Movie Reviews

The Dark Motive Behind the Movie, "Elf"

Landover Baptist Confidential

To: All Church Members
Date: November 15, 2003
From: Pastor Deacon Fred


Friends, as I write this column, a dramatic battle between the forces of good and evil is taking place in Hollywood. I've always said that any True Christian™ with half-a-lick of common sense will admit that what is happening in the movie theaters of America is something far more dangerous and sinister than any moon-worshipping murderer from Islamaland could ever cook up.

Members of this church know that it takes an awful lot for something to get deep enough under my skin before I say something about it. Well, it took under one minute of viewing a television commercial for the so-called family movie, "Elf," to get me so upset that I threw my Bible right through the TV set!

There is something about this film that really bothers me, folks. And I'm writing this message to let the millions of people who visit our internet web site know that it should bother them too! I don't care if you are a saved, Bible believing, Heaven bound True Christian™ or just a regular red-blooded American Republican (which is half Christian anyway because we all loathe the same people). We've all had enough of the homosexual agenda, and it is high time we got on the same page. If there is one thing ALL True Americans™ have in common, it is that we can't stand what them damned homos are doing to our country!

When that big queer elf's head popped up on my TV screen, I thought the homos had taken over the world! It made my blood boil! We can't turn our heads for one minute without Hollywood homosexuals thinking up new ways to sugar coat sodomy and sell it to our children! Now they are using this oversized sap, Will Ferrell, as their happy homo poster boy.  They've squeezed him into a yellow leotard so tight that the first thing innocent little eyes are drawn toward is the enormous bulge between his clumsy shaven legs! Why, they've even given the gay boy a pair of felt slippers and placed a little fairy hat on his head. I don't care if it is part of the movie! It's just plain WRONG! And it should be illegal!

I don't know about you, but I'm not about to have my grandson sit in a dark theatre for two hours watching a silver-tongued lisping sodomite in a skimpy outfit hop around like a silly little schoolgirl. Frankly, this is the sort of thing that makes Jesus want to vomit! 1 Corinthians 6: 9 is pretty clear, my friends. "Effeminate people don't get to go to Heaven." Jesus is going to burn them all in Hell. But they just don't get it! They want to drag us all along with them by tricking us into accepting them as normal, when our Bible CLEARLY states that they are abnormal and unrighteous!

I'd also like to say, shame on you - Mr. James Caan! Rest assured, you will be held accountable on Judgment Day for your decision to take part in this project! You have played such wonderful Christian roles in the past. Why you decided to join the army of hopskotching homosexuals responsible for this filth, is beyond me!

I know very little about this film, other than the fact that it stinks like the Devil's hiney. I don't have to lift the lid off a sewer to know it smells down there! I'd put a week's tithe money a Godly guess that there's a chubby little curly haired Jew behind this whole thing! There always is. Satan is just getting too predictable!

In closing, may God damn everyone involved in this film, straight to Hell. What you are doing to this Christian Nation is despicable!





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