How many men did God kill because someone decided to peek into the ark of the Lord?
A. None. God certainly wouldn’t kill someone merely for
examining holy things.
C. Just the people who looked into the ark.
D. 250. The people who looked into the ark and their immediate families.
How many men did Moses kill in one day because they failed to say they supported God?
A. None. God doesn’t kill people for their mistakes.
B. 200 - those who failed to say they supported the Lord, but not their family members.
C. 1,000 - those who failed to say they supported the Lord and their spouses.
D. 3,000 - those who failed to say they supported their Lord and their brothers, companions and neighbors.
How many people did God kill in a plague before someone pleased God by ending a mixed marriage with the murder of the couple?
A. None. God loves all his children and imposes no restriction on whom they marry (so long as the person is of the opposite gender).
D. None of the above.
How many animals did Solomon kill in a sacrifice to please the Lord?
A. None. God is not so insensitive as to gain satisfaction from man’s slaughter of innocent animals.
B. Two head of cattle, two rams and two ravens.
C. A herd of 100 sheep that he and his men came across in their conquests.
D. 120,000 sheep and 22,000 oxen.
How many Israelites did God deliver to the people of Judah to slaughter?
A. Trick question. The Israelites were God’s chosen people, hence He never would have allowed anyone to slaughter them.
B. Half a million.
C. 552 -- the number who disobeyed his commands.
D. 200 - the number who worshiped strange gods.
Notwithstanding the above, how many people of Judah were once killed or enslaved because they didn’t give God his due?
A. 120,000 valiant men were killed and 200,000 women and children were taken as slaves (not to mention the theft of property).
D. None of the above.
How many Ethiopians did God kill for His chosen people?
A. None. God doesn’t kill people!
B. One million.
C. One thousand.
D. A hundred.
Speaking of God’s chosen people, how many kings were maimed in God’s name?
B. One had his legs broken so he couldn’t gather men to form an army.
C. Two had their tongues cut out so they couldn’t call the people to war.
D. 70 had their thumbs and big toes cut off.
How many soldiers did God burn to death with fire from Heaven because they confronted Elijah?
A. None. God would never engage in such a cruel act.
D. 150 (three sets of 50).
By the time God gets through with his killing spree, how many dead will there be?
A. None. God doesn't kill.
B. Ten million.
C. One hundred million.
D. Enough to cover the entire surface of the Earth.