A Small Sample of Landover Baptist Mail Received August 2005  (unedited and in original form)

To whomever it may concern;

I am a religious studies major at Ball State University. When I saw "The Homo Handshake," I was appalled.

First, this supposed shake is used exactly nowhere on the planet. Second, the careful insertion of the phrases "who will be the girl" and "meeting in a public toilet for sex" shows the ignorance and intolerance of your organization.

In several areas, the Bible clearly states that judgment is not for Man to make, much less representatives of the religion such as yourself. Tolerance and Acceptance are key, and you are supposed to love all regardless of their choices.

If you believe the Bible, then you must believe that you will punished by God for your ignorance.

-Matt Henry

P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

hey i was just wondering, is this site for real? Tim burton, by the way, is an artist. not a satanist promoting sexual relationships with the deceased. honestly. its called FICTIONAL MATERIAL. its meant to be enjoyed, not to teach lessons. and if you honestly have children, that idiotic, and that easily influenced then perhaps you've either hit them too hard (you sadistic child abusing bastards) or perhaps they are products of incest, or "heterosexual experimentation" as you called it in your "how to prevent your child from being homosexual" article. either way, get your corrupted values straight, and do not insult the works of a brilliant director or whom you do not even know, nor do you know any of his other amazing and moving productions (not that anyone as one sided as yourself could ever fully appreciate anything with depth or the slightest bit of imagination.) real or not, take down your degrading articles, because there probably are people out there easily brainwashed enough to think that because you speak "in the name of god" that these ridiculous ideas of yours could actually be correct.

-Sherry Hansen write back. seriously. make my day

You cannot possible feel any pride in publishing such total trips as was discussed in "Kwanza, Slang for Murder". Your should be totally ashamed for even suggesting such a thing transpired. You should even be ashamed that such a biased opinion could be entertained and that you would even suggest promoting such bigoted women (the alleged Christians.) In reading he article, I considered WWJD and decided to write you. This is totally UN-Christian. How can you call yourself a pastor of Christ when you propagate such vitriolic drivel as truth?

Martin Kaplan

Dear Pastor, I really do not remember how I accessed your church's website. But at first I thought it was just mockery, for a private use. What in the world are you doing using Our Lord's name like that? Who do you think you are! You are ACTUALLY SELLING SALVATION YOU IGNORANT! I am VERY mad! People may curse Christ but you are doing FAR MORE than that.

When Jesus Saw that the people were using the temple to sell their shameful items He went MAD... May God Straighten Up your paths.

A Son of the MOST HIGH

Kais Shammas

To whom it may concern: A friend pointed me in the direction of your site, and I must point out that your section for "Wicca Hunting License" is so very offensive, and sad at the same time. I was raised a Southern Baptist, and it is folks of your ilk that gave me cause to leave the church. I cannot believe the hipocricy! When i was a christian, we were taught to love everone; that it was almost a sin not to, as God said to love thy neighbor. It is because of folks like you that have the United States in this war, this horrible economy, and the reason I am taking my grandchildren out of the Baptist church as of today. I want my grandchildren to grow up with love in their heart (which is supposed to be a christian vurtue), forgiveness, and equality of the human race (another supposed christian vurtue). I think you should be very ashamed that you even had the nerve to put this link on your website!

May the Goddess bless and forgive you,

Linda D. Kramer

OH MY GOD you scammers thats not what jesus is about u fucker i'm telling every one i know about you and reporting you to the police if u dont shutdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Fitsimons

I just want you to know that the story you did on the 11 yr old So called "Chat whore" Was just wrong, and whatever judge laid down that ruling needs to be debarred. And if you for one minute think that GOD would agree with you and your sick minded followers you are so out of your damn minds it is not even funny.

Granted she shouldn't have been doing this, But, She is 11 yrs old and there are other ways of teaching a child.. and that is definitely not one of them.

You people are just plain sick and need to Be taken out of the church, You have no right teaching anyone what god wants or said. You need to be put into a mental hospital in a straight jacket and locked in a padded room to play with yourself.


A mother with an oppinion.

Being a Pagan I am not pleased with your Wiccan Hunting License. Just who do you people think you are? We have a right to our religion which, I might add, does not have or offer hunting licenses for uninformed Christians, just as much as you do. Blessed Be!

