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The Sexually Depraved World of J.R.R. Tolkien

The Landover Baptist Commission for Public Decency was about to place a full-page action alert ad in USA Today regarding the sexual depravity depicted in the new film,  "The Lord of the Rings" when Pastor Deacon Fred received an e-mail attachment from a lone True Christian® mole at McDonald's headquarters. That attachment can be seen below.

As every unsaved person who has read Tolkien's disgusting series of books already knows, they are filled with depictions of sex between races, species, and even explicit coded passages detailing an elf's homosexual tryst with two goblins (which is just a fancy secular word for demons). Tolkien even has the audacity to try and top the Bible by depicting gruesome battle scenes and horrible attrocities.  Nice try, Mr. Tolkien, but leave the horror to God, He's the expert.  
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    "This movie-merchandise tie-in business has clearly gone too far!  And half the profits go to C. S. Lewis' English lover, J. R. Tolkien to squander on ale and catamites. " 
                       - Pastor Deacon Fred

    It's not so much the violence, we can stand that, it's the sex that we're worried about.  To think that McDonald's (which bills itself as a family restaurant) has jumped on board with that hellbound pig, J.R Tolkien (who spent most of his life trying to get C.S. Lewis' zipper undone!

    We can't even go on about how horrible this whole thing is.  Please contact your local Bible believing pastors and let them know what is going on. We are advising all of our church members to steer clear of McDonald's until they stop distributing sex toys with their extra-value meals. We are also encouraging folks to file a formal complaint with Newline Cinema for wasting U.S. taxpayers dollars from the city of New Zealand where they had to put up with the two year orgy that resulted in this film!



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