Baptist Beauty Pageant

Brother Harry Hardwick - The Bible Answer Man!

Pastor's Daughter Wins Miss Baptist  Beauty Contest 3rd Year in a Row! 

Special Announcement

Biloxi, MS - The Landover Baptist Church is pleased to announce that Pastor Deacon Fred's daughter, Miss Penny-May was the first place winner of this year's Miss Baptist Beauty pageant. If any of you see Penny-May about town wearing a rhinestone crown of thorns on her head, please offer your congratulations!

"Penny-May has been training for this moment since the day her sweet mother began multitasking during breast-feeding by trying out every Miss Clairol on Penny-May until she found the right shade of burnt-tomato to bring out her prominent right eye," says proud father, Pastor Deacon Fred. The only thing that held Penny-May back from winning Miss Infant Baptist and Miss Sexually Alluring Prepubescent Baptist sashes was her pageant nemesis JonBenet Ramsey. "I remember that cold, snowy Christmas ten years ago," recalls Mrs. Deacon Fred. "Precious Penny-May looked up from the newspaper and said, 'Did you see what happened in Boulder, Colorado last night, Momma? The Lord Jesus really does answer prayers!'" 

Penny-May enjoys sidesaddle horseback riding, reading the Bible, and working with the elderly at the Landover Baptist Memorial Hospital for the Saved where she practices new hair styles on them while they are medicated. Penny is twenty-seven years old, and currently lives in a recently converted carport at home with her parents (her former bedroom is now devoted to a Christian karaoke stage and runway). Give her a can of Campbell's Soup and you will find that she is an excellent casserole whipper-upper and is searching for a God-fearing man whom she can serve dinner to for the rest of her life - upon her father's approval, of course!

The Miss Baptist Beauty Pageant takes place on June 4th in Conference Room B at the Oak Manor Best Western, in Biloxi, Mississippi. This year's contest winner will be flown to Belize, in Central America for a few days vacation and to tour several state of the art Christian clothing manufacturing plants owned by Landover Baptist's Wexler Offshore Holdings.

Miss Penny-May will be available in the main sanctuary for the next four Sundays where she will be ceremoniously baptized and show off her winning pageant talent (singing under water) by singing some of her father's favorite hymns while he holds her in the baptismal pool. She will also be happy to sign your Bibles in Fellowship Hall after each service if the book's receipt from the Gift Shop is dated the same as the day of signing.




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