My Imaginary Friend Just Told Me His Name is Jesus!

In last Sunday's sermon, Pastor Deacon Fred recalled a conversation he had with  an unsaved cashier at a Safeway in Des Moines. "This feller was just yapping to himself, and mumbling," said Pastor. "So I asked him, who are you talking to? To which he replied, 'My 2,000 year old invisible flying friend.' I told him, as an adult, he really needed to let go of such childish things. Part of being an adult is living in the real world and not clinging to made-up stories and imaginary friends, no matter how comforting. Then, he happened to mention that his friend was called "Jesus." I told him, "Well, why didn't you say so? That's different kettle of fish entirely, my friend!"

Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards gives candid advice to True Christians® who have unsaved family members with invisible or so-called, "imaginary" friends. "When does a friend stop becoming imaginary?" asks Dr. Edwards, "Well, most Christian Psychologists believe it is when your imaginary friend tells you his name is Jesus. And I believe that to be true in almost every case. You see," says Edwards, "when a person finally becomes a True Christian®, all imagination ceases to exist. So if a person is saying that their imaginary friend, just told him or her that its name is Jesus, it is reasonable that the friend is no longer imaginary.  To put it in simple terms, their friend is the living Son of God who sits on a throne in Heaven and hears and watches everything that every single person on Earth does, each and every day - and that includes masturbation!"

Christian Psychologists teach us that an unsaved person's mind is very susceptible to imagination. It is only when an unsaved person gets saved that their imagination is replaced with reality. And that reality is the True Christian® reality - that we are living in a world where invisible demons and angels are fighting an unseen, but very real war over human souls. The harvesting of souls for the Devil's consumption and the Lord's delight, we know to be real, because no unsaved person could ever imagine such a thing. It is only when their minds and bodies are transformed by the born again experience that all imagination ceases to exist. What replaces their silly world of mental fiction, transforms a previously distorted view of the world into a vivid and clear reality. That reality includes the resurrection of the dead, the communion of saints, the fellowship of angels, and the everlasting torture of eternal hellfire for all those who never heard about Jesus.

Landover Baptist youth ministers are professionally trained to spot young children with imaginary friends. "We start as early as nursery school," says Youth Pastor, Geoffrey Weaver. "If a child is lucky enough to make it through the Spring Bible Crawl, we're fairly certain it doesn't have demons, but our work on securing the child's salvation is still at the beginning stages." Landover Nursery school teachers encourage young pre-Christians who appear to have imaginary friends, to develop a speaking relationship with their friend. "It's important that we find out if their imaginary friend is Jesus or the Holy Ghost, or a demon, as quickly as possible," notes Weaver. "I don't think we have to explain why. Let's just say it's no fun telling a Christian parent that their 2-year old has just been shipped off in a chicken cage to the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota."

At Landover Baptist, our church members are blessed enough to have Pastors who make it a priority to stop imagination long before it becomes dangerous. "That's usually at the age of two, as we understand it," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "I believe the angels in heaven throw a party and the demons in Hell pound the sandy shores of the lake of fire in anger each time a young pre-Christian tells his nursery school teacher, 'My invisible friend just told me his name is Jesus!' And what a joy it is also, to hear the same thing from an unsaved adult on their deathbed, two seconds before they take their last breath."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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