Lady Sharane Thais

Pagan Eclectic

I just want you to know that you shattered my heart with your advertisement for a wwjd thong. How could you do that? Dont you know who He is, what He died for? How could you? Do you think that our Lord, who said to the adulteress "go, and sin no more" would approve of such a thing? Would Jesus Christ, the same who condemned all evil, especially to those so called spiritual leaders, want you to produce such an immoral garment and then slap his face on the front of it? How dare you, how dare you tread the path of the world in the name of Christ. Whatever good you are doing ammounts to nothing, this advertisement has smeared filthy sin all over you and everything you say you represent. I know there is a trend to believe that God has a sense of humor, and He accepts us as we are, He realizes were just human. What I want to know is, where in the Bible did God ever tell a joke? When did He ever say to a sinner, I accept you as you are, youre just human? Never! He was always telling people to prepare for the day of wrath, to follow Him, to be meek, to be peacemakers, to love one another, to be perfect, even as His Father in Heaven was perfect. With all the pain that immorality has caused God's earth, do you think He would even remotely joke about it? Do you think King David thinks its funny now? How about Judah who lost everything because of this sin? Well, I've said more than enough, but I will say one more thing. With all your talk of being saved you must ask yourself one question, can you imagine touching heaven with those filthy hands? Can you see yourself sitting down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob comfortably with them knowing that you put their God on a thong? Get rid of it, not for my sake, not for the church's sake, or even for God's sake, but for your own good, lest you find the door closing as the Master says "I never knew you."



John Neider

I reciently was browsing some of your articles, and found this in an article called "How to spot athiests and report them to the FBI" Atheists, but spit in Christ's face in secret by failing to get down on their knees and repeat all the compliments He demands to hear. Christ demands no complements, only that we honor Him in every act we do. Also, Crist firmly stated that we are to accept others, including the unsaved. Romans 14:3 reads "The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him" The word "eat" refers to the acceptance of Him. In conclusion, Ifind it highly offensive tht you mock His word. Kindly refrain from doing that again. I also find it highly offensive that you claim to be a pastor.

Josh Graham

God still loves you guys, I think that "though dost protest too much". Something had to set you off to make you guys so bitter towards Christianity. I think probably there is still hope for all of you because you make it your focus (Christianity) and spend a lot of time making fun of it. It does puzzle me, why not an Islamic, or Hindi, or Jewish, Buddhist website? I guess when I see websites like this it strengthens my faith and makes me go wow, "we really are being persecuted", and if you know your bible, "blessed are the persecuted".

Anyway I can respect you for all are defiantly COLD, not lukewarm at all, and I actually found some of your stuff entertaining.

Just remember... if there was a planet that existed behind Pluto that science hadnít discovered yet, that planet would exist weather you believed in it or not, what you think about it has no bearing on it whatsoever. Just because you canít see hear, feel or taste something doesnít mean it isnít real. Also we all have one thing in common, we are all going to die, and death rate is 100% for all living creatures, so all of our time is coming. (Not saying become a fanatic, but this is something we ALL have to deal with) It will be interesting to see the authors of this website when they are 80 years old, I wonder if you guys will change your tune. If anything if I can offer any advice it would be to stop dwelling in such a negative hateful place, but hey to each his own, some of it is funny.

Take care, Lit327


You are making a mockery out of my God and Savior Jesus Christ. In His word He says that He will not let people who do this go unpunished. Please make sure what you say is in the Bible before teaching it.

Kind Regards

Michelle Janse van Rensburg

Cirlces are of satan? You stupid fucks! Rot in fucking hell, puss bag pieces of shit!!!!

No Name

Dear Pastor Deacon Fred Smith! You seem to be in charge there, so I will direct these comments to you. Your article on menstrating women fertilizing fields was sick and demonic and immoral! As a Christian woman, I was deeply offended by it. Even pornography is not as demeaning and satanic as this article! You and your wicked associate pastors should be ashamed of yourselves for such vulgarity and indecency. Women were created in the image of God too like men were. Our "time of the month" does not make us evil! Besides, Christians should not demonize normal bodily processes given to them by God, like the menstral cycles he gave women. They are normal, NOT evil!

I have found your site to be factualy inaccurate on every subject you discuss, misleading, blasphemous, and atheistic. Our church's ladies group is working to shut you down and get filth like you off the internet. Your church leadership is a nauseating stench to my God. You parade yourself as "saved" and everyone else as "unsaved." I am not Baptist, but a Methodist and I AM STILL A CHRISTIAN! You are factious and presumptuous like Satan was to assume that you are the only Christians in the world going to heaven. Your corrupt church is Christless and Godless, and if you do not repent before Jesus returns, you will find yourself separated from him in Hell forever.


A concerned Methodist Christian who is going to heaven whether you like it or not and will not stop until we shut your cult down!

- Chelsy Fischer, First United Methodist Church of Irving

You are not Christians. you are a cult. God doesn't hate gays, he loves them even though they have sinned. Guess what you have sinned to. All you are is a bunch of racist, sexist, bigots trying to get people to listen to you to get their money. "True Christians" shouldn't not have to pay a fine because of what they wear to church. You can worship God anytime, in any clothes. You all say that any one like you is going to hell. I hope you burn in the same hell you say everyone else is going to. You are nothing but a bunch of homophobic, sexist, racist, bigots. You all should read your bible and see what is says about those types of people.

