December 2007

The Latest Product Line From Landover Baptist

George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

60 Second Sermons

Expert Christian Advice

Accept Christ and Get a Free Playstation2

The Golden Compass Vs. The Holy Bible!


Most Christians familiar with The Golden Compass (based on the pornographic scribblings of unrepentant God-hater and -- quite possibly -- heroin addicted child diddler, Philip Pullman), know it is an atheist recruitment film marketed towards our precious children. The film makes clear that Pullman knows only too well that otherwise decent Baptist children will believe that Jesus Christ and His followers are indeed "[unchristian word]-sucking mother-[unchristian word]ers" when a cuddly Coca-Cola polar bears says it with a smile. Not only is the film full of cute, enticing, furry animals with mouths like horny sailors on leave in a Shanghai red light district, it exposes youngsters to alarming viewpoints that are anti-religious right, anti-morality, and anti-(just believing what you are damn well told!). We now live in a world where we have to constantly worry about our children being presented with abhorrent, new ideas that are slightly different than the stuff our parents forced us to believe. Since, according to the soon to be drummed out of town nitwits at the local court, we can't ban The Golden Compass from being shown in every theater in America outside of Freehold, Iowa - we thought it would be a good idea to present the general, saved public with a handy comparison chart and tip sheet of how to combat the crazy inappropriate ideas presented in this movie with the wonderful and timeless truths we should be eagerly teaching our children from the biggest selling family book with sex and killing ever written: The Holy Bible. 

Dangerously Inappropriate Ideas Children Are Exposed To In The Golden Compass: Healthy Ideas Children Are Exposed To In God's Word, The Holy Bible:
The Golden Compass exposes children to alcohol consumption by presenting them with a whiskey-guzzling bear.  The Bible exposes children to actual human beings who drink their own urine and eat their own poop. Parents will also enjoy reading a wonderful yarn about a poor fellow who walked into his drunk father's tent to find him buck naked!  "...hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?" Isaiah 36:12 "And he (Noah) drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father..." Genesis 9:21-22
The Golden Compass promotes the false notion that children who are born out of wedlock are "a-OK" and can actually end up being someone who matters. In the Holy Bible, children learn that little boys and girls who are born out of wedlock (the Bible calls them: BASTARDS) are to be shunned and we are to have nothing to do with them or their descendents. "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD."  Deuteronomy 23:2
The Golden Compass teaches innocent children that it is possible for witches, specters and ritual magicians to be quite helpful at times. Little children who read the Holy Bible learn that they are commanded to kill witches and have nothing to do with the occult. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Exodus 22:18 "There shall not be found among you any one... that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter or a witch. Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer."  Deuteronomy 18:11
The Golden Compass teaches children that bears can talk. The Bible makes it factually clear to children that only snakes and donkeys can talk. "Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?" Genesis 3:1 "And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee?" Numbers 22:30
The Golden Compass teaches children that organized religion (or the "Magesterium" in the movie) and its devout followers are evil and kidnap little children.
The Bible teaches children that the Jewish Church in the time of Christ produced devout followers called, Pharisees and Sadducees, who hated Jesus and had him killed. "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." John 8:44

It is also important to note that The Catholic Church produces devout followers called, "Priests," who sodomize little children at their leisure. 

Children are presented with the notion that a Golden Compass can answer any question.
Children who read the Bible are warned that a person will be punished with unspeakable, blood-curdling terrors and infinite torture if  they so much as question or add anything to God's Word, The Holy Bible!  "For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book." Revelation 22:18


We encourage our readers to e-mail us with any other comparisons they think might help Christian parents. The Golden Compass calls True Christians™ to put on the full, platinum, ornately decorated armor of God and suffer not to spend nine dollars to sit in the badly cushioned seats of America 's picture houses that choose to corrupt our sweet children with filth!   Remember: The meddlesome local court won't let US stop the theaters from SHOWING it, but that doesn't mean all who read this article can't hop on down to their local multiplex and stop gullible trash from WATCHING it.  Nobody wants to sit through a long movie being pelted by Bible tracts and pork chops!





Copyright 2007-2008, Americhrist Ltd. All rights reserved. Terms of Service
The Landover Baptist Parody website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18

Tons of Holiday Gift Ideas in the Landover Baptist Store

Shop and Support America's Favorite Church for the Holidays!
Click to Shop Landover Baptist for the Holy'Days!

Like the Site?  Buy the Book from the Writers of Landover Baptist!
The Landover Baptist Book

Dick Cheney Scrooge Cards - Life is Tough. Life is Hard. Here's Your Fucking Christmas Card!
Intelligent Design Products Make a Perfect Christmas Gift
Santa Claus Did Not Die For Your Sins - On Cards, Mugs, Shirts and Stickers
Skeptics Bible Verse Calendars Are a Perfect Gift Idea For the Heathen in the House
Black T-Shirts, Red T-Shirts and More With Naughty & Nice Labels
Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!  Please Don't Burn Us in Hell!
Back to School With Landover Baptist
Witness at School Gear!
Value T-Shirts in the Landover Baptist Store!
Click Here!