to Deliver Thanksgiving Sermon
Little Chief Running Red Butt,
as Landover Baptist church members still call him, was converted to
Christ after four days of electro-shock treatment on the cold wet floor
of his demon-deprivation chamber in
Landover's facility in North Dakota...
of Africanized Killer Bees Invade Freehold!
Mrs. Alabaster told
reporters, “My blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby, John Jr,. walked in the
house, his upper body swaying side to side, with this swaggering look on
his face and said something like, ‘Yo-yo-yo, ol' Lady, sis and I are
splittin’ this jive...
Our Baptist Pastor Speak in Tongues? Listen and Decide!
Deacon Fred was hospitalized after a troubling incident during last
Sunday's sermon which involved an audibly manifested gift of the Holy
Spirit, thought by intelligent Baptists to have been dormant since the
close of the Apostolic Age...
Possessed Lunatic Escapes From Church Facility
Some older church members will
recall that little Benjamin was shipped off to North Dakota in the
Spring of '59 after being found barely alive under a burnt mattress in
the smoking debris of the old Calomiris estate in East Freehold...
the 1,972nd Time, Jesus Forgets All About the Rapture
I bet the Lord Jesus came down
to fetch us, saw our many earthly blessings and ran back up to Glory
trying to cook up a way to make Heaven even nicer – worried that we
wouldn’t be impressed enough when we Raptured up there and raise a
ruckus the likes of which He hasn’t seen since Lucifer started that
almost-successful angel coup...
Shoots Family Dog on Christmas Morning For Chewing Head Off Baby Jesus
The dog ran across
the family room with baby Jesus locked in his jaws, shaking Him and
growling. "I could have sworn I heard the Baby Jesus' neck
snap like a twig," said Pastor, "and that's what made me reach
over to the coffee table for my gun...
Farm Sluts Cuffed and Busted!
can't be held responsible for what happens in the barnyard of every
hell-bound hillbilly that holes up on the fringes of our church
property," Pastor Deacon Fred told federal authorities who,
unbeknownst to Pastor, had apparently been monitoring a prostitution
ring on the...