See you in hell

Erica Baggins

Dear Landover Baptist Church, My name is Fred. I am a devout Christian. You have damned my soul by saying things on your website that filled me with hatred. Before this night I did not know there were hateful, evil people like you in all the world. Your blasphemy, prejudice, bigotry, obscenity, and hatred have made me hate you and sin against my God! I will repent when I get over telling you how much I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU! I don't normally use language like that but you made me sin. I fucking hate you! I fucking, fucking hate you. I fucking REALLY HATE YOU! I can forgive Hitler but not you! You are worse than anyone else I know because you mock God! What you said about Indians has made me cry. I am part indian and we are the most persecuted people in the world. HOW DARE YOU CURSE US AND CALL US RAPISTS AND DRUNKS! You are evil and judgmental and I fucking hate you! I am sorry to say that I hate you so bad if any of your pastors were in front of me now I would bash their heads in with steal pipes as hard as I could! I don't know how I will be able to forgive you now or if I ever can. You may have ended my walk with Jesus! IF I FUCKING CAN'T FORGIVE YOU AND HAVE HATE IN MY HEART I CAN'T BE SAVED CAN I FUCKERS??????? I hope you burn in that hotter part of Hell talked about in the bible! Fuck you! Fuck ou! Fuck you! Fuck you! and Fuck you more!!



Hello, I am a practicing christian and I feel that the article advising parents on how to make their child "not gay" is rediclious and immature. I was addopted and railsed by two gay male parents and I grew up straight. I have just finished my degree in psychology and sociology at ohio state university and I feel you guys suck and aren't true accepting christians. Homosexuality is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. I belive that if men want to be with other men and women want to be with other women that is prefectly fine and you dont need to be making their decisions for them

Hievey Boden

How dare you tell a child that HELL-BOUND christians drew up a picture of JESUS with long hair just for that reason - they are hell bound- ALSO to REPLACE Jesus picture with President Bush's picture? Do you fully understand what you are saying? Replace a HOLY mans picture, THE holiest man with a president who has soldiers in a country fighting a war and using tax payers money for no reason. A war that doesn't make sense. Replace SON OF GOD's picture with a man who is killing people in other countries because he thinks they have WMD. You sir need to check your faith because that is some wrong s***. .

Devoted to JESUS and his long HAIR.

Renee Brown

dear crazy peoples running this god forsaken sight, I dont know where you get off on peddling your extremist hate and bigotry as religion or faith. I hope God himself reaches down and smites you from the face of this earth for crimes against him and his children. God is love not hate, and i pity you that have traveled so far from the light.

James Dodge

You people are nothing but a sick, psycho cult, and you make me glad that I'm an atheist. With assholes like you guys running religion, who needs it. So you're going to turn me in to the F.B.I. for being a non believer, huh? Screw you, break a leg. Maybe I'll turn you jerks in for violating my Constitutional rights, you wing nut jerkoffs.cowbyseabee@aim.com

Tiffany Evers

Good Morning.

My name is Justin, and I hope that you take no offence from my comments, because I mean none, and I am trying to word my comments in the most positive way possible... Here goes.

I am a Catholic, raised as such, and hold strongly such beliefs. However, from what I have seen from the website, I must say, I am a bit frightened... I am really hoping that this site is actually a joke, because the religious opinions expressed in the site are borderlining obsessive and overkill.

For example, in reading the article about the AbToner... is it NECESSARY for the term "True Christian" to be a registered trademark? (and, no, I will NOT pay for using the term). As well, why do you blame EVERYTHING except the children for the act? There is no such thing as a "secular television station", for television sets and their stations are NON-LIVING, NON-SENTIENT CREATIONS. Surely you can't believe that it's the TV's fault! Secondly, the AbToner unit was designed to tone abdominal muscles--nothing more, nothing less. There were CLEAR directions for PROPER use of the unit, not "subliminal perverted messages". Finally, it's just holier-than-thou pride that makes you believe that it is the fault of EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN that these idiots used the machine STUPIDLY, except for the idiots themselves.

However, this is not the main cause of my message; my message is designed to inoffensively tell you that your site is so stupid--considering it's just a mockery of religion:

Things on your site proving this:

-The trademarking and registering of the term True-Christian

-The advertising of a Jesus Thong... what the hell????

-The love of sadistic bible verses...

-The age restriction to the site

and many other items.

I'll tell you a secret: I am religious, and I am a true Christian. You know how? Because, I don't go to church. I don't get on my knees to pray. I don't believe that the Bible is designed to be taken literally. I am a true Christian, because I know that God is everywhere, not just in the church. I know that God will hear me, whether I'm on my knees praying the Lord's Prayer or if I'm just talking to Him about my day. I have read the Bible, and it is only a book of parables, designed to teach the reader to teach themselves... it's not a literal text, otherwise, I'd have to beat and kill the woman I love, and I will not do that. Speaking of which, doesn't the Ten Commandments say Thou Shalt Not Kill? It's rather contradictory, isn't it?

