Satan Serves Up a Little Chicken for Thanksgiving
It isn't that surprising when the Prince of Darkness sends his demons skittering into the minds of the homosexuals at Walt Disney Studios with a new idea. But it is downright rude and tasteless when those ideas are pushed on innocent American children during the holiday season! It pains us to tell you that while True Christian™ families are sitting down over a turkey dinner this Thanksgiving, a bird of a different kind is out to undermine the values of this Christian nation.
Who knew that the Devil was hiding behind the innocent smile of a little boy who tricked one of our deacons into joining him in the back of a cold dark movie theater to view the film, Chicken Little. It was only a few minutes into the movie when our deacon realized that his little companion was more interested in viewing the Satanic filth on the big screen than he was in hearing soft whispers of Christian love and scripture. "I dragged him kicking and screaming out into alley behind the theater even before the last of the opening credits could fade back into Hell!" our deacon told police and later the boy's unsaved parents.
When police found our deacon ministering to his little companion, in the alley-way behind a trash dumpster he made it quite clear to the officers that he feared for the boy's Salvation. "This young rascal was crying even before the movie even started," he explained. "He was sobbing like a little Nancy Boy while we were standing in line to buy tickets because the colored children were laughing at the giant Bible I was carrying!"
One of the police officers, Mr. Dashling, was a member of the Landover Baptist church and as such, he let our deacon go with a warning. "It's probably what I get after being foolish enough to get caught within a stone's throw of a public theater," our deacon told Pastor Deacon Fred. "I won't let it happen again, but I'm going to get to the bottom of this Chicken Little nonsense. Do you know that I saw a poster outside the theater advertising the film and it looked like there was a stalk of corn protruding from an animated hiney on it?"
The following day, after spending several hours on the internet investigating Chicken Little, our deacon reported his findings to the Board of Deacons. "The main character of the film is a talking chicken that symbolizes just about every appealing aspect there is about homosexuality," he reported. "I believe this is an obvious attempt to pervert the minds of our children. I'm sure that lesbian bull dykes all over America are licking their pale lips and stomping their combat boots in joy because this hell bound chicken is running around wearing glasses and sporting a Mohawk hairdo! I also found out that there is a young coy voiced sodomite named Zach Braff (who starred in such films as "Getting to Know You" and "My Summer As a Girl") doing the voice overs for this slop! This sort of gay boy is so eager to get to Hell that even Rosa Parks would gladly give up her front seat on the express bus to the Lake of Fire just to accommodate him. There is even a Jewish lawyer in this movie! Thankfully Satan doesn't care much for the Jews either, so his homosexual cartoonists at Walt Disney Studios drew him as a hog wearing a cheap suit that any True Christian™ wouldn't be caught dead in. I tell you, if you see a photo of that Jewish pig in his suit, you'd rather take your chances with God's anger by wearing a turtleneck to Church!"
When Pastor Deacon Fred was made aware of the demonic nature of the movie, Chicken
Little, he made a formal announcement to the Landover Baptist congregation
the following Sunday. "November is the time of year for celebrations and
Thanksgiving to God for the defeat of thousands of savage
Injun terrorists who were living in our country without the Lord's
permission! The holiday season is not a time when we should let down our guard
and allow Satan to invade our movie theaters with kiddy films that glorify the
homosexual lifestyle. I advise people all over America to join in Landover
Baptist's boycott of Walt Disney Studios. Please dig deep into your pockets
when the offering plates come around and help us take another step forward in
ending Satan's animated jihad against the naturally heterosexual minds of
Saved Christian Youth™."
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