jesus in a manager (A must see LIVE nativity at the Christian Mall, ADOPT BABY JESUS!) 
  2. turtle doves --the Old and New Testaments; KJV 1611 only (we release the doves after Christmas) 
  3. French hens--Faith, Hope and Charity 
  4. calling birds--the Four Gospels; (Sometimes, Daniel says that Judy, Betty Bowers , Myself and Aunt Edith are the "Calling Birds for Jesus." 
  5. golden rings--the first five books of the Old Testament, which give the history of man's fall from grace 
  6. geese a laying--the six days of creation; (We have live ones in the fountain in front of our House) 
  7. swans a swimming--seven gifts of the Holy Spirit; (The swans and the geese do not get along so we keep the swans in the pool. They are so cute with the red bows around their necks) 
  8. maids a milking--the eight Beatitudes 
  9. ladies dancing---nine choirs of angels 
10. lords a leaping--the Ten Commandments 
11. pipers piping--the eleven faithful Apostles 
12. drummers drumming--the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed 

When all is said and done, let us not forget the very best part of the Season:  Shopping for Christian Friends. Be be careful that you know where it is you are shopping. Satan has a few Holiday Traditions of his own. I remember last year when I stopped in a new gift shoppe, The Rainbow Magnolia, thinking it was a lovely Christian store just outside of town. Well, I went in and I saw a sweet little tree all decorated with clear ornaments and in each one was a tiny red ribbon. Certain that these ornaments signified the Blood of Jesus I bought 200 of these to pass out as Secret pal gifts for the Sunday school class. Well, when I was about to pay for these ornaments the sales man said to me, "Mrs. Crockett, Words can not express the gratitude that the Aids Patients at St. Mary's House , (A Cathylick Homo-Sexulal orgy group home!) will have knowing that Landover Baptist Church members are now supporting our cause." YOUR CAUSE!!! I screamed. Why, I thought these were for Jesus not for FILTHY HOmo-SEXUALS!" I demanded my money back and I rebuked that swishy little man for trying to deceive me. "I will not support you! AIDS is Gods Curse to you people!" I took my purse and I swung it around and I destroyed every single one of SATANS Holiday Ornaments that I could Before Tyrone, my driver came in and pulled me away. "You will pay for this lady!" the little Homo called after me! 

Well, later that night was the annual First Night of the Live Nativity at the Church. The manger was to lit and the show to start at seven when my Christian Cell phone rings, "Sister Taffy" Judy O'Christian said, "You best get on down to the Church right away we have a problem!" Well, I made my last little purchase at Neimans and I had Tyrone run me on over to the Church. And do you know what I saw?. I saw about 25 Filthy Homo-Sexuals who had handcuffed  themselves to the main gate of the Church right beside where the Live nativity was to be set up. Oh, I was furious that these minions of Satan had done such a thing. Security was already there and Sister Judy was in tears over the entire matter. "Taffy, What are we to do? The show starts in less than one hour and these DEMONS are going to ruin Christmas for everyone!" Not to be out done by this display of Sodomites, I called over security and I asked them to go into the Church basement and bring up the old Displays from the Hell House from the last season. And we erected the set right in front of those men. Praise the Lord we still had the sign that read "GOD HATES FAGS" and all of the pink twinkling lights so we decorated them all up like they were at a HOMO-SEXUAL Christmas party. We even set up a tree and used the those awful Sodomite ornaments that I had not destroyed to decorate that tree. Those queers put up a real fuss. But we drowned them out with sounds of Hell, and Christian Carols until the nativity was over and then, I walked to the stage and I pulled out my purse sized bull horn and I explained the mysterious set up that was adjacent to the Nativity. "Friends of Jesus, what we have here is proof that SATAN is out to destroy baby Jesus Birthday! We have arranged to this little "drama" to show you what the filthy Homo-Sexuals are doing to take the Christ out of Christmas." And about that time the fire of Hell that we had piped in front of the queer Christmas Scene were lit and the Party Scene of the Homo-sexuals was engulfed with flame. The crowd cheered and the perverts were trying their best to get out of there, but they could not as they were handcuffed to the gate. And do you know what happened next? I will tell you. Those Homo-Sexuals repented right then and there. Everyone of those perverts denounced their evil lifestyle choice and became Christians. Doesn't God Work in mysterious ways? 

Friends, this year those very men are have completed the Betty Bowers' B.A.S.H. program and will be the same ones who will now decorate my home for Christmas. They may be scarred with the flames of Hell, but they are Saved. 

Merry Christmas to all who are Saved! To those unsaved who Celebrate Christmas, please find another holiday to ruin! Christmas is for Christians! Not for YOU!

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