To be a true Christian, you must NOT fear God, you must let him be your best friend... you must believe in Him to the point where you don't feel like you have to kiss his ass for him to do something for you. You have to have enough faith that you can live your life as you please, because there is a reason He gave us free will... not to give Himself an excuse to damn us to Hell... He's not like that.

I want a reply to this message. I want to know if you are just a joke site (which I believe you are), or if you are just a bunch of mental cases who think that by looking down more upon your fellow man, you'll get higher into Heaven.

My name is Justin A. Foley, and I have spoken. What is your answer? and silence is not an option with ME


Justin A. Foley [justinfoley@nl.rogers.com]

I just had the first privilege to visit you web site and for the first 20 minutes of reading I actually thought it was a joke that a friend would send, not different from a JibJab cartoon. Then I realized that you actually preach this bullshit to people and then you ask what's wrong with our great nation? Here are a few helpful hints that 99 percent of the population actually know to be true and you may want to study at a real college and get the truth instead of making ignorant statements that are just false. It is people like you that spread horrible lies because you are insecure and uneducated......... are you afraid of the truth or do you question that mainly behavior that you preach? Do you stand straight when urinating? My Lord I hope so cause we all know that Jesus did.........

1. If you are such manly men why bundle the package? Show if off God made you penis be proud.... Hold it in you hand..... walk around town....... or is yours so small that it is embarrassing so you tell all your followers to bandage it up. On that note you tell them if they tuck not to tuck too far for fear they would sodomize themselves. Sir if I could do that I would never leave home. while on that subject:

2. Anal sex rocks. Try it you may like it. Or are you married to a pious bitch who will not let you? so if you can't why should anyone right.

3. You actually tell young women that Tampons are the work of the devil? Get a clue. Only a man would say that. You try getting your cycle every month for your entire life then putting a diaper in you underwear and tell me how comfortable you are.

4. We stopped using the word Nigero in this country half a century ago. Are you that threatened by Black Americans that you would actually think they are beneath you? Thank the lord you opened your heart and started letting them into the main sanctuary even though there are restriction. You truly are a man of god.

5. Here's one for you ..... Every religion including your own was derived from Paganism. Christianity is a form of Paganism my friend which means your roots are pagan. My Momma always told me don't forget where you come from you just may go right back to it.

6. Harry Potter is evil? Why did he sell more books then the Left Behind series?

7. Jews are Gods chosen people........ They have outlasted every tragedy known to man. You God Damn Hicks preaching garbage to ignorant people in the south will not. I hope for your sake that on judgment day God is a forgiving God or your going to the hell you are so afraid of.

8. You are even afraid of the Mormons........ come on your just jealous that they have several wives and you can not. Personally I find the idea amazing I would be very happy having sex only twice a week and doing the dishes that often as well.

9. You actually tell people that book burning is a christan act that is fun and a good way to bring neighbors together. I can see that this way they can't actually read the truth. Do me a favor throw one in the fire for me make a good one like The story of O.

10. I do like the Christian way to punish and beat your child...... Raise lumps for Jesus is that what you preach? Question: did you watch Carrie one to many times as a child?

Let's recount the bible shall we. Jesus was a Jew who as a Jewish man had several lovers including a prostitute. I know if there is a God and if Jesus truly existed the advent of sex, all sex, including anal sex was created by God. I can guarantee they both did it, liked it, and perfected it. Chances are if Jesus walked the earth being from the middle east he was not this white man you pray to he was probably at a minimum a dark brown shade maybe even nigero. God created all the angles and the universe. One of those angles was Lucifer who had fallen but was created by God non the less. So everything that he conjured up was in essence created by God. I am explaining this to you so that you would understand that Tampons were created by god.

On another note; I love the diagram of the gay handshake. Next time I'm having a threesome I will make sure I use it and thank you for the lesson. But why are you so afraid of Homosexuals? Have you ever played pickle tickle in a public toilet and couldn't perform up to par so you damn all of them? You should embarrass the homosexual for several reasons: you are a forgiving God fearing man and you should embarrass all of Gods creatures and they have more disposable income then you will ever so you could milk them for money to keep this horrible church and website going.

As for your national views. You should get down on your knees and suck George Bushes Cock!!! He has aloud you ignorant assholes to stay in a country where you could preach this bullshit and protects you under the constitution of this great nation that you live where you really feel that paying tax is unconstitutional. Please you are worse then the Taliban.

Reflect, pray, look into yourself and aspire to be more then a big fish in a little pond. You have been educated incorrectly.

Blessed be,

Erika Jean McNeil